Okay, so it looks like since January 14th, I have not updated my blog. Where has the time gone? I have no idea that is for sure, each time I feel like doing a blog, I say to myself, “I just did a blog not to long ago. I guess I will wait.” Well it looks like about 7 people have viewed my blog. Who ever you are. Thank You! for viewing my blog. I know who one of the 7 are, but not sure if she will continue to read my blog.

There are a couple of ideas in my head that are swimming around of what I should write about. A week or 2 ago, I was going to write about how upset I was over something, but should not put in my blog, for I have been told by this person not to always write about it or mention it in my headline on Facebook. I love this person dearly, but hopefully we have come to an understanding together about my life and how I should live it. She is a Great Person, and a Great Friend, when I need one, or just want someone to listen to me bitch and complain about things in my life. I know I give her an earful, and I appreciate it, and I hope she knows it.

An update on how I am doing health wise and weight wise. I think I am down 37 pounds not really sure on that, have not weighed myself recently. Went shopping a couple days ago, and found out I am 2 jean sizes down, and a shirt size, and OMG a bra size, too. I am devastated on the bra size I wish it could have stayed the same size. Oh, well, Maybe now I can find my size, seems everyone is my size when I shop for things like that. But I am sure MANY of you did Not want to know that. Well, so be it, I wrote about it, and you’re going to know about it.   As for the working out part. I exercise at least 3 or 4 times a week. I am not sure if the 5k is actually going to happen, I just need to take it a step at a time and go at my own pace.

On the 17th of this month, I will be seeing my dietician, and my surgeon to see how I am doing. I hoping that my dietician puts me on a strict eating plan, one where I know I have to stay on, because something would happen if I happen to get off of it. So, I need an eating plan that will scare me enough that tells me if you do not eat this, than you can become sick. Or something like that. I feel I need a set eating plan, becuase than I feel it will work for me as well as this surgery has.  Hopefully, I will have some good news when I meet with them on Tuesday. And that day, I will also update all of you, so, you will know what happened.

Also for the past week or 2, I have also been trying to think of a poem to write. I have not wrote a poem for quite sometime, or even a short story for that matter.  The poem, I wanted it to be about the moon shinning through my window, becuase all of last week the moon had shown through my window at night, and it just felt so peaceful starying at it, and thinking about things in my life at this time.  Hopefully that poem will come to me, through a song that I will listen to. Most poems do when I listen to music, it flows straight from my finger tips to my keyboard, and into my computer, than off to all of you.

Okay, so my last update is basically saying, Thanks to my friends, for being my friends, and for listening to me. I know I sometimes say that I feel like I am not being heard. I know you hear me, and I appreciate it. To a friend out there, that is going through some problems, but not really sure its a problem, because I am going through it, too. We will find that person, I know we will. He will be in our lives, we just have to remind ourselves that we can not search for love. Love has to find us, and the one that is out there for you and for me, will have to find us or fall upon us in meeting. *Hugs*

By the Way, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! The Day I wish I had a man to love and vice versa. I am a romantic at heart. LOL

~Lesha

*******To see the Pictures & Video. Please go to my blog page    http://mysteriouswriter.wordpress.com/    *******       



        Well, As you can see there are three pictures, frogs, and a person running on a treadmill. These pictures have meanings, and what I have been thinking, dreaming, and some what of a premonition, to which I have had many premonitions in my life. But this one is very significant. Lets start with the frogs.          

       A few nights ago, I had a dream. I was in a grassy area, walking. I saw a frog behind me, I bent down, was about to pick it up, just like I did when I was a kid. But mostly when I was a kid, I picked up Salamanders, sometimes frogs but not all the time. (Which reminds me of one summer when I was at least 11 or 12 years of age) So, onto the dream again. Before I picked up the baby frog which is the second picture. The baby frog jumped, and attached it self to my leg. I remember in my dream looking down and smiling, the frog felt sticky. I must have had a piece of paper on me, because the next thing I realize is taking that paper, trying to get the frog off of me with out hurting it, and also to unattach it self from my leg. When I finally removed the frog, and it was on the paper, I brought the frog to the cement, so it could jump off, but the frog did not want to go anywhere, and it just looked at me.         

     Finally after a while it jumped off. But than reattached it self to my leg, again, and it continued to be on my leg when the dream ended. When the dream did end, I looked back and saw the frog, which is picture one, jumping in the grass right to me.          

     I do not know what the dreams mean, I have tried researching the meaning behind the dream of frogs, and I find is this:

“To dream of catching frogs, denotes carelessness in watching
after your health, which may cause no little distress among
those of your family.

To see frogs in the grass, denotes that you will have a pleasant
and even-tempered friend as your confidant and counselor.

To see a bullfrog, denotes, for a woman, marriage with a wealthy widower,
but there will be children with him to be cared for.

To see frogs in low marshy places, foretells trouble, but you
will overcome it by the kindness of others.”

(  http://www.mysticfamiliar.com/library/dream_meanings/dreams_f.htm  ) <

    
        I do not know what my dream really means, but I do know that the first picture is a bullfrog, which is the frog that was in the grass, jumping to me at the end of the dream. I know it was a bullfrog because I remembered the look of the frog in my dream. Also in this dream, I was skinny. I was wearing black knee high pants, maybe a little longer with a white tank top. So, if anyone is willing to analyze my dream or make meaning of my dream, I would love to hear your input. :)

Okay, so onto the Treadmill picture.       
       A few hours ago, I finished watching a movie called "Daddy's Little Girls." Yes, it is a chick flick, but the movie is, Awesome. When the movie ended, that is when I kinda had a premonition. But before I go on, I want to explain, that I have been thinking about this for the past few weeks, I finally told one person today, because I know she would understand, and because she was my trainer at a Gym that I used to go to.         
      On Tuesday, I signed up at her Gym, got a new membership, and told her this, "One of my dreams, since I started, this whole weight loss, and becoming healthier is to run a 5k."           
         I think that is a pretty damn good goal if you ask me. Well, with this premonition I had, was me starting in the beginning with all the other runners, I had my friend, my trainer running with me on my first 5k motivating me. Than at the end of the race, I fall to my knees crying happy tears, becuase I could not believe, that I actually did it. Now, to remind you this is like a premonition. I stand up, take off my number, smiling with tears still running down my face. I see people taking pictures, and a few cameras, for unknown reasons to me, I am not sure why. In this premonition, I see all the colors, everyone cheering all of us runners on, I look over to them and all I can see are their smiling faces. I see my moms smiling face, I see some other family members, too.           
         This is what I want to work towards, too. I need to finish at least this goal, this year. Most 5k's that I do know of, are at the end of spring time, because it is not too hot.  I have not told anyone of my family members or even my mom, so blog readers, and some family members, who read this, You are the First to Know.      
       My song of the day, and do not huff, its only Billy Ray Cyrus, and its a good song, it is called "The Beginning."
~Lesha  

OMG! Can You believe it that it has been two months since I have had my surgery? My has time flown, as I know of, I have lost a total of 31 pounds. But that is quite a guess there, since I have not weight myself since December 11th when I last saw my surgeon.

I am happy with the out come thus far, I hope it gets better from here. Since I have had the surgery, I felt motivated, and now, I feel that motivation is dwindleing. I need to either find a gym or at least by a Wii, and Wii fit.  I need to be healthy, and I am getting a healthy. But I do know that by the end of 2009, I will be at the weight that I want to be at.

Okay, on to something that I have been thinking constantly about.

I want to buy my first place, like a condo. A place to call my own, right now I am in an Apartment, but its just so small, I like my space, lots of space.

Well I guess that is the update, not much to update but its good. I see my primary Dr. on Monday and my Surgeon for a fill on Thursday.

Thanks Everyone for Replying when you do.

Happy New Year!

~Lesha

Hey Everyone, I got an email today asking me a question of sorts. In the heading it said, “If I walked along your path…” Than when I opened the email, it asks, “What will I learn?”

I thought this was a cool blog idea, and to share with everyone what I feel and thought. Enjoy, Thanks Cindy for asking this and giving me the idea to put in a blog.

~Lesha

——

If you walked along my path, you will learn a lot of interesting details about my life, from my past struggles and to where I am at now. My path only gets longer. My path even brings on new exciting people, and adventures every day. My path is curvy, very much hilly like as if you were on a road. There are plenty of stop signs, detours, and holes in this road, never once was my path perfect or is now. I am still on the same path back to where I first started so I can fix those holes in the road, and hope to add a couple more stop signs, so I can have time to stop and think before I go on to the next part of the road again. As to what I like to call it a Journey. One road is never the same, but it is sometimes always wise to go back to fix the path you were on so you can move onto your next Journey on a different road. Fixing that first Road you were on will be much faster than when you first started on the first Journey.

I am only 24, with still so much more to learn in life. All I know, is that I feel I am on my right path now than I was in previously years passed. The Journey on my weight loss is only beginning, it just started. I can not wait to finish this road to a healthier me. I always thought that I had to go in search for myself, but I learned one day, that I need to stop searching because what ever is out there for you, will eventually fall into your lap for you to pick up and to hold onto so you can bring it down your own path in life. Its okay to have friends, and family with but sometimes its always best to just have them at the sidelines chearing you on, instead of them holding your hand. I always told my self since I was 7 yrs old. If I need help, I will ask for help. If I need support, I will ask for it. I am the type of person that I need to try it countless of times till I can not figure it out before I ask for the support or for the help. But with this new life style change in my life, on this new path/Journey, I did simply ask for help and support from friends and family. It was a struggle to ask those that I felt never really supported in all the Journey’s and Paths that I have taken, but I was totally wrong, they just showed me in their own way that I never watched for, yet I now feel that these people are with me in my path or on my sidelines 

I will take anyone who is willing to jump on the path with me, who wants to see the same outcome in life or different outcome, because sometimes even though you have the support and help on the sidelines. It also does not hurt to have a friend or a new found friend on the same path so you can learn things together. They can be ahead of you or vice versa but their outcome will still be different, as so will yours.

Okay, I know that my last blog, had a lot of mispelled words, lots of run-on sentences, and words that were missing. It is not one of my best blogs becuase I threw it together in less than an hour, and just basically said, ‘here, read it.’  I wrote the blog to fast and you could tell how I wrote it.

Lately, I have been questioning some things in my life. I am very happy with my life, with my weight loss, and the feeling that I can actually accomplish this in my life, becuase I have my family and friends that have my back. The one thing that I get annoyed with, with this whole weight loss and life change is the constant questions of: How are you doing? How much have you lost? Are you happy? Can you believe it that you actually did it?

I am Great, that is how I am doing. I have now lost a total of 27 ibs making me weigh in at 240. I have constantly said that, “Yes! I am Happy.” I can believe that I actually did do it. I am surprised that I did it, I am surprise that it is actually helping me become healthy and me being the person that I always knew was there. Because the ‘Me’ before my whole weight issue in my life some how was hidding away from everything that I wish I could have accomplished way before. I miss the person that I was before I moved when I was 9/10 yrs old.  The first year was fine but thats when it all changed in my life, something happened to me than, and I do not know what, but I wish I was that kid that got that Award in Elementry, the Award was Best Smile.  I even remember the teacher, her name is Mrs. Tabbert. She retired, and she was my 2nd grade teacher.

I am slowly gaining my self confidence back in myself, since it has been gone for so long. I look at myself in the mirror when I am all ready to go somewhere and see that my clothes are hanging off of me, in some of them I feel like I am swimming. Funny thing is now, with my jeans, I put my hands into my pocket and push my pants all the way down with out having to button or zip them to get them off.  Thats a great feeling, so pretty soon I am gonna have to start wearing belts, and baggy jeans before I buy new clothes. 

I walk the mall but every time I do so, I smell the food and wish I could buy some ice cream or eat that greasy hamburger from Culvers, but than I look how well I am doing. I am making a promise to myself that I am never going to eat at a fast food resturant. If I do and I am with someone, I will eat a salad.  Yet, I do not trust myself  cause I know it will restart the addiction if you so want to call it that. I was never addicted to food, its not like I had to have it or eat it but I caught myself eating fast food when I felt very emotional or when someone will make a comment about my weight. 

Weight has always been an issue with me and always will be, whether I like to admit or not. I did admit but still it is something in the back of me that just says, ‘What the hell? How did you get like this?’ It is all those comments that people make, that made me have a weight issue. I never ignored them, I also find myself that it is very hard to take a compliment. I do not know what to say when someone tells me I am looking good besides a ‘thank you.’  I think it is because all those years of not being the person I know I was. I was hidding. I am no longer going to hide, I can not hide. I need that person back before the weight issue began.

I know most of you are thinking that this blog is some what depressing, but I am not depressed. Just stating my feelings, and how I feel with this whole weight loss issue. It is a very touchy subject and there are only a few people that I can talk face to face with about my issues, and some by the phone. And of course writing my blogs for all to read. But the hardest part is trying to tell friends and a few family members this face to face. I hope those family members who read this, understand. I hope they understand that I am fine. I am doing the best I can, like I always have, and I always will. They should also know that if I want help, I will ask for it. Very rarely do I ask for help, because I feel that need to do it myself, so I can feel that accomplish feeling. All you gotta do is be by the side lines to chear me on in the Journey, stay there, cause it is not finished, yet.  As for my friends, I am not going to name, names but please listen to me and give me the best advice that you think you should give, be on the side lines with my family chearing me on. Listen to me vent, like the many times that I have listened and given advice. The major things in my life that I hold close to me and want from people and me giving it back is Loyalness. I want my friends close, I want my family, I want us to support each other no matter what the circumstances are.

Well, I guess this is it for now. I hope you all have a great Holiday season. I will see you soon.

~Lesha