I have spent the weekend feeling ansy - like I should be doing something but have no energy, I am bored, but don't want to do anything, tired but can't sleep, sad but can't cry, hungry but can't eat.  I know that this probably has alot to do with my period coming and I hate it!  This is not new, I've been this way since puberty, but . . .something has changed, I can't take the feelings away with food!  Although I am able to eat most anything I have tried, I am not able to eat the mass quantities that I used to pre-op.  I would eat at least a bag of bridge mix, or peanut butter M & M's or malted milk balls, or a dozen cookes when I was pre-menstrual.  I used to binge on cookie dough ice cream, or peanut butter cup ice cream - all of this on top of my already large meals!  I think at times that I am eating too much, or that this too will end in failure and then I recall what I eat in a day and what I used to eat and I think how could this possibly fail?  Sometimes the boards make me feel like I do everything wrong, my nutritionist and doctor did not put a huge emphasis on protein, they said to eat 1/2 your meal from protein, but gave no certain grams/day.  I was not told to stay away from diet coke,  and I was not told to drink shakes, so when I read the forums and see all the rules and realize that I am not following many of these rules I think that I must be doing this wrong?  And yet . . .I exercise on a regular basis now, eat much, much less food - so why am I so anxious?  I think/know that a huge problem for me is that I am so impatient, I want things done now, I want to know the end before I'm even done with the beginning and middle.  I want to know what tomorrow brings before I'm done with today - how do I make this stop?  I have tried to stay more busy with exercise, bowling, scrapbooking, blogging, and knitting, perhaps I should now start reading more?  Or take up a new hobby? I guess this is all just a learning time for me, a time for me to figure out what to do with myself instead of eating and I do think I will get there and learn to eventually be comfortable with the new me, but until then . . . I will blog about it because that helps me to release some of the frustration that goes along with this process.

50 Things to Do Instead of Snacking...
By: Michelle, AKA EggFace

1. Imagine the new healthier you
2. Walk around the block
3. Call a friend
4. Make a list of your Top Ten Reasons to Lose Weight
5. Make a To Do list
6. Turn on music and dance
7. Jot a thank you note to someone
8. Go to bed early or take a nap
9. Read a book
10. Blog or journal
11. Give yourself a manicure or pedicure
12. Plan a healthy meal for your family
13. Surf the Internet
14. Finish an unfinished project
15. Walk your dog, pet your cat, feed your fish
16. Brush your teeth
17. Balance your checkbook
18. Say a prayer
19. Chop veggies to keep on hand
20. Give a massage
21. Clean out a junk drawer
22. Play a game with your kids
23. Try a new route on your walk
24. Drink a glass of water
25. Kiss someone
26. Try on some of your clothes
27. Look at old pictures
28. Rent a video
29. Wash your car
30. Take a hot, soothing bath
31. Update your calendar
32. Work in your yard
33. Start your holiday shopping list
34. Count your blessings
35. Write a letter
36. Fold some laundry
37. Check your e-mail
38. Give your dog a bath
39. Send a birthday card
40. Meditate
41. Hug someone
42. Rearrange some furniture
43. Light a fire or some candles
44. Put your pictures in an album
45. Plan a trip (real or imaginary)
46. Straighten a closet
47. Clean out a files
48. Visit a friend
49. Clean out your trunk
50. Do something nice for someone

So what do they call that . . .transfer addiction??  Yeah that's the word and now I have it, the dreaded exercise addiction!   I want to go to the gym now all of the time!  I love to exercise there, I am comfortable and feel awesome after leaving!  I am a little sore today from working on the weight machines, but . . . I can't wait to go back!  Who would have thunk it? me enjoying and looking forward to exercise - how bizarre!!  I think this is a definate item that they should have warned me about pre-op, I mean they talked about hair loss, complications, weight loss, vitamin deficiency, but never once did they mention exercise transfer addiction!

So I thought it over, I slept on it, thought of all the reasons I should join, all the reasons I shouldn't, and then . . .I joined!!  I am so excited - very strange behavior on my part - excited to join a gym - WEIRD!! ha ha.  I went today and absolutely loved it!!  I worked out on the eliptical and step machine for a total of 20 minutes then lifted weights with my husband and daughter, and then tanned for 7 minutes - I can't believe how good I feel already!  Tomorrow is my 2 month surgiversary so I took some pictures today, I am down 45#, I had wanted to reach 50# lost by my 2 months anniversary, but . . . I don't think I will be able to lose another 5 # by tomorrow - oh well. 

Forty pounds - wow, not twenty, not thirty, but FORTY pounds - yeah!  I will be two months out soon and was hoping for fifty by then, but not sure if losing 10 pounds in 9 days is really that doable or realistic - but I am happy with my weight loss thus far! I have had several WOW moments in the last week, some little, but still . . . My rings are getting big on me, I had to tighten the watch strap on my watch, and I am running out of clothes that fit!  I had some extra clothes from losing weight a couple of years ago, but they are now getting way too big as well, so darn I will have to go shopping.    Actually I don't want to spend much on clothes since I am losing weight still so I plan to go to garage sales today and hit the thrift stores and hopefully I will have some luck!