I weigh 117 lbs with clothing. I wear either a size 4 or 6 depending on style.  I am getting treatments (steroid injections) for arthritis in my back but that is ALL that is physically wrong with me.  I do still have some issues with food.   It is what it is.  I eat as much yogurt, protein, soup as I can fit in.  I snack on frozen yogurt or slim bear ice cream sandwiches.  I love Austen peanut  butter crackers.

I eat very little sugar because it makes me nauseous.  I eat low-fat because greasy food does the same thing.  I use a lot of antacid but I do have an esophogeal ulcer. I would NOT trade any of this to go back to the way I was in 2007.....over 260 lbs and sick all of the time.  In pain, short of breath, could not walk, exercise, eating myself sick, always embarrassed about how I looked, unable to enjoy my life.

Thanksgiving is coming and I am SO grateful to still have Bill.  He has a 66% chance of surviving 5 years with the rectal cancer.  Two surgeries, chemo and radiation and emphysema but he is still with me.  He is the love of my life.  My entire life has changed this year: job, Bill's health issues, grandson moved in with us, daughter got married just last week, and we are still keeping on.  We have good days and we have bad days.  We argue, make up, enjoy a good sex life (even at 61) when we both feel up to it, are financially stable despite Bill not being able to work.  We are blessed.

 

The day that is not supposed to be on the calendar but is.

Today I am okay health-wise except for battling chronic fatigue.  Only two months before my five year anniversary of the gastric bypass.  As of Monday, I weight 128.5 and I am trying to lose ten lbs.  I feel better at 115-118 and my size six pants are too tight in the middle!  I walk daily for 30 minutes at 4 mph and I am trying to workout at the gym with dumb-bells once a day but sometimes I am just too tired to do it.  Last night I went home and slept two hours before I had enough energy to make dinner.

Bill has been diagnosed with rectal cancer.  He is going through chemo and radiation in preparation for surgery at the end of April.  He is very tired, weak and having a hard time dealing with that.  I try to be supportive but I don't know what to say to him.   Financially we are okay but it sucks that I cannot just take some time off to REST or relax because I might need that time to stay home with him if he gets worse.  We don't worry about death.  We worry about being disabled.

My kids are doing okay I guess....at least they are not calling with any crises...but then they know I don't have the emotional energy to deal with their problems at the moment.  I will be sailing along feeling fine and happy and then suddenly feel like crying.   Hot flashes coming back and I am supposed to be past menopause, damn it!    Taking vaginal suppository that is supposed to help but doesn't really.  All it does is make me feel less "dry" and sore.

I am grateful I had bypass.  I am grateful for this website, support of my friends and family, and for the health I do have.   I guess I want it all!   I want health, ENERGY, JOY, and most of all the assurance that I will have Bill with me for another 20 years.   But maybe that is being selfish.  Maybe I am asking for too much.....I just don't know anymore.

Well reading back over my posts from prior to and immediately after surgery was an eye-opener.  I was trying to find "words of wisdom" to give my friend Laura and her sister support for their lap-band surgeries.  I found a few things but there was a lot I had forgotten about.

Today I am worrying a bit about the fact that I eat a lot of "junk".  I eat peanut-butter and cheese crackers a lot.  I eat Wheat Thins.  I eat crackers in general because I still don't do bread well.  I don't get enough protein in I think but cannot eat much meat without getting sick.  I try to eat normal-sized meals and then feel ill afterwards.  That gets old really fast.

I am not gaining weight so that is not the problem.  I just worry about my desire to have my treats.  Not as much sugary as crispy.  Not as much fatty as "normal".   Bariatric foods are just way too expensive so I don't buy those things.  Protein bars satisfy the need for chocolate okay. 

I just don't put in the effort to count calories, worry about it like I used to.  I have gotten lazy and now that Bill is trying to lose weight, I have to be cautious about eating stuff in front of him.  Of course, he doesn't want what I eat!  He wants bologna and cheese sandwiches, cheeseburgers, french fries, donuts and Coca Cola.  This is going to be hard on him.

GOOD LUCK TO LAURA AND FELICIA.  I hope I can be supportive to them and a real friend.  I wish them both much success.

Well I turned 60 this month and went sky-diving to celebrate.  That was awesome!

Then I noticed that I have started gaining back some weight...just 11 lbs but it concerns me.  Insomnia continues 3-4 nights a week...not sure why.  So to fall asleep I have wine and crackers.  I am sure that is the weight gain but don't know what else to do to fall asleep.

Vacation in ten days.  Traveling back to Ohio to see the kids and then to North Carolina.  There will be lots of good food that I can't eat without getting sick....damn it.

Still fighting with what I can eat and what I cannot eat.  But I am still size 4/6, weight 121 lbs.  I feel good most of the time....a little tired and sometimes I feel my heart beating really hard...like it wants to come out of my chest (mostly when Bill and I make love!).  It would just kill him if my first heart attack came when he was loving me (ha, ha).

All I can say is that would be a hell of a way to go!-

I am embarrased to say that it has been nearly a year since I posted on here.  I am so busy with my new life that I often forget to post and I know that others need the support and encouragement.

I am dong very well with my health.  I am SO happy in my new size4/6 body.  Two plastic surgeries done: lower body lift and brachioplasty along with mid-line facelift.  Healing well and happy with skinny arms and flat belly!

Still need upper thighs/legs done to remove excess skin but waiting for funds to improve.  I will now continue working until age 67 due to husband losing his job two 1/2 years ago but at least now I am healthy enough to do so!

I will go sky-diving in two weeks to celebrate turning 60!  I can't wait!

Love to all of my obesity help frineds.