Amalilly
Funk, Funkin' Funk
Jun 25, 2017
As my dear fans have observed I started out with such an awesome bang and then disappeared.
Well, I'm back. I'd love to tell ya I was too busy out living a wonderful life to be bothered with the computer, but that would be one massive lie.
For the 2 years prior to surgery I needed an electric wheelchair to leave the apartment. I needed a cane and every single wall, table, ledge, door knob etc to support myself as I waddled from bed to toilet to livingroom chair to occassionally the kitchen. I'd become quite dependent on my wife and roommate. "would you fill my water bottle for me?" "Since you're in the kitchen, would you bring cheese and crackers?" etc.
So, immediately post-operatively I did more 'free' walking (hanging on to Harvey, my IV pole) than I'd done in the previous two years. Then I got home and went right back to the chair in the livingroom.
I was 'dying' to get permission to go back into the water, just to walk where the bouancy would help, I didn't feel safe walking on dry land... the arthritis pain was just too much (but how would I realllly know this if I wasn't walking, hmmmm??? FEAR)
I got the permission at about 10 days - NO straining but yes you could walk in the water... I was so excited... then the pain hit.
This was a surgical pain however not at any of the incision sites, it was deeper and lower and crippling. Nurse said "it is the adhesions (scar tissue) and that at about one month they aren't as sticky and painful as they are now". Obviously this may have been avoided if I'd actually been up and walking - which I do own a walker and could very easily have used it from day one. I was afraid to try.
Finally with medication the pain was managed and I weaned myself off the drugs... about day 20. I'mma gonna go swimmin' tomorrow!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!
NO. I ate breakfast before taking my small mountain of medications so now have to wait for there to be room in my stomach for the water and pills... I'm too full. It takes more than 2 hrs to get them down. Then it was time to work on more water and then more food and I'm too upset with the nausea to do anything... wait, blerp, threw up. (Blerp will be a blog post of its own).
Significant nausea limited my ability to do anything... for 10 days. Finally on Friday (June 23rd) day 30, I had had enough. I called the Weight Mngment office and spoke with both the nurse and dietician. Changes to my medications and go back to full liquid for a couple of days before moving forward again.
Saturday was a good day. Sunday was awesome. It still took 90 minutes for me to get my pills and food down but we went to Fitzroy Provincial Park for the afternoon (between severe thunderstorms). It was the first time either of us had been there so it was an adventure more than anything else. But out came the walker, trudged across the grass, onto the sandy beach up near the water's edge and next thing you know I'm in water with my lovely wife's encouragement and we're (freezing our assets off) walking from one end of the beach to the other in shoulder deep water.
It was the first time in roughly two weeks I'd felt capable of anything....
Then it dawned on me. I'd spent two days (June 14 and 15) working on our garden plot. Small, only 32 sq ft. but by the time I came in (due to being absolutely exhaused), I had managed to pull the weeds, work the soil, mark my squares and plant 31 of my 32 sq feet. I did this about 50% from my wheelchair and 50% standing while leaning on the frame. On the 15th alone I spend 5.5hrs in the heat and sun and it felt great. The heat wasn't bothering me, the exhilaration of being able to do the work was amazing. I couldn't have done it just a month earlier, not while I was that heavy.
The next three down days were most likely heat sickness and the multiple sclerosis rebound effect than anything surgery related. My pee was still frequent though a bit dark, still had loose stools, but food made me nauseous. Water, tea, flavored water, all made me nauseous. Know what made me feel better??? Veggie sticks (and not the raw kind you're thinking of). My wife had a bag of Veggie Sticks (straw like crisps made of potato and veggie puree). One 'serving' was 88 sticks. At that there were only 20ish carbs per serving... but the salt, the crisp, the absorption factor, I don't know, but they took the nausea away... I had 10-12 at time, two or three times a day... GUILTY feelings.
Which is worse, guilt or nausea? Nausea, definitely worse. Should I have called the W.M. office? YES, did I? NO. Why not? GUILT, not wanting to be a bother, wanting to give it a bit of time to resolve itself, SHAME, PRIDE, STUBBORNness.
Finally I'd run out of Veggie Sticks, it was Friday afternoon and I'm still feeling nauseous so I gave in and called (mostly because my wife was having conniptions). My direction was to take gravol three times a day plus add a 2nd dose of the PPI. Simple enough. Two days later, I'm wonderful.
Yeah, right!
While it was awesome to finally be able to go out with my wife and spend some quality alone time together doing something other than focussing on my surgery or her eating disorder... I've come back to the place of shame and remorse.
I don't know what I've lost so far, I haven't found (likely because I haven't made an effort to look) my bathroom scale. I haven't done any exercise. I haven't logged my food, I haven't even been testing my glucous. I don't know for sure how much protein I'm getting, I don't know how much 'water' I'm consuming. Hell, I don't even know when I last did a poo (should I start taking milk of magnesia or should I wait??? - not asking, these are my thoughts).
What did I eat today??? 2 eggs (12g), pbutter (3g), tastes of fudge (0g), wax beans (0g), apple (0g - though it was my first apple), Perfect Protein drink (30g) = 45g. Did I have my vitamins??? OH, Funk! none - have to take them two hours apart from other meds and it is too late now to take them due to my bedtime meds.
So, not enough water, not enough protein, no vitamins. I'm FUNKING at 33 days and already I'm back to my old habits. Distraction, delusion (it will be fine all on its own), I'm afraid. I can see the changes in my face (fat pad on the back of my scull is gone, fat pad on my upper back is almost gone, my medic-alert bracelet falls off without any help, needing a belt for some of my non-stretchy pants, wearing other shorts that fit for the first time in years). FEAR
I know this will not work in the long term. I must stop the distractions (watching videos or playing games on the computer). I must test and record everything. I must start cooking instead of eating tuna, eggs and babyfood. I must swim. I planned my life to be focused on these things for the next year (well 11 months now). I must learn new behaviours, I must practice new approaches, I must... a Funk it all, I just wanna go to bed and put my head in the sand, er pillow.
All I can say is tomorrow is a new day and I intend to be up, fed, pilled and home from swimming by noon. That's as far as I'm willing to commit too for now.
A
