NewBeginnings18
I am 31 yrs old, live in FL but am from NY, and work in eduction. I love what I do and have great friends and family, and am incredibly blessed in so many ways. 4-5 years ago I started suffering from mild depression, and around that time I started eating more and not exercising, and it took me a very long time to find the right combination of anti-depressants to help my depression. My weight gain was slow but steady, and one day I simply looked in the mirror and didn't recognize myself. I used to love to shop and now I only do so online to avoid fitting rooms. I used to enjoy catching a glance of myself on a reflective surface while walking outside, now I studiously avoid looking, avoid mirrors and avoid getting my picture taken as much as possible. It has taken a toll on my confidence, my love life, my social life, my relationship with my family--everything. I've tried various programs/diets and had a good start each time that then petered out. I had the gastric sleeve surgery very recently--on 12/20/17. My biggest fear is how much I find myself missing food--I look longingly at people eating normally around me, I dream of food. Food has become my comfort, my anchor when my world was spinning. And unfortunately--it usually worked, at least short term. It calmed me down and got me feeling better. It was the most effective way to battle negative thoughts/feelings I have ever experienced. I fear that this is not something I can overcome--that I have made food (mostly "comfort food', aka food that isn't healthy) my savior and that is so ingrained I will not be able to change my mindset without tremendous self-discipline--something I have always struggled with in this area. As a social, group-oriented person, I hope to find inspiration and hope from others' stories on this site!