ObesityHelp

Wow - what a lazy blogger I am! I can't believe I let so much time go by without updating this.

The good...
I am now 4 months out and down 57 lbs including my pre-op loss of 6 lbs. Yesterday I went to get a couple of cold weather items since I gave 95% of my wardroble away and was shocked to find that I could fit into some size 14 jeans from White House Black Market! They were even a bit big in the waist! It was so much fun to shop and know that I could try on many things in a normal sized clothing store. I can eat a lot more now, almost how I imagined I would be eating after 6 months. I wonder if for some the stomach swelling just goes down faster? I also have hunger again but it's manageable if I stick to protein first. I said IF...read on...

The bad (and the ugly)...
I am in a pretty bad stall that I know is being caused by the carb problems I'm having right now. I have been stress eating, snacking, not getting in my water and supplements and just making crappy choices in general. I have been exercising more and maybe that's giving me a feeling of entitlement. All I know is it has to stop!

So now...
I did not pay almost $17000 out of pocket to just go right back to my old ways!!!  So my mission this week is to go back to basics with everything. I have a busy week ahead but am making it my job to take care of me first because that's really what this is about. I have a ton of commitments, get busy and don't take the time to cook for myself or track my intake, eventually I get exhausted and think, "I'm going to treat myself to (your choice of carb here)". I wish I could just feel "treated" in some other, healthy way! Equating food with nurturing is what made me fail on every other diet I have been on in my life so it's scary that I'm doing it again. I guess I have to see this as an opportunity to conquer this toxic relationship with food!

Wow, I can't believe it will be one month ago (well just about) that I had my VSG! It's been a roller coaster for sure. One minute I'm excited that the scale seems to be magically moving down and the next I'm grouchy and weepy and can't believe I've done this to myself. It has helped that I've been able to eat and drink a bit more easily in the past few days.

I am still nowhere near where i should be with protein even though I am meticulous about what I am choosing to eat. It seems I can't get past about 20 g per day and about 300 calories. So tomorrow I am going to go back to supplementing for a while. I ordered some Chike and so far it's very drinkable and if you mix it with milk it's 40 g of protein. I just need to get the protein in so I can have some energy and keep up with my life. Fluids are hard to but I am getting 30-40 oz in a day so it's not too bad.

People are beginning to notice my weight loss (27 lbs since surgery!). Today I met for a playdate with some moms from school and they were shocked. Kind of a nice reaction but I was a bit embarrassed by the attention.

So all in all life is good but I think I need a while longer before I can say I LOVE my sleeve but I have to admit - it's growing on me!

Yippee, just found my SIL on the board and boy does she look incredible. I'm so proud of you Anita! Can't wait to join you for some SHOPPING! Might have to get a second job, but Anthropologie, here we come...

Okay, I am officially scared to death. Yes, I am scared about the surgery, but not nearly as much as I am about changing myself forever. I have been overweight or obese since I was a child and I don't have a clue what life will be like as a normal weight person, let alone how I will cope without my addiction. I am going to find a therapist this week if possible since I know I will need help. Don't get me wrong - It's exciting and exhilerating too. Just scary as hell.

I think I'm in shock because I haven't started to really worry yet. Well, maybe partly due to the fact that my whole family (me included) has had the stomach flu for 10 days now! NOT exactly how I pictured losing another 4 pounds! I'm sure they will come right back, though, since it's mostly water loss.

I think I'm in a healthy state of denial right now although every once in a while I get a little panicky at the thought of not being able to eat normally, gulp drinks or have soda. I don't really even like soda, though, so I know it's irrational thinking. I just saw my neighbor who had her VSG through the same surgeon on 5/19/08 and she's already down over 20 pounds and looks great! That gives me hope and makes me more excited than panicked. The countdown starts now: 15 days left!!!!