So I went in for my follow up appointment since the last hospitalization. None of the meds they put me on for the ulcer worked nor did it heal anything! The surgeon walked in and said he was reoperating that day, which was yesterday! I was admitted into the hospital and told they were doing a revisional surgery and that they would have to open me up this time. The surgeon then proceeded to tell me that he would be completely taking out my old stomach and then have to unconnect the intestine from the pouch, cut out the ulcer and then reconnect to the pouch again, which is about a 3-4 hr procedure. There was no other choice but to say OK. So I got in got all ready for the surgery and was wheeled into the operating room, when I was all ready the surgeon had called his assisting doctor and told him his wife went into labor and that we would have to reschedule the surgery. So here I am now, in pain, needing this surgery and I have to wait to get a phone call from the surgeon when it is convienent to him! Arggg.... i love my surgeon and i trust him completely but geez I want to be on my way to recovery instead of sitting here just dealing! 

So I just got home from being in the hosptial for 3 days! I was scoped and found out I have an ulcer and also an infection in my colon track! I am in so much pain but at least I am getting taken care of now, 6 medications later! Ill be better in about 2-3 weeks and Im slowly getting back to home life! This is just a small set back, as I did gain 10 lbs from all the fluid they pumped into me! 

So I do admit that I usually weigh myself every morning. This is not because I am obssesed but because I like to document it and celebrate the pounds coming off. If I hit a stall I do not get down on myself, nor do I turn to food because I am depressed my weight is not coming off faster. I simply say, "well I just need to focus on my protein and fluids!" I have not gotten down on myself once, but stalls are evil. I think 55 lbs (as of weigh in this morning) in 10 weeks is amazing, and I will try my darndest to never complain about the weight that I have lost. I am also down 3 pant sizes and 2 shirt sizes. It is amazing. What I am going to complain about is the loose skin. It is not too bad but it can start to get toned. I am sure if I work at it, it wont be so bad in the long run. People will love me for who I am, not how much I lose, nor my starting weight. Those who are the most important in my life will stay by my side! 

So two days before I hit my 2 month mark from surgery...I stepped on the scale and it read 198!!!!!! I think the last time I weighed 198 was about 4 years ago... I feel like I have accomplished so much in so little time! I finally found a protein drink that I love and I am now taking all my vitamins everyday. I just can not believe that I just passed my first goal....Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, it means so much to me...
Next time I update I hope to be 185-190!

Thanks again

So I am now having the worst day ever! It started out good, but now it is crap. All I want to do is eat until I get myself sick so I can just fall asleep and hope for a better tomorrow! Things just arent going that well and for the first time since surgery I hate the way I look and feel. I shouldnt let the things bother me that are weighing me down but it is so hard not to. Right now for me not to go and grab some sodas and munchies to stuff my face with is really hard to do! I just dont understand things sometimes and I just cant help myself from getting angry. I hate it, I hate myself, and right now Im hating life! I just needed to vent and get my frustrations out because if not I think I would have gone off the deep end and give into all the temptations!!!!!!