Weigh In?

So let's talk about my weight? Nine chances out of ten, if you are reading this you probably have no idea how much my weight controls me, or how embarrassed I am because of it. By no means is this a pity party.

There is only a few people who I ever talk to about this, so I guess I am coming out tonight,  letting everyone know what I think or how I feel about being over weight.

When I was growing up I was always fat. When I moved to Oley I was named SliM, not because I was, but because it was I guess nicer then to call me fat. I guess thats when the insecurites started. I feel like I was popular in school but was it cause of my size?

As years went on I put on more weight and more weight. It's funny you never really realize how fat you are until you see a picture of yourself.

The last few years I have tried a couple diets, the healthy way and some non-traditional diets as well. I had some results but I could never get over the hump to make it a full life style change. Then putting the weight I lost back on and a couple more pounds for good measure because of frustration, laziness and depression.

I had moved to South Carolina. I didnt know anyone. It made my life easier because I could just go to work and go home and sulk and be depressed because I am this way. I didnt realize how bad that was till I got a girl friend. Her getting me out of the house was a chore. Hell I didnt even want to meet her because of my weight insecurites.

I am 33 years old, and now moved back home. I went to a friends house one night and told them I was in a funk. Noone asked why, noone asked if there is anything they can do nothing. I feel alone.

I cant put into words how sad I feel. I see people look at me and make judgements, I even know my own friends talk about my weight when im not around. All I know is im tired of it.

I lost my best friend a few months ago. I wish I was half the man he was. I miss him so much. He lived every moment to the fullest. From the "whattaya mean" to the you missed a great time last night.

I have started working with a doctor about my weight even this mother fucker thinks I cant lose weight. You ask how do I know this??? He told me so him self. Not to mention when I was getting weighed, I noticed I lost 14 pounds he made it clear to me that the scale isnt that accurate at my weight and that might not be right.

For a long time I never wanted to even think about the gastric bypass surgery because I love beer. But my life cant go on like this much longer. So I am saying   FUCK IT.

I am going to try and get the gastic bypass. My life will change and im sure my friends will change. But it has to be better then living in this hell I am in now.