The pain is getting better
Jan 15, 2011
Well, it has been awhile since I updated my blog. There have been a lot of people that have wondered what I've been up to. Kenneth and I are still out on the road. It has been quite an adventure. We love being able to make money while traveling. When we use to drive years ago, it was different. Now with all the technical gadgets life on the road is much different. I'm able to stay connected on the road all the time to the internet via Mifi from verizon. It is really nice to go down the road and still be able to get online to communicate with people. I stay on facebook for the most part now. So, you can look me up there. I've posted some photos on there of our truck. I'll post one here.
It was one year ago just a few weeks ago that my dad left us. I'm very shocked at the time lapse. It seems like yesterday and I feel like I have been in a dream this entire year. It is a feeling of like you are just wandering around almost floating in life. I have slowly started to heal from all the pain I have endured this past year. I went from losing my parents, to losing the support system I loved so much. It has been a very difficult journey for me to overcome the pain. It is still there. I miss the support group I created from the ground up. I have no will to start another one. I devoted a lot of time and energy into something that let me down. I'm disappointed in the outcome and the people I thought were friends. It seems once you stop working for someone you are no longer important to them or your co-workers that seemed to care before. Again, a lot of pain this has caused me. I still have times I want to cry about the whole thing. The tears are less, but I'm not sure when the walls around my heart will ever go away. I just think about how I was beginning to feel like I could trust again and then that happened. I have little trust in people again and I find myself becoming less and less interactive with people. I have found myself not wanting to have friends because I'm tired of the pain they cause me. You are less likely to get hurt when you have no one there to do it. Do not get my wrong I would LOVE to have one of those BFFs, but the ones who were there are now gone. Passed away, for that I am sad. I don't mean to be a downer. I have had good times. I really enjoy being out on the road. It gives you time to really reflect on things, clear your mind. I'm with the man I love, so I cannot ask for anything better than that! I'll try to update more often. As for my weight, I'm still holding on. I cannot say it has been easy this past year with eating. I've had times of what you might call a "relapse", but I'm only human. After almost 7 years since my surgery, I'm still glad everyday that I had it done. If I had not, I would not have been able to get the life lessons I have nor care for my parents in their last days. I'm very glad that before they passed on that they knew I was happy. I have a wonderful husband who has been so kind and tender throughout this process of grief.