Well, what can i say? have not had anything to do, no doctor appts, no classes, no tests... am i really getting close? trying to stick to a eating plan, today i did not do well!! and i had real coffee with real sugar and cream a big no no. Today work sucked, the weather was cool and windy, and my post op foot hurt. I needed a pick me up, unfortunately it was coffee and a pop tart... terrible huh? i need to straighten my act up, soon... real soon.  On a good note were going to the nascar car  race this weekend in virginia, this should be fun! looking forward to my next class! sometimes i think i need extra appts with nutrition, or maybe psych. some days are like katy perrys song, your up and your down, your in and your out, it's black and its white. maybe i need to up my celexa, maybe i should ask about that....but then i really feel like a nut!

well as embarrassing as it is, i gained 31 pounds since i started the bariatric program. I started at about 234, then after 2 months of no work i was 264, then last weigh in 261  Alot  of that was from my foot surgery, but some was from me too. So i decided that it would be helpful, that at my next weigh in that i loose a little, so i am dieting, i have  lost 2.6 pounds on my home scale so i am 258.4  and I'm going to try to behave. I had a nice dinner tonight, although my stomach is GROWLING!!  but i haven't snacked in 3 days.  I had my teeth cleaned today and she did a number on me, but that's my fault,  it's been one yr since last cleaning. I went back to work yesterday, and walked about a mile or more.  Other than that, I'm just happy that i don't have any more testing for awhile, and no classes until April 8 & 21.  Then I'll have to see what comes after that. i will keep blogging for me a other people on their journey also, and now that i do it, i enjoy it.  I like meeting new people on here, and their stories, we all have one!

Another good day for me, I'm happy!! went to another appt., women's wellness.... all went great, today is the day i have completed my preop "to do" list with the medical side of it anyway, i have 2 more classes, one each of education, and preop support.  Those will be completed April 21... then i have to have a one on one with my surgeon.  My surgeon is awesome, and it's a female, not sure if shes active military or a civilian,  but either way she is GREAT.  The more i see her in my classes, the more comfortable i get with this whole thing.  Today is also the first day, it sunk into my husbands head of what i want to do. he knows, guess he was in cloud.  But with him him being 22 yrs in the army, he does not have weight issues, never has, although now..... he does have a (beer-belly)  LOL it's really hard to explain to a anyone what this is like.  Being over weight, fat, obese, grossly obese... unless your one of us.  So then today he confesses he's scared, worried, upset, not sure if i am making a good choice and all that kind of stuff. which i understand, but I'm not going into this like its simple answer, a minor operation, a hang-nail.  This is major, this is my last chance, my only chance.  Like i heard in class today, my surgeon is giving me life, and i will owe her a depth of gratitude, that can only be repaid by doing what i am suppose to do.  Eat my protein, drink my water, get off my ass, work out, break a sweat.... and most of all take this 12 months to reprogram my brain, to eat to live, not live to eat.  Guess my husband does not see me as 260, before he knew my weight tonight, he said "yeah you had surgery and gained a little, I'd be worried if you weighed 250" HA so i say well guess what, I'm past that doofus, I'm 260.. the pants i wore to work 2 moths ago, wont go over my BUTT they were 16, i had to go out and buy a 18w to go back to work in.  He does not think gaining 30 lbs since foot surgery is bad lol.. but its not his BUTT. lol  but i am moving closer, and closer, i may even have surgery the first part of may, have to wait and see.  I have to buy a elliptical machine before surgery, i am 30 miles from the gym, so  that ain't working for me.  I'm gonna have to walk and work out from home!

I went to take my pre-op quiz, it was 3 1/2 pages, i got a 90%.  Then we discussed the few items i did miss, i got the most important ones right! like complications with surgery, how big your stomach is, side effects of RNY, how much to eat etc.... most of them were multiple choice, that helps! but I'm one step closer, my psychologist was surprised to see me twice in one day with appointments, it's really becoming to seem real now, the closer i get, to my  new birthday!  the freedom from FAT, I'm gonna honor my new birthday with a tattoo of a bird, with my new birthday inside it, so i can remind myself of where i came from, and not to forget my personal struggles, to overcome my weight.  Reading a great book also "it's not what your eating, it's whats eating you" so far so good, think it will help me re-program my brain, to eat for fuel, and not to eat, just because its tastes good, or looks good, and all that stuff "we" have to work with!!  I am going on my favorite (kinda) diet, so i can get some of this 30 pounds off I've picked up, plus i really owe it to myself, my surgeon, my anesthesiologist, and my bariatric nurse to prove i am serious about changing my life  for good!!  and i have another appointment for tomorrow!!!      yeah!!

Went for my follow up with my psychologist, and it went great!! this was the thing i was worried about the most, i don't why, but i was... the only bad thing is, i have gained 30 pounds since starting in the bariatric program, that's not good at all... but its due to my foot surgery, and all my set backs with it mostly, and also bad food choices too.  My psychologist is a real nice lady, shes so cute and petite... and smart, she appears to pretty young, maybe even under 30!! shes got a lot going for her.  Now my next hurdle is today at 2pm, i am taking my preop quiz, which is a requirement, i am pretty comfortable taking this, i have read a lot of literature besides my books i got from the surgery clinic.  I'm just upset about the 30 pounds, thats terrible, i need to get back to work, which i will be doing tomorrow,atleast there i'll be moving all the time...i feel like a COW