Still waiting to hear back from Guelph for my Surgeons Appointment. 8 weeks is next week, 12 weeks is the first week of Feb. I cannot believe I am almost there....like, I should be having surgery in the next 8 weeks....Really?!?! It is insane.

I am wearing a size 24 pant now, down from a 28 when I was at my highest. My sister bought me a 2x shirt for Christmas, I havent wore a 2x in YEARS..and it fit..Which was amazing for me. other brands 2x dont fit but I am down to a 3x in most stores. Most of my pants dont fit...but I can use the belt I bought last year on its actual holes now (not the one I made for it) so that helps. I refuse to buy new clothes right now.

I think thats really my only updates for weight loss.... Though I do want to talk about boys a little...haha

I dont remember if I mentioned to any of you before that I am married but in a non monogamous relationship, My husband and I date other people and it works really well for us. I met this one guy online like 3 years ago, we used to play World of Warcraft together, and in the summer we started talking again and got really close, I never wanted it to get beyond us being friends because well, how does one have a relationship with someone from Montana, when they live in Ontario, Canada! And although neither of us have entirely figured it out yet, we are making it work the best we can. He is kind of wonderful and stuff lol. He makes me smile and it is hard to go a day without talking to him. He is not normally one for non monogamy so it is difficult when I date someone other then my husband, though he is ok with me being married, kind of strange but whatever. He is planning on coming to visit in February, I am hoping for a March surgery date, he wants to see me before and after, and he is proud of all the progress I have made. I also have recently (about a month ago) started dating another married guy (his wife is fully aware of everything). He is kind of awesome, a bit younger then me, but easy going, nerdy and just fun to be around. He speaks so elegantly and is sweet. haha, I am such a sucker for a good smile, nice eyes and a kind heart!....I am done with new people though. 3 Men in my life is enough! (probably more then enough if I am being honest but I am just so damn happy at the moment)

Anyway, thats all for now....Will write again when I hear more about dates and such!

I have had a lot of shit happen in my life....Dont get me wrong, I has a privilaged kid, I needed for nothing and was fairly spoiled. Though other things happened, I watch my mom be abused by her husband for 4 years, we ended up with 24 hour police protection because it got so bad, at the same time my best friend who was only 8 years old died of cancer. Other things happened. Someone close to me forced me to do things with someone else, sexual things....I was raped as a young girl too....All these things though, they do not define who I am...they happened, they sucked a lot, but they made me into the amazing woman I am today....the strong, independent, beautiful, funny and awesome person I am...and I dont wish they never happened...because I can't change them, the only thing I can do is accept them and move on....which I have, years ago, There is no point in holding onto the hatred and anger that events like that cause, because it only poisons your life, your environment, and makes you unhappy and unhealthy...

I think the one thing I took from all of those things happening though, the one thing that has never left me and I am unable to beat alone, is my inability to understand or talk about how I am feeling. I can't even tell me husband why I am the way I am sometimes. When I go in for professional help I cant use the words I know are there somewhere to be able to tell them that something just isn't right because I cant talk about it. Words and emotions escape me as I stumble and try to get them out. If I am put in an uncomfortable situation I just sit there and stare blankly at the person unsure of what to say, and then my mind wanders onto all the things that I could or should say, and then I forget entirely what the conversation was about.

It is frustrating and hard, how does one go about getting help for something that they can't verbalize, express or understand themselves. ...

I just dont even know where to go or start looking for the right kind of help out...so I can speak and talk and share. 

So I got into work on Wednesday after requesting my next appointment off (I live in London Ont, Go to the Guelph Clinic which is east of London and work an hour west of London) and my office manager had already said it was alright.

Well apparently the people in Michigan who I work for are "watching me" because they are unimpressed with the amount of time I have taken off. I am not under probation,all the days I have taken off for preparing for the surgery have been approved by them, and other then that I hve missed 3 days of work, one my husband was in the hospital, another I was lagitimately sick, and the other I was in a car accident on my way to work.

Anyway I am just frustrated because my office manager knows and is ok with everything that is going on, and is prepared for my time off and everything, and now the big boss is like "SHES TAKING TOO MUCH TIME OFF"

Sometimes I wish I didnt have to work lol 

AND MY LAST!!!!

Got the Green light from her, apparently I am mentally prepared and stable enough for surgery!

I made my appointments with the nurse and dietition on different days then the social worker to speed up the process a bit.

When I was in yesterday they weighed me and I was down 4 pounds from my first visit on Sept 30th. So it looks like the changes I am making are working. Hopefully I get the green light from the dietition and the Nurse next visit.

I am prepared for this, it is not something I went into lightly, it is something that I talked to my husband about for months, and then I started the process and stopped because the clinic I was with just didnt care, I switched to guelph knowing that i would add at least another year to my wait, but it was worth it to me. Now I am with Guelph and they CARE about their patients and want them to suceed and they listen to me when I say "No I am not an over eater, an emotional eater, and I dont get up at night and eat without knowing...I am just fat, I have always been fat, and I had a few bad years where I ate out a lot and getting my weight back down is NOT easy". can you tell I really like the guelph clinic? lol.

I dont post on the forums much because I am not a forum person, but I do enjoy being able to sit down and write what I am feeling about my journey. So for anyone reading...Thanks! 

So Friday I had my first real appointment at Guelph with the Nurse and the Dietitian.

I heard a lot of information I already knew, actually, I am pretty sure at least 99.9% of the info I already knew. I have educated myself when it comes to this, I have learned all the things I have to do, and all the changes I have to make, I am ready for it. 

The nurse told me to start exercising more, even 5 mins a day, so once the big move is over next week, I am going to go for a walk everyday. The Dietitian said to start following the Canada Food Guide, so again, once the big move is over next week I will start that too. I am pretty good about it now, but I have good and bad days.

I go back on November 10th for my follow up with the nurse and dietitian. and Oct 17th I meet the Social worker.

Wish me luck!