October 26, 2008 - 6 months post op and down 70 lbs

I didn't make a post in October - my bad.  Let's see - we tood a trip to Disney world and made it to all the theme parks and spent an entire day at a water park.  I never pooped out, and that's no DS joke.  I had the best time and no yucky side effects.  My knees, hips and lungs all worked better than they have in years and honestly, I ate crap.  It was so bad I looked forward to getting out of there and eating some McDonalds.  Really the only good meals we ate were at Epcot in the evenings, the rest was just bad fast food.  I also ate alot of popcorn.

I can't remember what I lost last month but I seem to be losing 5-7 lbs a month no matter what I eat.  I limit simple carbs and try to watch my portion sizes now that I can eat alot more.

Head games - it seems that the mind does not catch up to what the body is doing.  In my case it has caused a few panic attacks.  The first time I went into a store and my pants were falling off, I purchased a new pair and wore them out of the store.  When I got outside I suddenly felt a frightening sense of vulnerability.  It has happened a few times since then as well.  I knew there would be emotional responses to this I just never imagined how it would work itself out in me.  I'll be fine though, I really love living my life and not being confined to this chair.  Which is why, really, I missed posting in October, right?

I recently found out that molasses has high amounts of potassium in it.   These cookies are magnificent with coffee for breakfast in the morning

Molasses Crisps
(makes 6 dozen)

1 ½ cups butter
4 cups flour (I use whole wheat flour)
4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
½ cup dark molasses
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
2 ½ cups granulated sugar (divided)
2 large eggs
1tsp cloves (optional)

Melt butter in a large sauce pan.  Remove from heat.  Let cool. Sift flour with baking soda, salt, cinnamon, cloves and ginger to the melted, cooled butter.   Add 2 cups sugar, molasses and eggs, beat well.  When smooth and thick stir in flour mixture a cup at a time.  When dough is well mixed cover and chill 2 hours or longer.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.  Roll dough into small balls, using about 1 ½ tsp of dough for each cookie.  Roll balls in remaining sugar and place 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.  Bake about 10 minutes until cookie is dark golden brown.  Remove from oven and let cool about 2 minutes before moving to wire rack.

Bakers note:  dough stores well in refrigerator until you are ready to make a batch.  Also best pulled from oven before too done, they are best when still chewy with a little crisp

Hurricane Ike rampaged its way through Texas then continued upwards through the states having a devastating effect on everything it touched.  We are without power, trees are down, schools are out, hard to find ice, gasoline and batteries but we did not suffer the worst of it.  My prayers are for the people on the coast of Texas who are suffering.

Actually yesterday was my surgiversary but Kentucky got hit by a hurricane on Sunday and we are without power, school is out and we are roughing it.   All of us are still feeling blessed to have water and no flooding, our prayers going out to those devastated in Texas.  We have played so many board games, I have battled throngs of people for the last battery operated lanterns at Walmart and waited for an hour in line for gasoline.  We are still doing so well.

Surgery - I am down nearly 60 lbs and more than half my excess weight.  Amazing this DS isn't it.  I eat what I want including beans, white flour and sugar.  I still lose weight.  I don't pig out though, I rely on my restriction and stop when my body says full.  Some days that's after a few bites, some days I can eat a whole meal.  Funny - there is no rhyme or reason to it.  I live like I never had surgery and anyone who doesn't know would never be able to guess.  I take vitamins and calcuim and I still drink protein shakes.  Life is good.

Hair loss is nearing a stop, I can see new ones coming in.  Tummy isses are none, I get gassy near my time of the month - my body cleans out and I am good to go for another month.  I am no longer lactose intolerant in small 4-6 oz amounts, haven't tried any larger.  My whole wardrobe is sitting in a consignment shop waiting to be purchased.  Oh, I loved my clothes but I have bought so many new things - even new jackets for the cool weather - now I just need a coat - trying to keep myself from buying a new shearling.

I am happy in my size 14s, I can't imagine ever being smaller than this.   When I first got the jeans I wear everyday now, I felt vulnerable, exposed - weird I know but it was almost frightening living in my own skin for a few days while I got used to me.   I pull my clothes out of the dryer and wonder how in the world I can fit into them.  Hopefully I will be able to see myself in the mirror soon.  The only new thing I have noticed is acne so I am headed out to by some zinc on Haley's adivce.

Peace sisters, I love you all - thanks for all the great advice and for keeping me entertained - we are supposed to be out of power for another week to 10 days.  It's going to seem like a lifetime.  I will take and post some pics when we get back to normal around here!

The more you make me see that I was so much fatter than I thought I was.  I am nearing 50% EWL and I will still be over 200 lbs when I get there.  It has been 17 years since I saw under that number.  It is so important to me for so many reasons and so illusive as well. 

The scale kept going up and I was able to see that with my mind.  I knew the odds were growing against me that I would ever get below 200 again.  So why in the world have I been unable to wrap my head around the fact that I will still be over 200 when I am halfway to normal weight.  I guess the gravity of the situation pushed me toward surgery but the intensity of the problem is still registering in my mind.

I am doing better now that I am not counting and watching my intake so much.  I find I am eating less and consuming better food now that I am not watching and writing it down and counting everything that goes into my mouth.  I don't know why it's working this way but I am happy it is. 

I am drinking two protein shakes a day and eat mostly protein.  I find that I don't snack on carbs or just want to junk around.  It might have to do with the hot and humid weather here of late but I am eating mostly at mealtimes and "normal" portions.  I am a picky eater though and will not eat what I don't like.  I would rather have a protein shake and a handful of nuts than to force something down just to be full.

I think this whole process is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  But it is not for the faint of heart.  It can play tricks with your mind and your body image.  At times I feel sexy and svelt and other times (most of the time) I feel as large as a whale.  I know I am neither.  The average size of a woman in the United States is a size 14 and I am considered average now.  Not in my head.  I am constantly looking around at people and wondering where I fit in, am I bigger than her or smaller?

It doesn't really matter for my self-confidence.  I think I wonder these things just because I need some bearing, some way to know where I stand in this world.  Can I fit between those chairs.  Will I be able to sit in that seat comfortable or will I break the legs?  I want to sit in my husband's lap and at the same time I don't want to hurt him.  Am I small enough to do that or will we end up in the ER?  So I spend alot of time with my family and working on my house.  I want to try and buy another house and sell this one before spring.  That should take up my thinking time and hopefully, meanwnile I'll figure out where I belong in all of this.

I seriously cannot tell I had surgery at all.  The only thing that is different is that I love having a daily trip to the bathroom.  Before surgery I might not go for days or I might go 4-6 times a day.  Now it's once a day no more, no less.  I do have ocassional bouts of gas but had that before so staying away from sugar alcohols, real sugar and white flour in large amounts.  I can eat all of those things in small amounts.  I had a slice of thin crusted supreme pizza the other night and had no problems with that and do not suffer when I have my ice cream either.  I usually do that about twice a month.  The real stuff from Ice Cream and Pie Kitchen or Graeters.  I ate alot, really alot, of sour dough bread on vacation and never had problems with it either but I did load it with butter hoping that somehow the malabsorption of the fat might just help that bread to slide on through somehow.

I am losing hair, alot of hair.  It started about 10 weeks out and is in full swing now.  I cannot tell by looking though, there are no thin spots.  I am not worried about needing a wig.  I did make an appointment with a colorist and a stylist next week for a new look though.  I am nearly halfway there and it's time for a new look.
 
I took a break from the Food and Fitness thread recently because I was concerned that I was seriously going to fail my DS.  I felt like a bad example.  I had compared my loss with others on the Lab Rat site (love that btw) and had to evaluate where this journey might end for me.  Diabetes is already a thing of the past for me and my health issues are gone so where will I be satisfied?  I made a plan to go ultra low carb and get in two protein drinks a day.  After the first day I knew this was not going to work for me.  I quit after two days.  Low carb means no nuts or seeds and I use those things as snacks during the day.  They take my carb count higher and make me feel like a failure every day.  I started having self hating thoughts and feeling horrible about myself and I cannot have that so I quit.  I focus on protein and am getting two protein shakes in a day but no longer count carbs.  I am much happier and have lost more this month than last.  So I guess it's working for me and that's what matters right now.  Thanks to GoodKel and Lori Black for their kindness and encouragement during that dark time for me.

5 more lbs down and I will be at 50% EWL.  I have gone from a size 24W to a 14W in 4 months what could be better?

Before at 267.8 lbs



After four months at 216.4 lbs