ObesityHelp

Hi! Here are my fears re: WLS

1. Because I am stubborn in eating poorly now, I will be unable to stop overeating when I band or RNY. People love to tell me 'if you have no willpower now, you won't have any post WLS'. Or, Jessica, everyone I know eats right through their band or other WLS. Also, the 'warning' I have read re: WLS says if you have an eating disorder, this may not be for you.

Well hello....pretty much everyone I have read stories about on this website have had eating disorders - from binge eating to bulimia to compulsive overeating. And at least on the RNY pages, they seem to be experiencing a change in their relationship with food - from comfort, to primarily nutrition.

2. Physical stuff. I was a former Christian Scientist and blood and body stuff still gross me out. I don't like to read about it and it scares me. I am becoming aware of the risks and complications and they scare me.  Most people don't seem to have these problems, and I am reasonably healthy despite my 111 pound gain, so maybe they won't occur with me.  

3. Deciding which kind to do and Permanency of RNY v. 'maybe I'll eat through it' Band. (those are the two options my insurance covers). I hear the most positive weight loss occuring with RNY, I also hear that you wake up from RNY surgery and many times, your diabetes II is in remission right away. RNY sounds best to me. But it IS a permanent change. And its so gross to think about! But the band seems like 'baby stuff' to me, plus I do not like the idea of a port in my side. 

Maybe I can do this myself? No evidence supports this. I am 111 pounds over my goal and creeping up. I have spent so much money on training sessions and weight loss powders, meals, programs, etc. The most I have been able to lose involved 24 pounds and a month and a half on a program called Grey Sheet by OA. That program was 90% good, but it was so absolute as to be impossible to maintain for me. I liked weighing and measuring my food, I liked speaking to a sponsor and having to plan my food, and I even liked the 'not one extra bite' bit. But it was virtually impossible to eat out with friends and do the program. It was a nightmare the one time I ate out in that 1.5 mos and I basically gave up after that. if you took one bite extra (if you didn't, e.g., measure your dressing with the edge of a knife to level it), you had to start counting from Day 1 and you were officially in relapse. This had a shaming effect on me and made me feel terrible! 

The reason I think I can do it myself relates to who I was 10 years ago. Then, I was in great shape and rode my bike around Boston - I didn't even own a car. I kayaked, ran, roller-bladed, and skiied. I lost about 40 pounds before starting a grad program and I stayed thin for about 4 years because of physical activity. I am thinking now, at 45, I should be able to do the same thing. But 40 pounds is not 111. And I have a 2-year old daughter now and have to drive rather than bike and exercise takes a good deal of schedule-juggling and daycare. AND, I'm not able to stay on a blinking diet!

So maybe I should give up the thought that  I can do it myself. 

Those are my major fears....I have a lo tof pre-op stuff to do for my insurance and have lots of opportunities for questions, so I will ask away and stay on this site to investigate more.  Thanks for reading! Jessica