379.

Well, a month and a week since my last post. I spent a month gaining and losing the 10 pounds I had lost the previous month, but today I'm a pound past it. I've had a 5th adjustment, on the 19th, and I spent last week sick with a sinus infection, so I'm not really sure how it's taken, yet. I've been doing mostly soups and soft hot foods, because of the congestion problems. Still, I'm back to being optimistic.

OK, today is a happy-sad day for me. I took a long, hard look at myself in the mirror, and all I see is how horribly misshapen I have made myself. I see the "apron" of stomach hanging down over my legs, one side lower than the other, I see the extra folds of skin at the inside tops of my thighs, I see the exaggerated ridiculousness of how much wider my hips are than the thighs just inches below them... I saw things that are objectively ugly, and I don't even want to tell myself that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My body doesn't look like a body, it looks like something damaged, and I've done the damage to it. The bat wings and sagging "girls" are actually the most normal-looking parts of me.

I feel like an addict coming to terms with just how badly I've treated myself for most of my life. I guess I really *am*.

And with that declaration/admission, I share the news with you all that today I hit 380. I really do think that my body is starting to give up excess fluid with a vengeance.

100 pounds in 50 weeks. I promise, part of me is really, really happy about that.

Well, before I went camping for a week, I weighed 390. This morning, I'm 396. Still, going down stairs is getting easier every day,

394!!!!

Fifth fill today. I could eat WAY too much, and yet, I managed to drop a few, anyway. Excellent. Maybe a couple of days of liquids and softs (I just had a fill, remember?) will get me below 390.

Doesn't matter, I know I'll get below 390. I know it!

This morning my scale said 399.4
I know, I know it took me a month to lose half a pound, but it still feels brilliant.

I don't think I need a fill just yet, I'm going to give it a week and see if I lose.