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Before & AfterThere are currently no before and after photos for this member. See these instructions if you wish to submit your own Before & After photos. Member Interests
- Birds - 2 Parrots, An african gray.
- Cats - 4, One siamese, 1 tabby, one tux, and one persian.
- Dogs - Just one, a blue heeler, named Maggie.
- Music - I'm learning to play the fiddle and dulcimer & I love Bluegrass!
- Photography - I majored in Photography in 1986 & love Black & White photography.
- Genealogy & Family History - I have over 30 years of research and some pretty interesting characters!
- History - I always wanted to be a History teacher.
- Artist/Muralist - Watercolor, Acrylics, Murals, altered art swaps.
- BMI over 50 - Currently 378 lbs & BMI 60.
- Lymphedema - I've had lymphedema in my left leg for the past 7 years.
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TEST RESULTS on September 11, 2007 6:19 pm
Rocky's biopsy results came back this afternoon. Uterine adinocarcinoma.
The MRI showed that the uterine wall was thickened and might contain some added growths. The biopsy stated that there were abnormal cells indicative of an early cancer. There doe not appear to be any spread past the uterus/cervix. It is well differentiated which puts it about a stage 2.
Dr. Yancy (OB/GYN) is referring her to a GYN/Oncologist and hopes she can do her treatment and surgery in Longview. If not, then probably at Baylor in Dallas. He was very optimistic and said that this type of cancer survival rate is 80-90% survival rate if all goes well.
The only drawbacks are Rocky's health. She is extremely anemic, coupled with her stroke last month and her weight--she is a HIGH risk.
But we have our eye on the prize......
"Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God...." Philippians 3:13-14
- The light in the darkness
- The hope amidst the despair
- The comfort that crushes fear
- The belonging that comes with sharing
- The power that comes with knowledge
- Knowing the victory is ours, when we run for the goal one small step at a time.
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Rocky is getting worse. on September 8, 2007 8:33 pm
I am scared, depressed, and scared some more. My whole world has turned upside down and all I can do is cry.
My BABY sister, Rocky (41), is facing a diagnosis of cancer. The Dr. is fairly sure that it is a malignacy, but until all the results come back, he doesn't know what stage.
His last remark to me was "start looking for a way to get to MD Anderson in Houston. That's the best place for you to go."
Now, Rocky has been in bed all week, and won't eat. She only comes out of her room to go the bathroom, and throw up. Nothing I cook for her tastes right and she isn't even keeping 7up or water down.
We went to see Dr. Yancey, the gynocologist, for a routine pap exam. She hasn't had one in almost 15 years (yea-really.) He couldn't do a routine pap smear because he found a "mass" growing on her cervix. He did a biopsy and sent it to the pathologist, but he was very negative and certain that it was a malignacy. He said if he could see it with his naked eye, that it was not a positive situation. He also said any surgery that was needed would be extremely risky because of her weight. That's funny because she has lost 60 pounds in the past two months! But she still weighs about 400 lbs. The standard procedure would be to do a complete hysterectomy. But since she had a stroke last month, and is super aneimic, and obese---he doesn't know if a hysterectomy would be possible.
So we are just waiting, waiting, waiting until the results come in. Maybe on Monday. Then we will have to make decisions on what to do next.
There are 5 cancer centers within 100 miles of us. But we don't have a car. AND only one of them will take Medicaid which is all that Rocky has. The cancer center in Longview, only has a GYN/Oncologist one day a week and she WILL NOT take Medicaid. That would be too easy. So we have to figure out how to get to Houston, and how to pay for it. I have been on the computer all day, looking into Angel Flights --which would get us there, IF Rocky can climb the steps to get into the plane. BUT Rocky is in a WHEELCHAIR! She can't climb stairs. Another problem.
SO PLEASE PRAY FOR US, AND PUT US ON EVERY PRAYER LIST YOU CAN.
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Rocky update on August 4, 2007 9:47 pm
Rocky is doing better.
Her physical therapy and home nursing visits ended this week. The occupational therapist said she was a miracle patient and he had never seen anyone bounce back as fast as she has.
She had her MRI last Wed. and it scared us both. The radiologist read the first MRI and called the neurologist, Dr. Perkins who ordered two more. The second and third scans showed that she had a "disected carotid artery". Which means that the lining of her carotid artery had seperated and a blood clot had formed between the wall and the lining. That blood clot had gone to her brain and caused her stroke. The standard treatment for that is blood thinners(coumadin or Plavix). BUT because of her history of anemia and how much blood they gave her in the hospital, he doesn't want to do that.
So he is going to start her off on a single aspirin a day and see keep a close watch on her blood tests.
The newest problem that we have now is how reliant she is getting on pain killers. SInce she has come home from the hospital her back has hurt her constantly. When she was there, they had her on a "special bariatric" bed. The mattress was rock hard. I kid you not. I sat down hard on it and hurt my tailbone. They were giving her morphine shots every 4 hours in hospital. Now she is taking 2 Vicadin every 8 hrs. She doesn't want to get out of bed and is not eating. I keep telling her if she doesn't eat, her protien levels will go down and she will be anemic again. Her blood level is up to 9.4 now. Still not as high as it should be.
So each day is getting a little better, but things are still tough.
Keep us in your prayers.
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Family Troubles on July 22, 2007 3:26 am
My sister, Valorie (we call her Rocky) had a stroke on Tuesday. It has been very hard to be optimistic.
She is not "bad off" as far as stoke victims go; she can still speak, and stand up and can walk by herself about 3 feet at a time.
The biggest frustration is that the hospital's CT scanner wouldn't hold her weight, even though she had lost almost 40 lbs. by their scales. Their table's max was 450 and they told us that she weighed 462. They couldn't "fudge" it by 10 pounds. So I told the Dr. I thought I knew of one in
Tyler which is about 40 miles away from us. He told me AND the nurse to start calling around and find one. Even if it was in
Dallas ,
Houston , or
Shreveport . The nurse on duty at the time was the only one who tried to call. No one else followed up on it. I showed her the Obesityhelp site and the ad on the main forum for the large MRI. But it doesn't have any links to large CT Scanners. When he came back Friday, he asked me if I had found one. I told him no & mentioned the MRI in
Tyler . He said: "That'll Do!” and then said it would probably be done as an outpatient. He then asked us if speech, physical or occupational therapy had been there (which they hadn't) and got a little mad. About 30 min. after he left the speech therapist showed up. But no one else.
The neurologist said that without a CT scan, they couldn't rule out any bleeding in the brain.--but he was "pretty sure" that it wasn't.
Her red blood count was 5.2 when she got there.
Normal is somewhere around 10-11. They have given her 7 pints so far. At last count it was up to 7.8.
Friday they told us she has a MRSA staph infection in her leg and started her on IV antibiotics. Saturday, the social worker came and told us they wanted to send her to a nursing home. There are some good rehab places in town, but the problem is that Rocky only has Medicaid and we pretty much have to take who ever will take her. Medicaid doesn't pay well.
If Rocky comes home, Medicaid will only pay for about 3 weeks of home health and therapy. If she goes to a nursing home, she HAS to stay 30 days, they will take her pay for the month, and there is no guarantee that she will get therapy. It has been my experience that at nursing homes, you usually get dumped and forgotten about. The two places that the social worker mentioned are the same 2 that my Dad was at. The first one, he was overdosed and went into a coma, and the second one is where he died.
Rocky is already deeply depressed and doesn't need that.
I have been staying at the hospital with her since the start and finally came home tonight. I made my own side trip down to the ER on Wed. night. I have a flair up of cellulitis too. Not being able to keep my legs up, they swelled up like balloons and that's all it took . I got the same Dr. who admitted Rocky, (Dr. Payne!) and he was great, gave me a couple of prescriptions and I was out in an hour.
My cousin has been feeding the animals, but my dog was locked up in the house and made a terrible mess. It's gonna take a while to get the smell out of here. But thank God I don't have carpet!
I just don't know how the hospital can kick her out, if she still has a staph infection & her blood is still low. I know they need her room, I know she's stable, but she's not ready mentally to leave. She's afraid and so am I. I know I can care for her, but it will be hard. They are discharging her, either today or tomorrow. I was asked to bring her wheelchair up there today, and they will send her home in a Medicaid wheelchair van.
I took care of my dad for over 10 years after he had 3 strokes. Each one was worse than the previous. But I am 15 years older and getting sicker all the time. I didn't have arthritis then. He was only about 170 pounds. I know that I can care for Rocky, but I'm scared.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Who said Friday the 13th was bad luck? on July 13, 2007 9:09 pm
I got a phone call today..........I am afraid to tell anyone because it might fall through. I have been this close before only to have the floor fall out from under me. 
I got a call this morning from the producers of the TLC show "Big Medicine."
I have an appointment to meet them next week to interview for a spot on season two's show.
So cross your fingers and say a prayer for me. I'll let you know more after next week. 
Valencia
Discovery Channel's Big Med & Me on May 28, 2007 6:41 pm
I haven't been here in almost 6 months. I have lurked on and off and have kept up with what is going on with all my friends.
Tonight, like a lot of our community, I am watching Discovery Channel's show "Big Med." Expecting the same old media spin on gastric bypass and fat people, I guess it was a suprise to see the people involved. It just really hit me hard. The defining moment was when Penelope said she had been wanting this surgery for over a year and couldn't believe her moment had finally arrived. I just sat on the couch and started crying. I have been wanting this surgery for about 15 years. I still haven't found a way to get it. There is a problem with transportation, and I have no support system in place. No one who will help out with my sister ( who resembles Alan in the show.) Everything about my life just came crashing down and I was back in deep dispair.
In the past year, my sister has lost a little weight, she is now at 500 pounds. But we now have a bariatric hospital bed, complete with the overhead trapeze. She's not on oxegen yet, but who knows how long that will be. This show, brought home how dependent she is on me, and how much I have become like Alan's mom. I am her enabler and she verify's my "worth" in the world. Without her, who would need me? I feed, clean, dress her wounds and clothe her. And I guess she really makes me feel important to a certain extent. Unlike Alan, she can get out of bed. She also got a new power chair and has started going places with me now on the medical transportation bus. It's been a long time since she was out of the house.
We are completely without a car now. For the first time in my adult life, I don't own a car. It sucks.
In the past 6 months my health has started on a downhill slide. I went to the Dr. last week, and I have a problem with my liver. My liver and spleen are enlarged, which by itself is not uncommon in obese people. But I had a scan on my gallbladder last month and it showed that I had scarring on my liver. I also have a very large hernia and my heart is getting worse.
My mother died after a double heart bypass, and my dad from liver/colon cancer. My grandparents, dad all had multiple strokes. I don't want to die this way.
On the upside, I have lost 10 pounds since last Sept. I don't know why but I did!
My dream of gastric bypass is slowly slipping away.
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Happy New Year! on January 1, 2007 11:17 pm
Happy New Year to all my friends!
I cannot believe it has been almost 5 years since I found this website. Time does fly when you are having fun! Of course, I am no closer to getting skinny than I was back then and weigh more to boot. A lot of things have changed since then, but none for the better. But on a happier note I have survived my holiday blues and all that is left is taking down the decorations. At the time I was deep in self pity, but like always I came out of it. Funny the things we can survive. If my family wants to act that way, there is nothing I can do to change it.
I want to thank all of y'all who sent me support. I felt your love.
Now it's on to the new year.
**********************************************************
I just saw the greatest movie. WE ARE MARSHALL. It is so sad, but so inspirational. If you only go to see one movie this year, be sure to catch this one. I cried all the way through it. Of course, I'm an emotional old biddy ~~ at least that's what my sister tells me. She sat through the same movie and never shed a tear.
Happy New Year~Y'all.
Why is Genealogy so Popular? on December 5, 2006 9:47 pm
To start off, I believe that we should preserve our history, whether it is artifacts, architecture or family. The Bible starts off in Genesis with a family history, sort of the first Gedcom.
My grand mother, Roxie Ann Milner Orms, was a shining light in our community for 74 years. People knew that there was always a place at her table, a bed to be slept in, or a hand waiting to help. Granny touched the lives of everyone around her- she raised half the kids in our community of
East
Mountain
, and knew the other half. She was a faithful member of
East
Mountain
Baptist
Church
(Upshur Co., TX) and guided her family into the church as well. While she worked in the nursery, Granny encouraged Grandpa to “keep up” the old
East
Mountain
church cemetery. I remember many a hot day with Granny and Grandpa in the cemetery pulling weeds and cleaning headstones. Granny would sit down under a huge oak tree in the cemetery to rest and cool down and she would tell us that when she passed to “bury me under my tree in the shade”, and we did. My grandmother taught me the importance of hard work, honesty, compassion, and keeping my faith. She also taught me that cherished memories of a loved one will last a lifetime.
If we don't keep our memories and history alive for the next generations, then we will cease to exist. It sometimes surprises me that our young people today have no grasp of history (& I wonder what they are teaching in the schools these days--history was always my favorite subject and I once wanted to be a history teacher.)
Most people know their immediate history back to their grandparents, but it is amazing how many don't know anything past that. I was helping my little cousin with her social studies assignment last year. She didn't even know her grandparents names? What does that say about today's society? I now have her hooked on genealogy and am helping her build her family tree.
I have been working on my family tree since 1983. I started with a little scrap of paper out of my mom's address book. She had the names of my Dad's aunts and uncles written down. That became my building block and also stands as my highest brick wall to date. I have been collecting ancestors for over 23 years have found a barber, pioneers, war heroes, blacksmiths, preachers, engineers, moon shiners, Indian fighters, and a lot of farmers. They were just plain regular folks who were looking for a better life. I now have over 17 generation’s and14504 names in my database.
Drop by my WebPages and browse my family tree. Don't forget to sign the guestbook!
Here are a few of my surnames:
Direct lines - Paternal:
Smotherman: WA-->MO-->TN-->NC-->VA-->
Beddingfield:
AL
--> GA--> NC
Eades/Eads: OR-->WA-->MO--GA--KY-->??
Reid/Reed/Read: TX-->MO-->KY-->MS.....THE brick wall!
Chastain:
AL
-->GA-->SC
Franklin
: OH-->NJ
Hackney: NJ-->
Syron: OH-->NY
Thomas: MO-->TN-->VA-->PA--> ??
Renfro/Renfrow/Renfrew: TN-->SC-->KY-->VA-->
Deihl/Deel/Deal/Teal: PA-->
On Mama's side:
Orms/Orm/Orme: TX-->
AL
-->KY-->NC----really need help on this one...
Kight: TX-->
AL
-->NC
Milner: TX-->GA
Clark/Clarke: TX-->TN-->VA
Murphy: TX-->GA-->NC
Phillips: TN-->MS
Wallace: MS-->TN
Flurry: GA
Meeks/Beekes/Beeks: MS-->TN-->VA-->
Choate/Shoate: TN
http://www2.tribalpages.com/tribe/browse?userid=Vincie56&x=13&y=9&rand=981020174
http://www.genealogy.com/users/s/m/o/Valencia-Roseanne-Smotherman-TX/TREE/index.html
http://www.gencircles.com/users/v_smotherman
http://www.myspace.com/vincie56
The Holiday has passes so why do I feel like a turkey? on November 26, 2006 4:48 pm
Whew! Thanksgiving is gone, gone , gone!
The turkey leftovers are either in the freezer or in the dog and all that's left is to take out the trash.
I can't remember the last time I actually had to cook a turkey. Let me tell you it didn't turn out well. I started cooking it the night before, and finally at 3 am took it out of the oven & I went to bed. I figured it had to be heated up the next day and if it wasn't done after 3 hours, it would get done then. Not so. I finally got everything else finished (almost at the same time!) and started carving the bird.
First, let me tell you this, never take the advice of a TV chef. I did the Emeril thing and put herbed butter under the skin. Half a pound of it. The turkey had blisters wher the butter had been. Plus, when I took it out of the oven, there was a 1/2 of melted butter in the pan. I got rid of that. The first few slices of the breast were looking good. Then I pulled off a leg, and it was still raw inside!
Let me tell you, I come from a long line of great Texas cooks, I didn't say I was a great cook, just that I had cooking ancestors. So anyway, I pulled out my Granny's iron skillet and cut off the breast and seared it with a little gravy. Turned out great. I nailed my Mama's cornbread dressing and of course it's not Thanksgiving without green bean casserole. But after 2 days of leftovers--I'm over it too.
Now it's on to Christmas!!! I have already gotten 3 cards form my OH friends and started decorating by putting up a garland with twinkle lights over the kitchen sink. I am hanging the cards there this year.
http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d23/Vincie56/Graphics/krippen.jpg
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November 16, 2006 on November 16, 2006 12:00 am
Well, today was quite an adventure. The car is out of commission again. There is oil in the radiator and water in the oil and in the air filter. So it goes back to the garage. But at least this time it is still under warranty from the last repair. It hasn't been 3 months since we got it out. That cost us $751.59. The warranty is for a year or 1200 miles. We haven't gone anywhere near that much. Bad news is that he can't get to it until after Thanksgiving.
We were going to go to my cousin's home for Thanksgiving & I was looking forward to not having to cook. So today, after 3 previous tries, we went to Super I Food grocery shopping. We had to ride the county bus. It is a short little bus for people who are on Medicare/Medicaid and need transportation. I helped my sister to get ready, and we were sitting in the garage in 58 degree weather, with 20 mile an hour gusting winds, waiting for the bus. To ride this bus, you must call a day ahead and schedule your pick up. Then you have to be ready when they come. You can't schedule a specific time, unless you are going to a medical appointment, and then it has to be between 8 am and noon. You have to be ready to go home before 2 pm. They don't like you to have an appointment before 10:00 am unless you are one of their regular dialysis patients. We aren't.
The lady pulls up to the side of the road, and lets down her wheelchair lift. It isn't wide enough for my sisters chair., so Rocky has to get out of her chair and stand on the lift, to get in the bus. OK. She can't stand up for very long. Next, the lady collapses the chair, and puts it on the lift-----and nothing happens. It stopped about 6 in. off the ground and won't budge. Dale, the driver, starts checking all her connections, reset buttons, even tried to manually pump it up. Nothing worked. By now, my sister is feeling very self-concious, and keeps asking me if she broke it. I told her no! Those things are rated to 800 lbs. The bus driver is getting more and more agitated. She's running late now to pick up the other passengers, and one has to be at work at 9:00. So the base keeps telling her different stuff to do, and she keeps trying to figure it out, and Rocky starts telling me she just wants to go back into the house and forget about it. But I wasn't having any of that. It wasn't her fault, even though the base keeps asking her weight (hello~ it's a CB radio ~ she can hear you!)
Finally, after about a half hour, the driver gets out, and starts checking all the connections again. And viola! it worked. She had not "clicked" the saftey belt that runs across the front of the lift! And we were off. It took an hour to get to the store, because like any public transportation, you have to stay on till your stop.
Coming home was even more fun, with about 15 bags of groceries, 20 lbs of dog food, the turkey and all the trimmings. They help you put your groceries on the bus--but they don't help you take them off. They just set you off on the side of the road in front of your house and the rest is up to you. Well, by now the temp has dropped ot the low 40's and IT WAS RAINING! The winds were still roaring about 20 miles an hour. I got my sister in the garage and started carrying everything in. We finally got it all put up. My pantry hasn't been this full in about 4 years. I bought way too much stuff, but with no car, who knows when I'll get to go back. At least not till after the first of next month, because now I'm broke.
Happy Thanksgiving Y'all.
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November 13, 2006 on November 13, 2006 12:00 am
The wallet crisis has passsed. Thank you for all of your support.
The wallet was found about 5 min. after it fell off the top of the car. The guys who found it, took it home with them and gave it to their Mom. She tried to call the number on the movie card, which was old of course and go some Spanish lady. So she called the bank instead. They called me and I went to Kilgore and picked it up. The lady and her mom, wouldn't take anything for returning it, so I went to WalMart and got them some flowers and a thank you card. So I'm a happy camper now.
Everything was still in it, right down to the Tylenol I had stuck in there before I left. It will still be a beans and rice month, but at least now I can have cornbread and tea with it.
On a sour note, I started Diabetes education classes today & on the way home, the car kept dieing. We just got it out of the shop at the end of August. The block was cracked, ended up costing 750.00 to get it fixed. I hope it's just minor this time. We can't keep thowing money into that old thing. It's a '86 Olds & it belongs to my sister. It has been modified so that she can drive it (she's in a wheelchair.) I sold my truck in Feb. & I have regretted it everyday since then. Live & learn.
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November 8, 2006 on November 8, 2006 12:00 am
Today would have been my Dad's 82nd birthday. It seems weird to think of him that old. I don't remember him being that old when he died. It's been 4 years since he left. I'll go by the cemetery later today, and leave some flowers. But that's just a place. He's not there.
This has to have been the ultimate worse bad day of all time! My regular mail server is still out--it's been 2 days now. So I am not ignoring anyone....just can't get in.
1. I (think) I left my wallet/checkbook on top of my car and drove away. When we get to Super I Foods, no wallet, Got Rocky in her chair, pushing her inside and neither one of us has the damn wallet. I left her there and went back home, not there. With an impending sense of doom, I drove back to Longview at 10 miles an hour with my flashers on, looking for it. Never saw it. Coming back, same routine, but I got stopped at the bank and froze the checking account. They didn't charge me since the checkbook was stolen/lost. Continuing on the way home I got out and walked down both sides of the road, from the repair garage to my house.
2. I stopped and asked the guys at the gunsmith shop--NOPE-hadn't been outside since 8 am. I stopped at the Pallet shop, where I know they go accross the street to the Exxon 3 times a day--the lady assured me that they hadn't been off the property since lunch--(which I know was a lie, they were coming back when I went in.)
3. So now I am panicking, & Rocky is trying to bring me down off the ceiling, and stop my panic attack.
4. We get on the phone, and start calling. The cost to replace you drivers' license is now $10.50 + Rocky is due to have hers renewed anyway before the end of the month (wow-luck?) so that's 24.00. Now we have to find our birth certificates.
5. Social security won't replace your cards without a picture ID--Hmmmm how long is that gonna take to get here? About 3-4 weeks. But good news there--its free.
6. Medicare will replace you card free of charge over the phone--but it will take at least a month to get here. (I have an appointment at Good Shepherd hospital next Monday--no cards.)
7. The voter registration cards were still in the wallet, so that has to be reported to the county courthouse. They were too busy to direct met to the right extension and kept cutting me off. So if any terrorist wants to try to vote again in my place -they can have fun trying.
8. I called the Better Business Bureau to report all of this, and they directed me to the fraud department, who said it wasn't a problem (((((HELLO----identity theft!)))) and hung up on me.
9. I called the Credit Bureau to put a watch on my credit report, and they weren't upset, since I have no valid credit cards. There were 3 cards in there, all cancelled. (I think.) I paid off the Beall's, but I don't know if I ever cancelled it--and now I don't know my number.
10. AND we all know--I'll never see my pictures again. Ever. Those were black and white photos of Rocky and me when she was 2 and Mama & Daddy at the Lake in 1967. Unreplaceable.
11. AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF.........Saturday is a Veteran's Day (Honor a vet). SO all the government offices will be closed either Friday, Saturday or Monday.
We never did get to the grocery store and I didn't get to visit the cemetery. I don't have any cash and my account is frozen. I can't even write a hot check. Guess it's beans and rice for the rest of the month!
BUT as Scarlett said "Tomorrow is another day!"
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I am trying to find out what part of this surgery will Medicare cover and how much I would have to pay. I am desperate. I care for my sister who is also obese. She is abt 500-600 pounds, on SSI and in a wheelchair--but she is in denial and won't even talk about surgery.
I need to change for myself & for her, My weight is 375 & BMI is 61. I am a diabetic, have hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis in all my major joints, constant back pain due to bulging and herniated disks. I am in constant fear of losing my leg because of recurring staph infections, cellulitis and veinous stasis ulcers. I also have diabetic neuropathy & lyphedema in that leg.
We have already buried both parents due to strokes, diabetes and heart disease. I have watched most of my family die from obesity related illnesses. The major killers in our family are cancer, heart attacks, strokes and diabetes.
I have been talking and thinking about this surgery for four years & my Dr. is all for it. I am 49 yrs old and weigh 378. I just recently found out exactly how much I weighed. I had to have a cardiac stress test at the hospital, and they didn't have a scale that went that high. SO they shlepped my butt down to the laundry and put me on the frieght scale. It was a little embarrasing, but it's the first time in over 10 years that I knew exactly how high my weight is & it scared me!
Currently I am on disability. I am 14 medications, for diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol, anxiety, depression, asthma and allergies.
I have always taken care of someone for as long as I can remember. My mother had an abusive marriage, and I would console her as a child, and of course food was solace for both of us. When I was 12 we moved back to Texas, and I helped my mom and aunts take care of my grandmother who had 5 strokes. I stayed with my grandparents on the week-ends and cooked for them so my Mama and Aunt Jeannie could have a break. Then after my granny died, my grandfather moved in with us after his 2 strokes. My Mom was also a diabetic and ultimately died from a heart attack in 1992. At the emergency room the Dr. told me "It was just a matter of time, she's obese, diabetic, and a second-hand smoker." Afterward I started having anxiety attacks and was depressed for more than 2 years.
My dad just died in 2002 from surgery complications. He would not heal because he was a diabetic. He had 3 strokes before his fall. Then we found out 3 weeks before he died that he had liver & colon cancer.
Now there is only my baby sister and me. We take care of each other. My sister is ten years younger than me and weighs (a guess) about 500 lbs. She is in a wheelchair because of her weight, and suffers from excessive pain from degenerative joint disease. We depend on each other. I have begged her to have this sugery with me. So far she doesn't have any other co-morbidities. She ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to even discuss surgery with me AND doesn't want me to do it either.
I desperately want this surgery. Even more so, now that I know that Medicare will pay for it.
I have a consult with the DR! April 18, 2006. I go to see my PCP next week for a letter of medical necessity, which shouldn't be a problem. I just got out of the hospital, and can add another comorbidity, congestive heart failure. The Dr.'s office manager, Freida, says Medicare will pay, given my health and I sent them a five page letter outlining my problems.
Everyone cross your fingers----this can't happen soon enough!
November 8, 2006
**Something I wrote a couple of years ago in a creative writing class.
Some people tend to get melancholy in the fall; I am just the opposite. I yearn for the fall, the first cold snap that make the air so deliciously sweet it tastes like the first bite of a fresh juicy apple; the air spinning a silken cocoon around me soft and silky. I adore the feel of sweaters straight out of the dryer, warm and fuzzy like a kitten and I love to see my breath hang in the air like wispy down floating on the slightest breeze. I look forward to brisk days for a number of reasons. The bugs are gone and there is a chill in the air that makes walking a pleasure.
Behind my house there is a road. It isn't really a road, more like a dusty trail. It was once an oil lease road, now grown faint from disuse. Walking down that road, feeling the red clay crunching beneath my feet, breathing in the air musky with the heavy scent of pine, it is an instant outdoor aromatherapy session. Sometimes I walk into the woods and just sit for a spell on a rock or a fallen log crusty with moss or inhabited by some non-aggressive wood ants, or mutilated by woodpeckers in search of luscious grubs and still partially clad in a decaying coat of bark. Occasionally I brush away the leaves at my feet and find a hopeful little sprig of fern sending a tentative but hopeful slender frond in search of warm sunlight in the shortening days.
I get caught up in all the colors of fall. It seems that the shorter the days the greater the explosion of colors. Above my head the blue jays and cardinals are a microburst of colors rocketing by, flitting from tree to tree like trapeze artist in a circus. Sauntering down the path, I see my favorite tree--the grand old hickory in his golden robes. The sumac shrubs bowing at his feet in their Halloween costumes, looking like chili peppers hung out to dry on a line. The oaks are all wrapped up in their fall coats of orange, red, yellow and even the poison ivy gets into the show with its scarlet leaves. The scene is puntuated with the deep green of the pines swaying in the sky. There are also a few wild flowers still left. Purple clusters of asters, billowing triangles of goldenrod, puntuated by the red berries of the holly tree, all adding to nature's crazy quilt.
A sudden gust of wind blows a cluster of sycamore leaves past me. The massive leaves look like little toy boats scooteing across the water. I look up at the trees swaying in the wind and marvel at a squirrel's nest precariously balanced on a small limb in a white oak tree, as if to dare Old Man Winter to blow it down.
Further along the path is a small creek that trickles merrily as it winds its way along, tripping over twigs and rocks and pooling here and there to catch the light; shimmering like diamonds accross its surface.
It is peaceful in the woods among the majestic trees, though far from quiet. The abundance of insect, bird, and animal life make it quite noisy. The calls of the blue jays, crows, and woodpeckers punctuate the sound of the woods like a construction site. The crows don't come close but I can hear them on the outskirts calling and skittering like mice. To me these are all soothing natural sounds; just as relaxing as falling rain on a tin roof.
There is an odd stillness that is only found in fall. Once I came upon a big brown rabbit, both of us standing frozen in the moment, staring at each other, afraid to breath or blink. Finally, I let my breath out in one big whoosh and the bunny scurried off and I felt blessed to have been in the presence of one of God's creatures for even the briefest of moments.
About halfway down the hill is a big pile of sandstones. When I was a kid we used to play "King of the Hill" there. Each rock is at least as big as an elephants' ear; some rivaling the size of the beast itself. This is my warm perch as I watch the sun set slowly, painting the sky with a fantastic light show.
As the day dulls and becomes grey, I reluctantly wander back up the path to my own back yard. Still enraptured with my repose, I chose to sit on the back porch and listen to day as it ends. Soon the night will takes over. Off in the distance a pair of deer are grazing at the edge of the wood as a cacophony of insects start up, presenting their own show. As the day deepends and dusk recedes into night, a pack of foxes come out to play in the pasture. Their yips and howls sound like a punk band howling at the moon. This is a treat that only happens on the chilliest of nights, although I don't know why. The foxes are like diminutive ladies with floppy plumes trailing behind them as they spin and dance across the field. (This drives my dog nuts!) Their staccato voices ringing in the night sky as the moon begins its ascent.
As the curtain comes down on this glorious show, I am reminded of my small part in the cosmos and how I have become a spectator in one of God's most sqwsome creations. The real world pulls me back into the low hum of everyday life. This delightful day has been long in coming and I do not want it to end; but I must leave my seat and go back inside to cook supper. There are mouths to feed, dishes to wash, a house that needs cleaning, but for a brief shining moment time has stood still giving me a chance to become a part of the great sympony of life.
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