Mar 06, 2018
Tomorrow I start my 2 week pre-op liquid diet. I have so many emotions right now. Excitement- I feel as though this is the first day of the rest of my life. After years of being "the fat girl" I am hoping to to be able to finally get to a good place mentally and health wise. Fear of failure- What if I mess this up? I am an emotional eater. What if my anxiety gets the best of me? My biggest fear is going through everything and then screwing it up. I don't have a very good track record with "will power". Dread- Gone are the days of pizza and ordering out. I know eventually I will be able to eat everything in moderation, but it goes back to fear. Fear of not being able to control myself. I may not be an addict in the typical way, alcohol and drugs, but I am definitely an addict. Food is my drug. That is what got me here, my addiction.
Now that I have everything off of my chest, my soul feels lighter. Until now, I really haven't acknowledged my feelings. I pretended everything was fine and I was happy. After all, I am married with a wonderful 4 year old little boy. He is my sun, my moon and my earth. My number one motivation. I cannot wait to be able to keep up with him.
Cheers to being one step closer...