Fear and Loathing of Type 2 Diabetes

Jul 24, 2016

The main reason I decided to have bariatric surgery is because I have Type 2 Diabetes. It's a nasty, sneaky, insidious disease that can creep up on you when you're not looking.

I certainly wasn't looking. It came as a complete surprise to me in the fall of 2000 when my nurse practitioner told me that I might have "a little diabetes." That was back when health care professionals wanted to couch the bad news in euphemisms like "a little diabetes." I went to a seminar with people like myself and learned a whole lot. Even as I sat in the room with those other people, I thought -- "I'm not really like them. I don't really have very bad diabetes. " Well, there's no such thing as "a little diabetes." You have it, or you don't. I had it.

I lived in complete denial. I told very few people about it because I was extremely embarrassed. Even though I knew there had to be a genetic component in order to get diabetes, I was ashamed. I thought if I ignored it, it couldn't really be that bad. And frankly, I didn't feel any different. Never mind that I was thirsty all the time and sleepy almost every afternoon and especially after I ate anything.

I knew it could be controlled with diet and exercise, but I was not especially fond of exercise, and my diet was all over the place -- and not very healthful. Until my mid-30s, I never had a weight problem. I had an extremely stressful job with long hours, usually during the graveyard shift of 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. I rarely went to bed before 3 a.m. When friends were getting up at 7, I was rolling over to get another three hours of sleep. Lunch was usually breakfast, and a snack was usually lunch. Dinner was catch as catch can, and never on a regular schedule. Grazing was a way of life.

Food was a way of life. My boyfriend (who also has a weight problem and Type 2  -- but well-controlled) correctly pointed out that I ate when I was sad. Ate when I was nervous or bored. Ate when I was happy. Food was my friend! And I couldn't figure out how to distance myself from that relationship.

One of the best things I've ever done was to visit a clinic for eating disorders. There I was diagnosed as having a compulsive over-eating disorder -- COE (and which is finally recognized as a valid disease, like anorexia or bulemia). There, I met a lot of people just like me. Their eating disorder -- often known in our community as Ed -- was controlling their lives and slowly killing them.

I've been going to that clinic for just over eight years, and it has been a lifesaver. It is not a place where you go to lose weight -- it's where you go to figure out why you eat too much (thus, gaining weight). You learn about the tools to say no to food, to become much more mindful about your behavior and why food has such control over your life. I have been asked, "So, you've been going there a lot. You must be cured, right?" I don't think one ever really "cures" an eating disorder, just like you can't "cure" diabetes. You can control it through mindfulness and behavioral change.

So: No surprise that the eating disorder contributed to the damn diabetes. And the damn diabetes can, apparently, be controlled -- sometimes nearly eliminated -- with bariatric surgery. The side effects of diabetes -- sight loss, kidney disease, neuropathy, sores on the legs and feet that can become infected and require amputation (I'm not kidding) -- are not going away by ignoring it.

I'm putting a lot of hope on that surgery. I want to be free of diabetes, or at least, no longer tethered to my insulin pump and no longer dragging around all kinds of medications and equipment. Am I hoping for too much? Is it all up to how hard I work, how much I lose, or how hard I pray? I'm sure it depends on the person.

And this person really wants to say goodbye to Type 2 Diabetes. And change her life.

Thoughts? Comments? Please share!

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About Me
46.1
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/16/2016
Surgery Date
Jun 08, 2016
Member Since

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