My weight has always been an issue.  Not so much with me but with my father, in the beginning years. From the age of 14, I heard repeatedly how I needed to lose weight and how if I didn't worry about my weight I would be called "Two Ton Tawni".  Or the comments "you could have any guy you want, if you lost weight"  ... "you have such a pretty face, if you just lost weight" .... I hear those recording in my mind daily over the last 30 years. 

The thing is, at 18, I was not fat.  Nor was I even overweight.  When I graduated from High School I only weighed 155 lbs.  I am a large bone frame, and I have found out was not considered obese. I was never really an "active" person, but I did enjoy being out with friends and doing alot of swimming in the summer months. For years after that, I managed my weight within 20 lbs.  But then, I really have no idea of when or why I hit 200 lbs.  The next thing I knew I was 225 lbs.  I tried all the usual diets & fads.  I was successful with getting the B12 injections & taking diet pills at the same time.  I dropped back down to 175 lbs, that was in 1987. 

My emotional ride and weight gain started back up in 1992.  I had fallen and injuried my shoulder while on a job.  I ended up having surgery and spent 6 months recovering from that.  Being inactive, my weight started to creep-up.   In 1994, I needed to have bunion surgery.  This time, again I was inactive for about 6 weeks.  Just as I was being released to return to work part-time, I was fired.  The office manager wanted me back full-time and would not settle for me returning part-time. I was devastated.  I was also very much in love with a man who had just been thru a heart & double lung transplant.  He was not doing well, and ended up passing away.  I spent the summer going thru an emotional roller coaster.  By Oct of 1997, I managed to get another job.  I was now back to 225 lbs.  UGH, then I get in a car accident.  Lucky to be alive, but off work for about a month ... I put on about 15 lbs. Once I get back to work, I start back trying to lose the weight.  I did Weight Watchers with a friend, I did Herbal Life ... I did the cabbage soup diet.  Only to lose 20-30 lbs off and on.   

In 1999, I start having alot of back pain and by the end of the year, I can hardly eat anything without feeling like I am going to have severe pain in my gut.  After seeing 5 doctors, all telling me there was nothing wrong.  I tell my primary doctor that I want to see a surgeon and have my gallbladder out.  I get the referral.  The surgeon explains the risks of removing a "healthy" gallbladder and I told her that was fine, but that I believe there is something wrong and I would like it removed.  She has me see another gastrointeralogist, that Friday.  He is in a rush, to leave for the weekend and requests that I go have a CAT SCAN of my abdomen.  The following Tuesday, both doctors call me (on the phone together) to tell me that they believe I have a tumor in my stomach.  HELLO!  I said there was something wrong!!!!   So after having major 3 hour surgery, it turns out that I had a tumor (benign) on my liver and also that my gallbadder was toxic and completely green slimmy stuff.  I was told that had the tumor exploded I would have died due to the toxins.  So I am in the hospital for 9 days ... and on another 12 week recovery.

My weight creeps up, and I am depressed.  2003, I am told I have fibromylagia and that is the reason for complete body pain and fatigue.  There is no cure.   I complain to my primary doctor in 2004 that I can't stand being 275 lbs.  She says that I have been thru alot, and it will come off, in time.  In August, 2004 ... I realize at 43 ... I am now pregnant. Not to mention, I have now been told I have gestitional diabetes.  The weight creeps up to 326 lbs at the time of delivery.  I am miserable.  I can't believe how huge I am. 

2006, at my daughters 1st birthday party .... It hits me.  I can no longer tolerate this weight. I can hardly breath when I am walking.  I have no energy for anything, I am tired of being on anti-depressants.  I am tired of the fibromylagia and I do not want full blown Diabetes.   I ask my primary doctor for help.  We try diet pills, with only a 7 lbs weight loss in 6 weeks.  I am being good, and not eating the junk/sweets.  We then try Nutra-systems.  I am good on that for a month with NO weight loss. 

In August of 2006, I beg my doctor for some other help.  She suggested gastric-bypass surgery.  I have kept a food journal for a month and since I don't eat alot of food (on normal days) .. she is very supportive and encourages the surgery. 

I think its ironic that .... the day of my surgery, my father will be taking me to the Hospital.  It will be a total of a 5.5 hour drive for him.  But, he is going to be there for me when I go in, and when I come out!

And now my journey begins ..... by the age of 46, May 2007 ..... I am hoping that I will be a NEW me.  Someone that is proud of what I look like.  Someone that can enjoy life and start doing the things I wouldn't do, because I have allowed my weight to hold me back.