I'm down to 198 now but I have other issues that are consuming me.  I had a Basal Cell Carcinoma removed from my nose 2 weeks ago.  My dermatologist ended up going back in a 2nd time to clear it out, then he came back in the room and told me he wanted a Plastic Surgeon to close it so I would have the better result.  Unfortunately the PS couldnt see me for 2 more days.  My PS examined my nose and determined I had some infection and put me on antibiotics and instructed me on how to care for this "hole" in my nose.  At first it was very disturbing to clean it but I knew I had to do it so I just did it, sometimes I would take a pain pill prior or have a drink just to help me get the nerve up.  It's concealable with a small bandaid but when I go out in public everyone asks about it and I'm to the point where I'm fed up with it.  The PS checks me every 3-4 days and the infection is clearing out which is a good thing.  I'm so ready to move forward and pray I have a good result with a speedy recovery.  I wish I wouldnt have spent so much time in the sun and tanning beds when I was younger but I just had to be tanned like everyone else.  PPL if you are reading this please take care of your skin, sunscreen daily, forget tanning beds, wear sunglasses, coverup with long sleeves, etc.etc.  I pretty much stopped tanning in my early 20's and started taking care of my skin better but still the damage from my childhood & teenage sunburns is still there.  Get your skin checked and if you have anything suspicious have it checked immediately. I discovered my nose, I had a slight place that would bleed a bit after I exfoliated and I immediately alerted my dermatologist who took a biopsy and it came back as Basal Cell Carcinoma skin cancer.  I'm thankful it's not any worse than it is and that it's not deadly melanoma.  My husband had been the best through this and I'm trying to stay strong, I go back to my Dr. on Tuesday, hope I get some good news.  I could use some.  In the meantime I havnt excercised in 2 weeks except I did take a nice walk today.  Upon the advice of my Dr. I've been advised not to overdue it with physical activities. So I've really been trying to watch my intake so I don't gain during this stressful ordeal. Generally during this process my appetite has been pretty small but today I feel like I could just eat, eat and eat but I know it's mostly boredom and head hunger...

Yes that's me lately, I sabatoge efforts to get myself to goal.  Same pattern lose a bit, maintain for awhile then start packing it on again.  I'm probably up to 210 at the moment and I am disgusted with myself.  Why am I here because I have been making poor choices, not drinking water, not taking vitamins, eating too much junk, choclate and liquid calories and not consistently excercising.  I'm barely squeezing into those size 12's now so it's time to refocus myself.  I know in my heart if I do the right things I will be back down to onderland very soon.  I pray to God that he will give me strength to fight my battle with obesity and get down to the 180's.  I really want to have plastic surgery soon but I know I need to get back down under 200 before I consult.  I havnt been here on OH too much lately as the kids are on summer break and I've been busy with them.  I just thought it may help if I blog some about my recent lack of success.  Thanks for listening!