Dec. 12 2003
Yesterday met with Dr. Wallace from SSCS about the Laparoscopic surgery. He was very informative and I really felt very comfortable with him and he had a great personality. I'd recommend him to anyone looking for a doctor in his area of practice. He spent a lot of time with me going over the procedure and all the risks involved. So I put a call into PJ to start getting my ducks in a row and to contact my insurance about getting approved. I'd basically need an Upper GI a sleep apnia test - cause my mom does have that, and the psych evaluation. I'm just hoping and praying everything goes smoothly.

 

Dec. 19 2003
Been calling the office manager that the Dr. told me to for two weeks now to get the ball rolling so to speak, and leaving my name and number and no one will return my call. It's gotten to the point I feel like a idiot even leaving a message there. I feel like I was finally getting somewhere and now I'm stuck again...
Feeling Depressed...

 

Jan. 01 2004
Ok...
Got a call from Denise yesterday "Medicare" will not pre-approve gastric bypass surgery they "might" pay for it after the fact if you can prove it was necessary. But you'd need to sign a contract that if they won't pay you will. This is a scary thought cause I'm not sure if or how I could ever pay that kinda amount of money ever back if I was denied from Medicare after the fact. I hate being in this situation like I choose to be on Public Aide or now Medicare I'm 29 years old! I wanna be able to work again! I wanna be able to function! With all of my back problems, side effects from the surgeries, nerve damage, how could I possibly be turned down. Jesus I just wanna be able to walk people!~
I'm at a crossroads I told Denise to mail me a copy of the contract that I would think it over. It really sucks cause I wanted this done through the Suburban Surgical Care Specialists group. I trusted their years of experience and knowledge of this procedure. I really liked the doctor I met with and they are close to my area seeing that I can't drive and rely on others alot. Now today I'm back to looking at the doctors who would accept Public Aide and the closest I can find is in Peoria, IL and maybe start over from there. I'm kinda heart sick over this I feel that being stuck in this situation with these insurance's people look at me like I'm some deadbeat or something. I'm stuck here because I killed myself at my job and now I can't seem to try to fix myself cause no one will take the coverage I have its very aggravating. Here I met with Dr. Wallace on Dec 11 and didn't hear this till Dec 31 I feel like I just wasted my time. Don't get me wrong Pj, Denise, and everyone in SSCS has been great tying to help me. I think on Monday I'll just start calling Dr.'s in Peoria and that one I found in Chicago and start all over with trying to find a doctor who would take a person on Public Aide. I'll just keep cracking away till I get there. This is all for now.

 

Feb. 01 2004
Talked with Denise person again she is waiting on Medicare to send her paperwork so she can send me the contract info. So far I've been waiting Jan. Why is it some people get results right away and others have to wait forever I dunno. But I keep researching and reading everything I can and staying positive. I just would like to start getting somewhere...
 
Feb. 12 2004
Got copy of contract in the mail this morning and I am looking it over. It's a lot to consider if Medicare does not come thru and pay for it after the fact. But I feel if I get the other testing done it will be enough proof it IS medically necessary for me added with all my spine issues. So thats what I'm doing today. Makes me think of that old Sesame Street song."It's a long  long climb but I'm gonna get there I'm climbing to the morninng sun" lol.

 

July 21 2004
Had some family and financial problems and now I'm getting back to pursuing this surgery. Ok I must come up with 2,300.00 to prepay for the next phase to go for the sleep eval. and then the phyic test. Once those are done I can head for surgery and battle it out with Medicare afterwards but Medicare has come along way recently and with all my prexsisting things I do not see how I could be turned down so I'm going full steam ahead with this again. So in August I will have the monet to start up on this again. I am feeling hopeful. :D

 

Sep. 06 2004
Ok I haven't updated in a while things I have done
Aug 18 met with Denice and did the crazy 567 I'm not too crazy testing
Aug 31 got my Impact Recovery mix and met with Therapist he gave me the ok Weeeeee!~
Sep. 4 went to Behavioral support group meeting
Sep 4 went to sleep study I do have sleep Apnea - which will help me beat up my insurance with.
Sep 9 I go meet with Dr. Wallace for the second time and maybe just maybe get my surgery date! Lets hope anyway :D
 
I did go and tell a few people I was trying to have this surgery done and I've gotten some great support so thats really helping as well. I'm feeling excited and good about geting all of these things out of the way and hoping to get started soon on a new healthier me. 
 

Sep. 26, 2004
Ok I'm down to the very last steps I'm sorta getting excited and nervous now cause once I see Dr. Hart all he needs to do is fax the Bariatric Center and then I should have a date. And I see him on the 12th so its not that far away now.
 
Dietary Consultation at Alexian Brothers September 29 go to outpatient to register then go to Auditorium room A be there at 8:00am meeting starts at 8:30am
Dr. Samuelson follow-up Oct 5 at 1:30pm to ok my foot
Dr. Hart at Alexian Bros. Oct 12 at 10:30am - to read Cpap machine
Once seen by Dr. Hart his office will fax my release for surgery to Attn. Ulga to Suburban Surgical fax # 1-847-463-2691 so I can schedule a surgery date
 
Things are really coming together for me now. :D  Mac's been a great supportive friend to me thru all this as well as Emily. And my sisters starting to come around. I so hope I can have this done asap cause I want to start off the new year on the other side working towards a new healthier me. Plus I so wanna see the results in my walking.

 

Sep. 28 2004
Tomorrow I go for my Nutrition Class down at Alexian Brothers and then on the way back were stopping to pick up my stuff for my sleep apnea and learn how to use it and stuff. I had a long talk with my good friend Mac last night about some of my anxiety over the upcoming surgery soon. He helped me out a lot last night. I know I'm making the right and only choice for myself in this weight loss battle but sometimes it feels good to get a positive hug to know your going in the right direction.

 

Oct. 04 2004
Lets see I go to see my foot Dr. tomorrow and I am hoping I get the ok to walk but I doubt I'll get that cause there is still a scab on my foot on the heel. I'm feeling kinda alone now in my quest towards this weight loss surgery. My mother keeps trying to talk me out of it but I know myself inside and out I know no diet will work long term for me I need this tool to help me get there. I so desperately wanna walk and have better balance. There are no words to describe how it feels from being normal and now being like this. I know everyone one has up and down days but I so desperately want some sort of life back some trace of the me I used to know and be I miss her the old Deborah...
I got my sleep Cpap machine for my sleep Apnea it takes a while to get used to it at night but I have a lot more energy now and not needing a nap everyday. I go back to Dr. Hart on the 12 and if everythings ok he will release me for a surgery date just think a new me in 2005 how cool would that be...

 

Oct. 12 2004
Met with Dr. Hart for my sleep apnea followup and to get released from him to get my surgery date. Getting his ok was the last step I needed to take to get to have Ulga give me a surgery date. He released me even with my foot not being fully healed which I was so worried he would not!!! So now Friday or Monday she should be calling me to schedule a definite surgery date. It's both exciting and a bit scary after all this time and appointments its like I'm finally seeing the light under the door to a hallway in my life. On my sleep study it showed I stopped breathing 121 times during the sleep study night which is scary considering I hardly slept that night. My sister was driving me home today from the hospital and she was like "Deb this is a lot to go thru are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" I took a moment to think it over and told her I've had 5 years of sitting in my house with health problems I'm not spending another 5 like this, I want to walk that bad to take any means possible to get there. My friend Mac has been so supportive we me having this I feel so lucky sometimes that I have him in my life he is a wall of strength I need at my side. I don't really talk about him much but he's a very good friend.

 

Oct. 18 2004
I HAVE A DATE!!! NOVEMBER 12 2004!!!!!!
I'm so excited if I could I'd dance around the room but for now I grabbed my little dog Chai and we did a victory computer chair dance!!!! I have to post and call my sister and tell Mac! I'm sooooooooooo happy!!!!!

 

Oct. 21, 2004
What's new? Got my call for my pre-surgery Upper GI and to get my labs done on Oct 26 another crazy morning driving down to Alexian Bros. In insane morning traffic and Ugh-ga-bugga drinking that barium stuff, but my last step before my surgery date. Last night I found myself staring a 4oz container of my nephew's fruit cocktail thinking... Wow that's my new 4oz life right there its odd how I'm not worried at all about the food issue or pain cause I've lived thru that kinda thing before its the hospital stay and being stuck there 3 whole days! Being uncomfortable and stuff. Pain is pain ya know but man I hope I don't have a room mate from Hell, a bad roommate makes the time twice as long and annoying. Started my list of things to bring and things needed to be done before I go in thinking about my pets and stuff but for the most part its just a waiting game now and I'm a bit nervous lately.
 
Oct. 31, 2004
Spent some time playing around with my profile this morning trying to make it more funky. I've still not gone out to pick up my vitamins or protein for after surgery yet but I figure I'll do that on Saturday do one big pre-shopping trip so that I'll have everything set to go for when I come home and whatnot I'm always super planner girl like that. Last week I was going kinda crazy in my head thinking "Am I doing the right thing?" "Will I be ok?" "It's not to late to back out and run to the nearest door!" Heehee but now I'm fine and excited to get the day here again and onto recovery time. I think we all go thru a panic once everything is in place and all the fighting to just get a date is over. I should be really thankful for even getting a date I read so many stories of people trying so hard and getting doors slammed on them time and time again. People with problems more worse then mine and with more weight to lose. I really feel that I should be thankful that I am even here and am so close to my surgery date not everyone gets this far. I saw on Dr. Phil on Friday they did a show on WLS there wasn't much info there I didn't already know. But I think the point of the show was kinda like even though you have this surgery you will still have your same emotional problems and your still going to want to turn to food. That you still have to change your inner thinking and behavior. I've read his book and there is a lot of good things in his 7 keys to weight loss that I will try to use as I start this life change that I know will help me along my way. I got some free samples in the mail of Nectar protein drink I'm gonna try one out tonight but I'm really loving this Propel water. I'm really hoping it still tastes this good after surgery. Everyone should try it :D
 
Now. 7 2004
Went out and did my pre-surgery shopping today. So now I'm all set for Friday. Got 2 new sweat suit outfits and a matching hoodie for coming home in and wearing around the house. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a anti-sweatsuit person but I'm going for comfort and the pink set is kinda cute with the hoodie. Started my impact recovery drink on Saturday and I gotta say its about as tasty as an item like that can be...it's icky but there are worse things out there I guess. Went to Sam's Club and got a multi flavor pack of Propel I was so excited to see they had it and I also got 2 cases of regular water. Tonight I'm drinking the last Cherry Coke of my life so I'm gonna put on my new dvd of Shrek 2 and sip it slow and enjoy every last drop of it. Break ups come to us all and I will forever miss my Cherry Coke little friend but we must part we had some good times together. I started my fast today and its been hard today not to go insane but I'm doing it and I will get thru this. In the last two weeks there has been shows on about WLS and all the risks and people who have had complications and another story of a man who died from it. My Mom keeps telling me if I change my mind at anytime all I have to do is say so and she will get the car lol. I am nervous and kinda scared but to be honest I'm more scared of where I will be in the next 5 years if I don't do this for myself now. As hard as this is going to be being where I am at now is so much harder I believe.

 

Nov.  08 2004
Watched Oprah today about the lady who lost 300 lbs and with my surgery coming up this Friday it threw into a crying panic. Her life was so hard and how much she missed out in her life really made me think. I cried the entire episode through. I'm going thru this whole emotional roller coaster this week it seems. I know everyone goes thru this and then once they are on the other side things get better. I've drank so much water today I feel like my insides are surfing. I just got to stay calm and focused and not flip out into a full panic attack. I can do this. I will do this. I will succeed. And be stronger for it. Now if that hunger voice in my head would just stop nagging me and telling me I want a Quizno's sandwich I should be good to go. Damn hunger voice someday I'm soooooo going to kick your butt.

 

Nov. 11 2004
Went yesterday down to Dr. Harts office to get my Lovenox information and tomorrow is my big day at 3:15. I've been on a emotional roller coaster ride all of this week thinking and rethinking this through and if this is the right thing for me and my conclusion is, the real reality of it is it's the only thing that will get me to change my life for the better. I've had a lifetime of bad choices that have lead me to where I am at. I need this tool to get me started on making my health better to be the best person I can be and to get there I need help and a start off point. So I have set my bedroom up as my recovery station for when I get home and stuff I'm hoping I'm home in 3 days. My Mom is coming and staying with me and my sister is coming as well. I'm more worried about my other problems then the actual surgery or pain from it. But the only thing thats driving me crazy today is I've had nerve pain going off in my foot since 1:30 yesterday and its still causing me pain and I can't take anything for it which is driving me semi-crazy.

 

Nov. 11  2004
Ahhhhhhhhh! They moved me from the last to the first surgery of the day now I have to be there at 5:30am!!! Oh and bowel prep is the worst torture ever on the planet and the maker of this stuff should get his/her butt kicked... Ugh I'm dying here. But anyway I'll see you on the other side next time I update.
Wish me luck!!!

 

Nov. 12 2004
Surgery!~

 

Nov. 17 2004
Things went extremely well with my surgery no problems or complications. Went in on Friday morning and was home Monday night. Had problem going to the bathroom from all the pain in my stomach area but was finally able to go and came home Monday night. I lucked out and had a private room which I was so thankful for. And my best friend became my Bari Bear to help me cough with I've been using him all the time. Seems to me I had more pain from my gall bladder surgery them from this. The staple areas are looking good but I can't say I won't be thrilled to lose this drain thing. I am feeling Ok hoping this bloated feeling will pass soon and just taking it easy. I had a really kind nurse and a great hospital stay and would suggest Suburban Surgical Team to anyone who was interested in this surgery, they are wonderful. This liquid stage is getting kind of boring but its only a stage everyone must face. My sister and Bree brought me a little golden bird over yesterday its really cute and the lyrics to my Little Bird song I love by Annie Lennox. I've seen people latch on to the Butterfly as the symbol of their life change but I think for me I'm the little bird. So I might make my symbol of a new start in my life as a little bird.
 
Nov. 18 2004
It's feel under the weather and it's been a long day. I feel mostly utterly wretched or insidiously heinous I can't decide. I know its me first week but smells are making me queasy from the door opening to the smell of shampoo its really sort of weird like waking up super sensitized and I gotta say turning into a hero overnight like say Spiderman where your whole senses changes is really a very odd experience to go thru. I wouldn't call it sick but I wouldn't call it well either. I'm terrified of throwing up and the pain it would cause me. I'm just waiting for time to pass this week to where I'm less sore. I think I'm in withdrawal and crying jags keep hitting me over nothing everyday things I'm not a very good patient I guess. On a brite note my bruises are getting smaller the one on my wrist is about apple size now and the rest of me is coming along I guess. Mostly I'm exshausted the entire time I'm awake and when I sleep I get no rest. I just keep saying "It's Thursday I can make it, it's Thursday."...

 

Nov. 20 2004
I am up and around felling less sore and gotten used to the Lovenox shots I still think they suck but oh well only a few more days. I go get my drain out on Nov. 24, thank God! The thing is eww and I swear it smells or something. Tomorrow I start on puree foods Weeeeeeeeee!!! Anything over broth man! My nephew Austin was making fun of me "Your eating baaaaaaby food" cause he saw my applesauce heeheehee "I don't eat baby food I'm a big boy" lol trying to explain to someone who is 2 reasons for eating baby food is almost comical but I tried anyways lol. I'm worried about my foot but I got to keep moving so its a catch 22 either way. Danny's Mom sent me over some magazines and a Nora Roberts book that I've added to my reading pile. Over all today I feel pretty fine almost normal unless I'm in one position for too long of a time. Put in a new hamster design on my profile for some fun and I like how it came out. I've taken to drinking teas and I'm liking my little 4oz. tea time. Got the new winter Victorian Lady catalog and am going all Ga-Ga over this red dress coat I keep eyeing it thinking "Hummm if I ordered it in a Xl it might fit someday. I'm really starting to think of goals I want to set for myself and want to maybe see if my sister would join Curves with me. Its a idea.

 

Nov. 22 2004
I'm starting to think about goals and where I want to be this time in the next year and the year after that. The pain and blah's of surgery are starting to pass and soon the real work on myself will begin. I want to start a scrapbook on my new journey and keep a visual aide of how I'm doing just for myself. I think it will be good to see the progress I make something I can go thru later on. There are no other clothes on the planet that I love more then in the Victorian Trading Co. catalog. I'm not a modern kinda girl with the exception of eyeliner lol and I've never really been able to dress to my true taste in clothes. Always sort of "Well, this isn't as hidious as that or at least there is not a giant rose bud on the boob." These are the kinda of clothes that are my true* taste that I've never even come close to wearing. These really are only a dream at this point but wouldn't it be nice to really to be able to wear your dream dress someday...
Just some dreams...

 

Nov. 24 2004
We got snow today! Went in for my surgeon followup and to get my drain removed. Weeeee! Good-bye and good riddance to that thing. Went over a lot of things about vitamins and foods I can try now. I'm going back to drinking my morning hot tea to help loosen things up for my water drinking. I think the water drinking is the hardest thing for me right now cause it takes forever and to retrain myself into a sipper and not a gulper lol. I had my first post surgery weigh in and I'm down 24 pounds so far which was surprising and cool news. And I'm feeling really well and more of myself everyday.
 
Dec. 02 2004
Followed up today with Dr. Hart and my Lovenox study. I'm doing really great no signs of blood clots and I've not been sick or had side effects to any food I've eaten so far. Got weighed today I'm down 34lbs which is exciting news. My bruises are fading and for the most part I feel great still a bit sore on the side where the drain was but I wore jeans for the first time since surgery today and they didn't hurt so thats good news too. I've had a few rough days being down about food but each day is a little better.
 

Dec. 08 2004
I'm an all over the place emotional wreck right now. I've had some bad news in my personal life and my first thought was running to food aka Pizza to drown out all my worries and fears. And this is no longer an option for me. I just sat in my room and cried for about 2 hours and went to bed early. I don't think I ever really realizes how much my life and false happiness was surrounded by food and now without it there I am scrambling trying to find a place to run to. I just keep taking one day at a time but I sometimes wish I had someone to turn to in my life none of my friends would get this and everyone else has problems of their own. I know this will get better and it will but man right now I'm just waiting for the time and pounds to pass. Also drinking water is still hard for me to get it all in. But on a plus side I got my  Bariatric Chewable Vitamins in the mail this week. Now if I can find a decent protein I'll be set.

 

Dec. 16 2004
Went in for my follow up nutrition class today. A lot of information and stuff. I think the next time I go in to see Dr. Wallace I'm gonna ask for a script. for seeing someone about the kind of exercising I will be able to do will my back issues. I want to start working out but I fear of hurting myself.  Had some fun moments today I can make a fist in the space between myself and my jeans and a new pair of flannel pj's that didn't fit before now do so that was cool. I find it odd that with all these meetings I go to I'm like the only person there who never gets sick from anything I eat. I am thinking of switching my vitamins over to Optisource from the Bariatric ones I'm not taking but I'll wait till I need to reorder to make that decision. Had a horrible period this month but I guess thats expected with all the trama thats been going on with me oh and I'm moving soon too.

 

Jan. 02 2005
Things are going well and I have another follow up appointment coming up this month. I have been wondering where my weight loss is at since I get weighed in at the office for right now. I've been avoiding buying a scale cause I don't want to become scale obsessed. Ugh! Need to find a better protein drink as the tub I got now is kinda so/so in the taste department it's not overly horrible but its not good either. Moved this past weekend and with the stress I've eaten bread a few times this week of thin crust pizza it worries me that and the fact I do not dump on sugar at all makes it twice as scary for me. So I'm not going to eat sugar at all best to avoid it altogether. Looking for a new apartment or house is underway although I'd love to win the HGTV Dreamhouse and not have to worry about it at all lol. I'd move to Texas in a heartbeat as all my new friends live there. Not much to report till my next office visit and weigh in.

 

Jan 07 2005
Yesterday fought our way thru the snow and went for my follow up appointment and got weighed. So far I'm down 46 pounds. I go back in April for my labs.In between moving from one house to another I'm staying at my sisters and there are treats everywhere its been hard to put them out of my mind and not think about them but I'm doing all that I can to avoid them. Got myself two protein bars to try out we will see how those taste. I'm hoping they are above the normal sawdust and nuts taste lol. Mac has taken to trying to changing his meal intake and choose better things to eat and I will support himin this the best I can. I'm hoping to lose about 100 pounds between now and June so far I'm almost half where there. My sister sent me a web site that reviews workout tapes and can suggest the best workout for you so I've been looking through that. With moving and living in limbo right now I've been stressed out and for 2 days caught myself snacking on Chex mix. So I've decided Chex mix is evil and to never buy it again. I'm sticking to the three meals a day and thats going ok. I've found the only thing that makes me sick is trying to reheat chicken lol - never ever never again will I do that. But the throwing up was not bad just a mini spit up kinda thing nothing freaky or terrible. But other then that I've only thrown up twice so far. After reading so many horror stories of people being sick all the time I'm like thank God thats not me. I've gone down one complete jean size so I'm feeling good about that. And thats about all there is to report for now. So to recap.
1. Never reheat chicken it becomes another life form
2. Chex mix is evil and needs to be thrown into a vortex of doom
3. Down a jean size :D
4. Never watch that show on the Food Network called Unwrapped where they show you how Power Bars are made I thought I was gonna hurl watching it.

 

Jan. 09 2005
Still battling my sisters kitchen snack cabinet of evil but I have not been seduced by it or its web of chocolate evils. It's weird how chocolate smells the same but taste like dirt so that's a good thing lol I only hope there aren't calories attaching themselves to my hips from smelling things. Denice told me I look smaller in my stomach area today and she's not a person to just throw out compliments like that so I'm hoping it's true. I go into see my Lung Dr. on Tuesday for a follow up in the lovenox study again and to be weighed again so maybe I'll be down some more we shall see. I still have a bump on my tummy on the left side from the huge bruises from the surgery so I have to ask about that as well at first I thought it was from the shots cause those all felt hard but now I'm a wondering as its the last one still there. Other then that things are going ok considering everything else thats going on. On a odd front I have had no nerve pain to speak of since my surgery in my legs or feet so thats really cool. Well gtg for now Mac's talking to me.

 

Jan. 11 2005
Went in today for my follow up with Dr. Hart's office for the lovenox study and I'm down now 49lbs which is good but I'm like Ahhhh!!! Gimmie 50! I want a nice round number already! lol. So I'm doing fine and everything is going along well and dandy. And I don't go back now till April and then get my labs done too. Hopefully with the more I lose the less I will need a CPAP machine. Today's been a pretty good day dispite having evil cramps and fighting a ice storm and the dog wanting to be a snow puppy.
 
Jan. 16 2005
Hit 50 lbs!
Now got to start working on next goal where it will be 100lbs. I've decided my goals go 50 lbs at a time. I'm really hoping to lose a total of 100 lbs by June. I think its a workable goal. Went out yesterday looking at townhomes and fell in love with one we saw both my Mom and I loved the layout so now it's just a question of being able to afford it. I'm hoping we can cause I could see us living there. I was even imaging all my stuff set up there and where I'd hang all my art lol. I am having such a battle trying to remember to drink water all day long. Before I was always a pop girl and cherry coke was my vice. I've gotten over not drinking pop but man this water is killing me I never seem to be able to drink enough of it. And I know it's important to my weight loss and yet I'm always battling the bottle water in a war lol. Mostly I try to drink Crystal Light watered down but still I know I need regular water intake. Why can't water be more exciting? Heehee* Things are going ok although I want to move out of my sister's place here ASAP and get back to my own life and a place of my own. They have been very kind to let us stay here and all but I know it's a strain with both kids and I'm no run thru a field of daisy's to live with either. Plus it's hard with my different eating habits now it's hard to smell all the things they are cooking and go eat my healthy stuff. I'm starting to think chicken is not an easy food for me as sometimes it's fine and other times chicken can be evil even when we goes the extra steps to make it super juicy. Had a weird dream this morning I was doing sit-ups now before this woulda been like a freak nightmare kinda thing lol but now I'm more to thinking maybe now my brains trying to tell me "See Deb exercise is not all* evil it can be your friend."  Got out my stretching bands and are doing them at night when everyone's asleep here just starting out slow and I need to get some free weights to work on my arms. That's pretty much all that is going on for now. :D

 

Jan. 31 2005
Well, I know everyone at around 2 months to 3 months out seems to go through a hair loss period well the past 2 weeks I've started mine I guess. I'm a girl who's always been known for my hair so I wasn't too concerned about a little hair loss cause I just have a ton of hair. I've always shed more hair then normal people so I'm not normally upset over seeing a lot of hair in my hairbrush but man I've never shed this much before. I'm starting to feel like a Husky dog come spring and shedding my winter coat here. Granted in this past year alone I've had three surgeries and mix that with anesthesia and antibiotics that wears down on your system but damn this is a lot of hair. It has sort of freaked me out. So I'm trying to eat as much protein and extra vitamins that I can. Emily has been very supportive of me in my weight loss and it's great to have a girl friend to talk about this all with. Mac has been wonderful as well it's nice to have a friend who likes you just for who you are. He inspires me daily to be the best Debi I can be and it's nice to have a person like that in your life. So I'm probably going for another foot surgery after I talk to my regular foot doctor about it. I just want this problem solved so I can be healed before spring. I am walking my dog on the Fitness trail this spring or bust. I still haven't bought a scale yet so I'm not sure where I am in my weight loss right now but other then that my head is falling apart things are going good.

 

Feb. 18 2005
Well, the hair loss thing has started and it's depressing me. Never in my life have I lost this much hair. It's to the point I don't want to shower cause it upsets me so much and my hair is all over the house. I started taking Biotin this week and added more protein into my days I really am trying. I know your hair comes back but it's getting to that point that sucks. I feel like I'm falling apart. Last time I weighed myself I was down 63lbs and I do notice it in a lot of my pants and such. I dunno I'm just feeling kinda low about my hair cause my hair is my one thing I am vane about I just keep trying not to think about it and do all that I am supposed to do and get in all my vitamins and stuff. Water drinking is still a problem its like no matter what I do I don't drink enough during the day it seems. I'm just feeling low this week please let this phase pass quickly!
 
Feb. 20 2005
Went over to my sisters yesterday was going to weigh myself but the changed my mind on it and thought I'd wait a bit longer. I'm coming to terms with this hair loss thing and can do nothing more then to take everything I can for it and just wait it out. Next month I'll go in and cut my hair back it really upsets me but you gotta do what you gotta do. My sister also gave me two new red shirts so I'm excited about that and my current jeans are starting to get loose in the waist so things are coming along. Man is eating protein first really hard to do everyday when what I crave is bread morning noon and night. But today is tuna on toast for lunch day and tonight is taco's so I'll try to not complain and go bread free. I'm really liking the Zone protein bars I got but I'm getting bored with the Propel flavored water so I need to start looking around for something new to drink out there. But you know maybe with a new hair cut and stuff I'll and with spring coming I'll look and feel better I think it's just the end of winter blah's I got going on right now. Tomorrow's another day after all.

 

Feb. 27 2003
Feeling way better about this hair loss issue after a really great person sent me a whole medical article about the surgery and what goes on with your hair and it gave me such a piece of mind. With the bit of weight loss I've had so far the other day I dug out a few of my under wire bra's and matching panties. Yes, it sounds kinda lame but the pretty bra's and such make me feel better wearing them that I've made this bit of progress that they now fit me. It's like it's a bit of personal triumph and wearing them is like battle armour to face the day with lol. I'm the only one who knows they are there but they give me a boost of confidence and kick that I need. I feel good. My sister gave me two shirts and they both are loose and big on me its a very odd feeling loose clothing lol I think I kinda like it. Heheehehehhe!~

 

Mar. 4 2005
Lets see yesterday was my birthday and we went out for lunch at Chilies and I did ok. Although next time I think I'm getting a salad. It's always hard to remember I can no longer eat the way I used to. Foods always seem to call to me but even if I try to eat them in only smaller quantities they are just to much work to chew through but it's a learning experience. Now I look at food and think "Do I really wanna do all the work involved with trying to eat this or get a salad or soup and be able to just enjoy it without all the chewing" lol. So I'm now 31! Eeep! I know but this year is gonna be a year of big changes for me I think. My sister got a new scale yesterday I guess she didn't like the one she had so I might go over there today to see where my weight loss is at. I'm really hoping I'm at 300 but we shall see. Looked up out park district Fitness Center and it's prices and to meet with a trainer. I know I need to start working out and I actually want to exercise scary I know but true. I've taken up a new hobby of knitting but lol that's not really moving per say sure it's fun making things but I don't think it's really a sport or too endurance building. My hair is still thinning a bit but way less then before so I'm hoping it's nearing it's hair loss shedding stage. I planned on get it cut way back this month but now I'm not sure I can swing it financially. Things I've notices so far that have gotten better since my surgery.
I'm sleeping really better.
I think I will go down a pant size this month again.
I can do the stairs way better then before.
Shopping is more of a joy now cause I'm not as tired.
My smaller bra's fit.
I crossed my legs on the couch the other night and the fact that I could.
Ok! Weighed myself down 72 lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Mar. 10 2005
Had a rough couple past days I made the mistake of finding protein bars that tasted a little too good and found myself snacking on them. They are gone now and that's a mistake I won't be making again. They tasted more like candy then anything else and now I find myself craving sweet things more so back to the drawing board I go. But on a good side at least I did recognize my old patterns in time to put then to a stop as soon as they started. Three meals a day and one snack if* needed. I think the hardest thing for people who do not dump is the concept that you can only have a little when in reality you should only have none. Cause sugars and sweets just get back into your system and mess with you big time like a drunken deranged monkey on your back. Soooooooo water water water water for the next few days to clean out my system again. I seem to just learn as I go and stumble along the way at times but I just keep on moving forward. I did make it to under 300lbs and that is a first huge deal to me in the goals department I can't go and get stupid now on myself over some snacky snack shack issues of mine. I wish Easter would get here soon and go away cause shopping is a nightmare every store is packed to the gills in candy everywhere and the combined smells send me into I think I wanna throw up mode. It's weird how before surgery chocolate smells made me go Weeeeeeeee and now they make me wanna go Grrrrrrrr. Easter better get here soon and out of here faster before I hire a assassin to take out the Cadbury rabbit...
 
March 21, 2005
Went in for another overnight stay at the hospital to have my foot debreeded again and now starting whirlpool treatments. Got weighed at the hospital in my leg braces and shoes and I think my weight loss is somewhere near 80lbs or over area now. I wish I knew the exact total but with my braces on and shoes those are like 10lbs on their own so I'll just have to bite the bullet and wait for the next 2 months to pass before I can stand on a scale again. In the coming month I'm gonna buy myself 2 pairs of smaller jeans in the next size down for when I will fit in them cause it's going to be soon. This foot thing is a set back for me in limiting my activities I kinda envy people who can just walk for their exercise but I know I'll be able to someday sooner or later. Dusty gave me a new yoga mat he got with his exercise ball for his back stretches so I'm just gonna try to keep stretching and working on my arms the best I can. My biggest fear is with my limited activity I'll be left with tons of hanging skin and no clue as to how I could afford to get it fixed down the line. Yes, I know it seems vane an everything but I'm so hoping my body and skin will go back and not be a medical thing to correct. I really haven't talked to anyone about it but it worries me considering my insurance is Medicare and this would be looked at as cosmetic all I can do is keep working on myself and hope for the best. Today's Oprah looks good I saw a preview for it when I was in the hospital it's a woman with a 200lb weight loss and what she needed to have corrected after the fact. So I'm planning on watching it as a need to know basis. My sisters been looking into an online weight loss board for herself I'm not sure if she will sign up for it or not but we shall see. I went in and got my hair done and cut and when I say cut I mean CUT! Lets just say there was enough hair on the floor there I was looking for 4 legs and a tail and watching for it to move. So my hairs like shoulder length and I'm getting used to it. Granted I'm a medieval hair woman and am unhappy unless I got a mountain of hair back there and 2 people carry it behind me as I walk but lol I guess it will grow back. I think the whole hair issue with me was I wanted my friend Mac to see me with it all long and insane. But with the after surgery hair loss and stuff Teri and I decided to cut it back a lot especially so it didn't look like layers when the new hair came in. Thank God I have think hair or I'd be going really insane right about now lol. I need to really watch my carb eating cause carbs are just evil and make you crave more stupid evil carbs and that dang Cadbury Rabbit is on my hit list and his Cadbury taunting me eggs. Sure I know they won't ever taste the same and heck yeah their beyond being overly sweet to the point your teeth fall out as you walk past them but I just wish the little chocolate bastards would get out of my head. It would be wrong of me to send in a team of villains to take him out correct?
 
Mar. 24 2005
Ok my tummy is all weird this week I think my protein drink is upsetting it. I don't mean like I throw up or anything just getting a churning feeling for a while and it's not pleasant. I'm considering mixing it now with just water to see if that helps. Finally ordered my Optisource vitamins geeze I am a rocks throw from a Walgreens yet I have to order them online and pay shipping cause they only carry the ones we need online grrr so silly but I guess I can see it would not be a flying off the shelf item in every store ::sighs:: So in April I go in for my first set of bloodwork yay! lol. Last week was in the hospital overnight as my foot doc again went in to work on my heel again I'd get into it but it's annoying and slightly depressing so no walking again for a while. I want to get out and walk!!! I want the exercise! I fear this lack of activity is slowly my loss down. I'm exercising in my room for my arms and leg stretches but still walking would do so much more for me ya know. Prince seems my music choice for exercising. Oh a funny side I've lost weight in my legs I need to get refitted for my afo braces heheehh so that's kinda a cool thing. In April I'm buying myself some 22/24 jeans and seeing if I can get into them cause my current jeans are getting big on me. Went down 2 bra sizes which is cool! My sister did join her forum thing and is taking steps in her dieting and my Mom is in diet mode too I'm hoping if everyone starts a more healthy life style we can all do this together. Asked my Mom to take some pics of me and she cut off my head in the photos I'm like woman you cut off the most important part here! Ah well I'll work on weight loss photo's later.

 

Mar. 26 2005
Went out to get new jeans today what a nightmare that turned out being ok I'm gonna say it now who ever invented stretch denim needs to be shot in the head I mean it seriously it's like the most ugliest pair of ass grabber pants I've ever seen in my entire life ok. Unless your ass is smaller then say a teenage kitten your gonna look like hell in these pants no matter what. And then lets raise the bar of atrocities here and put no pockets on the ass into the equation! I'm sorry here but jeans need pockets on the ass as like a rule. Without pockets you might as well form your own company and call it "Fat Ass Pants and Co." and then add in a draw string waste here people. I just see the commercials now. "Fat Ass Pants where lowered expectations become your reality." I dunno maybe I can get Kristie Ally to become the spokes woman now that she's left her corset pimping Pier One career behind. Ok now I'm growling to myself but come on! On a cool note a lady told me today I was stunning which was sort of embarrassing but kinda cool too. I can never take a compliment well like insults sure I can handle those are easy someone being nice to me whole different ballpark lol. Mostly I see all my faults when I look at myself. I sometimes wonder what my face would look like thinner considering in my adult life I have ever been thin so I kinda have no frame of reference as to what I might look like someday. I'm mad at myself I lost this form I got from my nurse to go get blood work done before my April 6 appointment and I can't find it anywhere! I fear I lost it before we moved and it so God knows what happened to it so I gotta call and see if I can get a faxed copy of it and change my appointment around again. I'm hoping things come out good for me we shall see.
 
Apr. 4, 2005
Gotta shout if from the roof tops I'm now in a size 24 jeans and they are loose!!!
It's a odd feeling for just to get back into a size 24 was a huge deal for me. I'm really so excited!

 

Apr. 6 2005
Went in for my 6 month follow up with Dr. Wallace and I'm right on track where my weight loss should be. And all my labs came back very good he joked with me and asked if I was alive cause of my low blood pressure and my cholesterol  is so low lol. It's always been like that for me I'm always low in those. He's going to write me a script for phyical therapy so I can go work out cause of my limited actvity with my foot recovery and I'm excited as I've wanted to start doing that for a long time now. Over all things are going great and I hope to be adding walking as soon as my foot lets me. So woohoo for right now.

 

Arp 12 2005
Lane Bryant turned me down for a credit card "Insufficient amount of credit history too few accounts with satisfactory payment history"
The hell?
Soooo wait because I'm not in major credit card dept. I don't apply?
Fine I'm gonna open a "When I'm thin and you guys suck card!"
I didn't want your stinkin fat pants anyways!~

 

Apr 16 2005
I think I'm at a plateau or something granted I don't weigh myself but it feels that I am. Sighs... I know my water intake is no where near it should be and I need a better protein drink. I was hoping by at 6 months I'd be at 100lbs which I know is a high expectation but I really think it's because of my limited activity cause of this foot recovery. I'm jealous of everyone who is walking or at Curves. I'm in a size 22/24 now and it is huge progress it's just I want more. I think it's cause I remember how big and horrible I thought I looked at this size and now I'm going back into it and it's progress but at the same time in my head not. I have this eye on the prize goal of getting into a size 14/16 and I'm starting to feel will I ever get there? My friend Mac asked me to go with him to his movie premiere which is down the road a ways like a year or so but still my first thought was Ahhhhhh! I have to look better then this! I have this fear of meeting him and me not being what he expected. My weight loss is for me and myself but I still get twinges of girlie freaked out-ness even though I know it's not what he would think, that it's what I think so I assume everyone else does. I need to work on that. I swear when they are inside you making a pouch they should inject you with a lifetime of therapy to go with it. I think I'll always feel I look bad even when I get to a point I don't. And I'm not really sure how I will deal with that but I guess I'll cross that road when I get to it.
My hair and nails seem to be making a comeback which I'm hoping is a great sign. It's hard at times to realize weight loss takes time even when you have a by-pass we all seem to have this dream you go under and wake up like a pop star lol. I'm concerned that I will need some surgery when I do lose more weight to fix myself and I've no clue how I will afford it but we shall see. I'm just gonna try and focus on healing my foot so when its fine I can use it to kick my own ass into shape with. Just gotta remember this is a life battle and each day I gotta wake up and face it.

 

April 17 2005
Weeeeeeeeeeeee! Weight loss at down 86lbs!~
That's like 12 Pomeranians in sweaters! Heheheheheh*

 

Apr 22 2005
Went in yesterday for my 6th month follow up for my Lovenox study I'm a part of and I'm down 88lbs! Weeeeeeeeeee! I'm really hoping that I can make my goal of 100lbs gone by June and I think 12lbs is do-able between now and June so I'm hoping and drinking as much water as I can without my insides turning into an ocean and my pouch surfing a wave inside of me.
Plus I want one of those 100lbs Weight Loss banners for my journal here to show off my progress and I want one bad! So 12lbs if you hear me I'm kicking your ass For my banner! Cause I want one of those badd!
Next week I get fitted for my new braces and I'm excited about that and my foot in nearly all the way healed now. I sooooo want to walk I'm a little more then stir crazy I'm more like cabin fever crazy with the muppets dancing around me. So next week can't get here soon enough for me to say the least. Showed my friend Mac my weight loss page here which was kinda scary cause I don't really tell anyone what my starting weight was cause its a personal thing but he was all cool about it. I think mostly I always feel shame when it comes to my weight like I always try to hide it which if you think about it is pretty stupid on my part cause you can't hide your weight no matter how big of a tree you try to stand behind. People are always gonna notice and my friend Mac isn't the kind of person who would judge me or a person I would fear a reaction from so it was ok. He was really rather supportive it was nice. Well, its rainy and cold and my soup is ready so I'm off for now.

 

May 04 2005
Things are going along good with the weather finally getting springy here my mood is really improved. Went in for my braces fitting today and it went really well my legs have really gone down in size and I've gone down a shoe size it seems so I'm excited about that cause before with my braces they were so wide to get shoes I was so limited to gym shoes. So I'm excited I'll be able to get back into normal shoes!!! Weeeeee!~ My friend Mac's movie is coming along and he's really excited about that. I'm hoping to lose a little more weight before I go out to Texas or at least that's my plan. Haven't weighed myself this week but I'm thinking about just coasting thru till the end of the month. 
 
May 10, 2005
Things are going so so I guess. I kinda let myself have a bad week last week with poor food choices. I'm getting so close to my Century mark and I don't wanna mess it up. I want to be at -100 by June that is my goal and I know if I stick with my water intake I can get there. It kinda feels weird cause even being at almost 100lbs weight loss I've not dropped a lot of sizes or anything basically I'm going into the weight area I was about 2 years ago. And it's hard to fight those feelings of looking at pictures and remembering how terrible I felt at that size and now it's like I'm supposed to be happy about getting back into that size. But if anything I guess I can channel that into pushing myself forward and getting out of that size as soon as I can. I sort of have this tiny dream of being in a size 14/16 by Fall yeah I know it sounds kinda out there but maybe if I really stick to my guns and such I can make it. It's not a totally insane idea lol. So I got fitted for my new leg braces and I pick those up on May 18 and then take them in to see my foot Doc on May 27 and if all goes clear I can be up and walking again! This has been such a horrible battle trying not to be depressed with the foot and trying to lose weight cause I want to be up and out exercising now and being totally non weight baring on my feet. Everyday going to the hospital for 6 weeks and driving past the parks and walking trails has been eating at me. My WLS surgeon has promised me a prescription for some physical therapy for once I can walk on my foot cause I so want to exercise. My arms and legs are starting to feel Jello like and I want to working on this ASAP. I might weigh myself this afternoon to see where I'm at.
All for now.

 

May 14, 2005
I'm giving sugar free gummi bears a whirl they seem ok. If by chance I become rabid or trance like and start shooting lasers out of my eyes by whatever they use to replace "sugar" with "sugar free" use whatever means necessary to take me down!

 

May 18, 2005
Well, cool I got my new braces today and it seems in the 2 weeks since I was fitted for them my lags have gotten smaller lol. My weight loss is kinda froze right now but the my period is running late. I'm really hoping to make it to -100 by June so I'm cracking away at my water intake. My hair still in weird limbo land. I got to see Dr. Samuelson on the 27th and I'm hoping to be ok'ed to walk again! I'm really trying to cut bread out of my diet where I can, the problem is I like crunchy so I need to find new crunchy things I'm gonna start looking really at the fruit when I'm shopping to help with this and I seem to be craving pine apple a lot lately. I find drinking room tempature water goes down faster and more easy then on ice weird but true lol. And too I find I love soup and salad for lunch and both take a lot of work to eat so thats a good thing and I seem to stay fuller longer on these two items. Been checking out new areas on the forum and found all new places I never seen before and I'm having fun. I still get up everyday and look at peoples before and after pics while I get ready. I think it helps to keep me focused everyday on success stories and seeing other peoples happiness. The season finale of LOST is on tonight and I'm dying here waiting to see what happens! Man this show rocks! Mac got the ok from his movie backers in Austraila so it looks like he will be making one fantastic movie. I am so happy for him he works so hard I really want this to happen for him he's such a great writer and friend and he deserves this. Oh and I got all new bedding and redid my bedroom in velvet/satin it looks so cool and once I get my Klimt art up it will look so fab in here I cannot wait!~

 

May 19, 2005
It's been a great day I got a lot of stuff done I've been putting off and my dads gonna finally come by and hang my art for me so that will be cool. Had a cool severe thunderstorm warning in effect for a while nothing is like a great down pore. Ugh it near killed me but I got in 9 bottles of water today I'm really pushing towards losing this 12 lbs to make it a even 100lbs weight loss for me. So I'll suffer thru all the water drinking and feeling like I have the cast of LOST floating on a island inside of me till it works. I never thought I'd make it this long without drinking pop and I have 7 months and counting pop free. I was never a coffee drinker but I was always a Cherry Coke Dr Pepper girl and it feels good to not be drinking pop anymore I know it sounds weird but its true.
Picked up my new braces yesterday and they are cool I'm looking forward to trying them out soon. The only weird thing is since 2 weeks ago when I was fitted my legs have gotten smaller so she had to reheat them and curl them more in a bit but still I'm very excited about them they are very custom looking now I'll need all new shoes lol. The only thing that sucks is my 225.95 co-pay Eeeep!
I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and where I want it to go. I'm just gonna keep working on myself and moving forward to make some big changes in my future. I want my independance and freedom and like the movie "A Knights Tale" says "You gotta reach in and take it"...

 

May 20, 2005
For the heck of it I went and weighed myself tonight I'm down a total of 91lbs since Nov 12 and when I went to update my weight loss Ticker line it occurred to me I'm exactly now at 100lbs to my goal weight of 180. It's kind of a surreal moment for me like I'm half way there. Both cool and scary at the same time of wondering where I will be at this time next year and how much I will try to keep pushing forward in this journey of mine. I feel sometimes like a Samurai trying to always stay focused on the goal at all times and get my water in an learn from my mistakes and keep moving forward each day in a very Kung Fu kinda way only with better hair and nicer clothes and no tattoo's burned into the arms from a hot kettle but other then that same thing.
Hehehehehehe*.
 

June 01, 2005
So I'm nearing the 100lbs weight loss mark I'm like at 96 and I figure by next week I will be there. Today I bought myself a new outfit to celebrate in for my down 100lbs photo I'll take sometime this month. Pink sparkly shirt and capri jeans with some pink flowers embroiderd and sparkles on them. Yep I'm being brave and branching out into the world of "Glitter Girl" status. Oh and I got two sets of silver and pink earrings one set is hoops with sparkles the other set is pink pearl dangles. Both funky and fun. I'm looking for my inner Diva that I lost along the way lol. So this month new hair and cut then pics I'm hoping I look human in them. I seem to be on a Pink spree and I'm liking it!
 
June 14, 2005
Things are going along. I go to my foot doctor tomorrow to see if he ok's me to walk or not. Note to self never try out and put on self tanner 2 days before doctors appoinment . I did a ok job but sorta feel I look like a badly wood polished surface or something lol. I've nothing new to report on my weight I have 2 scales telling me two different things both with a ten pound difference so I'm like Um... not good. So I plan on sneaking and weighing myself at the doctors tomorrow so I get a straight answer. I'm hoping things go good tomorrow I wanna be able to walk. I feel this will so help with my loss being able to move again. I'm so bored out of my mind lately and I wanna exercise to boost my weight loss and work on my legs. I don't even care if I sweat! I wanna lose 50 lbs this summer and I think it's do-able at this point. Now if just my stinkin body will just let me lol. Ok 98lbs is nice but gimmie 100!!!!
Off to drink lots and lots of water!~

 

Woohooooo!!!
I finally hit the Century mark I am now half way to my goal!!!
I am so excited and very thrilled I'm come so far in such a short time. I cannot wait to see where I go from here. Ok this is starting to sound too "I'd like to thank the Academy" or something here but heehee* I'm add -100lbs!!!!
The next stage will probably be the hardest but I don't care whatever it takes I made it this far!~
 
July 10, 2005
So I went and cut off all my hair this week this is the shortest its been I'd say in 10 years lol but I'm liking it! I put a pic of it in the bottom of my profile...

 

July 14, 2005
Went in for my near 9 month check up with my bariatric doctor today and I expected him to bust out and do a cartwheel in the exam room. I've never seen the man so excited it was kinda weird. He thinks I'm doing great and right on target for where I should be and thought I was just doing fantastic. Not often do I go see a doctor and think "Oh deep breaths here sir, nurse Jenny bring me the tranquilizer gun." He wanted to know if at some point in time down the road I'm come to one of the seminars as a speaker. I was like...."Ah... Huh?" I don't think I could  do the whole my story question and answer thing. My doctor seems to think I'd be a great spokes person for people with pains or injuries cause of my history and such and great results so far. I'm like "Um maybe someday" Who knows in a way its kinda flattering to be asked I guess. And we talked of plastic surgery options down the line if I was interested in that. We shall see I'm just trying to get thru one month at a time. Oh and I got the script for the physical therapy I wanted so I'll look into finding a place tomorrow. I'm feeling good though and thats a new feeling. I'm Now at 265 and I had my best friend do some update pics of myself for my own knowledge on my visual progress so far I'm gonna ask him to shrink one so I can post it on here. I just hope no one posts me as it as my before and after pic cause I am far* from after at this point. But you can see now where I have lost 100lbs and thats a cool thing to start seeing it myself.

 

July 24, 2005
I'm doing ok not sure right now where I'm at weight wise. I'm trying to go back to school and start taking some College classes but man the work all seems in filling out paperwork and trying for financial aide it's all a bit exhausting. I'm a bit swamped right now in medical bills and that's a uneasy feeling I'm just trying to keep my head above water most days. I put a profile up at PerfectMatch.com just to test out the waters maybe. I have a lot of small things all at once I'm trying for in ways of making my life for the better. Losing weight, walking better, trying to go to school all small things in hope of making me a success for myself. My walking has greatly improved lately with the weight loss to the point it's like annoying with the cane, like the cane seems to be slowing me down. Well it's hot and my dog needs a bath so I gotta go for now.
 
July 31, 2005
I'm a lonely little petunia in a onion patch...
It's been a good and bad week this week. Ate to many carbs for one and felt icky. Then have this summer flu thing that's not enough to be a cold but just enough to make my voice go. So here I am Smurfette with a smoker voice or something going on living on sugar free cough drops and diabetic cough expectorant. And then 8 hours later my flu attacks me like a alien crawls under my skin and sets up its house of torture in my shoulder/arm socket and I go all water works. And when did my hand start shaking when I'm upset? Like where did my hand go and who let Kathryn Hepburn possess mine?  I