I really want it this time

Jan 21, 2012

So why do I keep eating stuff I know I'm not supposed to?

It may be due to my stomach issues that I'm having right now.  I have a hard time digesting anything that's not like mush before it reaches my tummy.  Which is usually bread, or cake, or some kind of smooth anything.  Maybe I should try yogurt...

I go for my pre-testing on Tuesday for the endoscopy and colonoscopy.  They want to do some pre-testing because I've never been under anesthesia I guess.  They made a follow up with the specialist for 3 months, but what happens inbetween now and then... will they let me know what they find during the tests??

My friend Darlene just had her surgery last week.  She says she's doing really good.  Looks like it was a piece of cake for her... lol, pardon the pun. She says her belly feels empty... but she's hungry.  I guess that's normal. It's probably just head hunger... as she's been on nothing but liquids for almost 3 weeks.

I wonder about my Lymphedema.  With my circulation problems... I wonder how having the surgery will effect me. I guess I'm kinda scared.  I should probably talk with someone that has Lymphedema who's had the surgery.  There are a few women here that I've kind of touched base with but nothing in depth. They say they still have Lymphedema but that it's much more managable.  Which I knew already.  I mean how could it not be?  I can't even put my own socks on because of my stomach size... no way I'd be able to wrap my legs.

It snowed today.  We got about 6 inches.  First significan't storm we've had this year.  Next week it'll be back in the 40's. I like this winter so far. :-)

Okay... I'm determined to lose another 20lbs.  I just have to not eat.  Or just eat the very small meals like the Diverticulitis diet says.  The pain is really getting to me.  Yesterday I stopped at the grocery store for vittles for this weekend.  I got about half way through it and the pain in my side started acting up.  I kept having to rest until it subsided enough so I could carry on.  My husband wanted me to stop at the liquor store on my way home.  I don't love doing that because for one, I don't drink.  Secondly.. by the time I got back in my car from the grocery store I had a complete meltdown.  The pain was just making me so scared that there was something seriously wrong with me.  Then of course the crying made me all tense... which probably made the pain worse.  I pulled myself together and called my friend Kathy.  We've been friends forever... she comes over once a week usually.  I asked her if she would stop for me but we lost our signal before she could answer.  I wasn't even sure if she was going to come over so I called my sister.  I thought maybe she was still on her way home from work and she could stop for me.  But she was already home.  She offered to go out for me, but that was the last thing I wanted her to do.  I thought maybe her daughter was home and would run out for me, but she wasn't.  So my sister... my absolutely wonderful one of a kind heart of gold sister... Put her shoes on and her coat and met me at the packy so I didn't have to go in.  She was mad that my husband made me go for him... but he didn't make me. It was my choice... I wasn't in any pain when he asked me, afterall.  I got home and he came out and brought in all the stuff.  I was fine by the time I got home but it's just scary and I was overwhelmed and sick of being sick and not know WHY I'm sick and in pain.  At least with the Lymphedema I KNOW why I'm in pain... or when I have cellulitis. 

Anyway.  Enough for now.  Tomorrow is another day. 

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