I learned to swim when I was about 10.  I was not very good at the sport, but I loved the water.  The time came for me to jump off the diving board into the deep end and swim to the shallow end.  I'll never forget that feeling as I stood on the brink of can and can not.  I was scared, but knew I could do it.  There was no doubt in my mind.  I just had to muddle through the fear and take the plunge.  I don't remember hitting the water, or moving my arms and kicking my feet.  What I do remember is how good it felt to stand up in 3 feet of water and smile....REAL BIG!  That was a defining moment in my life.  I feel like I'm on that diving board again.  I know I can do this too.  I just have to put the fear aside and JUMP and wait to smile          ...REAL BIG!       

I really can't stand it when people make an issue of my liquid diet.  I know they care and I know they are just trying to be sensitive to my lack of food.  BUT, IT PISSES ME OFF.  I walked up on my family having breakfast and my niece said, "I'm sorry that we're not through eating yet."  Aaaauuuugggghhhh!  A co-worker brought ice cream in my office and sat down to eat it while we chatted...just like she always has done.  But, she had to get stupid.  After a few bites, she says, "I'm sorry.  Do you want me to leave?" Aaaauuuugggghhhh!  This has happened several other times in the past 10 days.  Get over it people.  This is not an issue.  I hate being singled out and I hate it that people are treating me differently.   

I have to give kudos to my husband.  He has been so supportive as we both make this journey.  He got home from work last night and noticed immediately that I had been crying.  He sat down beside me on the couch and put his arm around me.  He asked what was wrong and I let it all out.  He listened as he rubbed my back.  When I finally hushed, he gave me a pep talk.  I am so lucky to have him.  I thank God almost every day!  Some days he can be a real "prize" and I forget to be thankful!  haha!   

I've drinking liquids for 5 days.  11 more to go.  I know I can make it.  BUT...I lost it tonight.  My dog scratched my face and I it hurt bad enough for me to cry.  Well, I took that opportunity to really let it out.  I could not shut up.  I've been kind of down today.  I did not know how down until that moment.  I'm not hungry.  I really think I'm doing ok.  I get hungry, but the protein drinks satisfy the hunger.  I don't really crave anything.  My friends ate hamburgers and fries at lunch.  I sat with them to talk and their food did not get to me.  I think I am grieving.  I've lost a really good friend.  "FOOD".  I guess I'm at that crossroad where I have to face my feelings instead of stuffing them down with food.  Now I have to figure out what's bugging me.  This has got to be what rehab is like.  I guess this is detox.  I hope tomorrow is a better day.