aw1980

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9/24/09: I have attempted so many times to loose weight, I have started and failed at so many "diets".  I have made a commitment to first myself and second my family to take better care of myself.  I want to start to document this journey so down the line I can see my progress and finally for once in my life feel proud.  Here is my story:

My name is Anita, I am a 28 year old, happily married mother of two great kids, Madison (4) and Dillon (2).  I have been over weight for ohhhhh 11years.  WOW, 11 years.  That is a very long time.  That makes me very sad.  I have been married 9year this year.  That means my husband has NEVER seem me in a swimsuit, my kids have never been swimming with me.  I am robbing them of a childhood full of fun memories.  My lowest point was this summer.  My family got invited to a local swimming pool for some Sunday relaxation.  We got everyone ready, got all their "stuff" and headed out.  My husband took the baby in and since I DONT SWIM, rather I will not put on a bathing suit, there was no one to swim with Madison.  OH, WOW what am I doing!!!  One of my co-workers was there are got in with her because her Mommy who says she would do ANYTHING for her, would not go swimming with her.  I felt like..... I am not sure I can put a name or label on just how low I felt as a mother and as a person. 

I was already in the process, I had begun my physician supervised weight checks.  But that day sealed the deal.  I have not officially told my "family", my mother and sister.  I would rather stick hot needles under my nails then have to tell them "officially".  I am so afraid they will be disappointed in me, or think I am making a rash decision.  I cannot explain is words how I feel, the utter dispare and disgust I have with myself to them, though I think they already know.  I have been best friends with my sister my whole life and somehow when we entered into adulthood, we got off path.  I want more then anything to have that relationship back, I want to be one of those sister's again, but I need to be honest with myself and be happy with myself before I can be a good person to someone else.  I know that the decisions that I have made in my life may not be the decision that other would have made, but that is the thing this is MY life.  I married a great man, flawed yes, but one who loves me to the ends of the earth and back.  I moved 1700 miles away from home, we needed a change, we needed to reconnect as a couple to depend on each other again, to be whole hearted in love again.  Have I always made great decision in my life, No. But I promise to all those who love me this will be the last time, the last time I do not love myself 100%. 

My husband, WOW, this one will make me cry.  He is....... my everything!! He is not only the love of my life, he is the father to our two beautiful children, which I will mention now, he stays home to raise.  He is so supportive, not without flaws but in my eyes perfect, which I know if you asked him if I am overweight, he would say no she is beautiful.  He is the most amazing father!! He would do anything for out to kids and I mean anything.  He is so creative and plays the sillyest games and creates stories and fictional people.  Paints nails, digs in the dirt, wipes pee pees, and still has the best temperament at the end on the day.  He is without a doubt the strongest person I think I have every come in contact with and I am blessed to say I love him more today then I loved him yesterday, and look forward to spending the rest of my life with him, raising our babies and doing all the things that we have always dreamed of, and I promise in the near future I will buy that swim suit and go on a relaxing BEACH vacation with my family.