chelbey
This might be a bit lenghtly, but here we go with my story.
I always had a weight problem since I was a kid, realizing at a much older age that I was an emotional eater way back then. If I was sad, I would eat, stress, I would eat, bored, I would eat. You get the picture, I used food for comfort. I was abused has a child, which didn't help my self esteem and did trigger some of my many problems throughout my life. Also, I was badly bullied throughout my school years because of my weight. I was always shy, awkward, I didn't make friends easily. I was and still am an introvert and it took me until my downfall in 2016 to embrace that, that is just who I am.
At the age of 18 years old I was close to 180 pounds, I'm 5 feet 2 inches, so that is a lot. I come from a small town in Quebec, Canada and moved to a bigger town for college when I was 18. At 19, I started having major anxiety and panic attacks. I had trouble going down the street without having anxiety. Also, living in a bigger town introduced countless fast food restaurants, which didn't help me at all. Since I didn't handle stress and change well, they were my go to places. It was pretty horrible looking back at it now. I met my wonderful huband when I was 22 and got pregnant with our first child. When I weighted myself at the Dr. office I was shock, I was 350 pounds. I had to go on blood pressure medicine for high blood pressure and they had a really hard time putting an epidural in me, but they did it and I had a c-section, which went pretty well. My son is 16 years old now. Life went on and I was put on Paxil for my anxiety. The one thing I wish my doctor would have done at the time is refer me to a therapist, but throughout the years, I asked her multiple times and she never did. When I turned 30 I got a big surprise, I was pregnant again, but because of my weight I didn't know until I had an ultra sound and the technician said that I was 37 weeks pregnant. It was a shock and I was scared, since I didn't get any prenatal care. A week after finding out, my water broke and I had to have a c-section again, but this time the anesthesiologist was very blunt to me and said that I could die if they put me under for surgery. Luckily, I got another anesthesiologist, and he gave me an epidural and I was able to be awake during the delivery. My miracle baby was born healthy and is 9 years old today.
Around that same year, I fell in a shower and bruised my right leg really badly. My right leg became really big and my doctor didn't know what was wrong with it, until she sent me to a dermatologist who diagnosed me with lymphadema. It started in my right leg and eventually got to my left and at the end it was in my thighs and lower stomach area. I was degrating slowly. I got treatment for it and I know it will never go away. I was extremely embarrassed by the way I looked. About 2011 I decided that I needed to do something, I got my doctor to send a form at the bariatric center in my town and I went through with orientation. I found out I was 450 pounds at that time. I went through all the different appointments, nurse practitioner, social worker, physio, pharmacist, dietician, I made it up to the point that I had to wait for the surgeons call, but I didn't go through with it back then. You would think that knowing I was 450, having lymphadema, needing a c-pap, having two kids that depended on me would have made me go through with it, but mentally, I wasn't ready. I needed to see someone to deal with my mental problems, my emotional eating, my past, my relationship with food in general. If I went through with it, I would have failed, I know I would. My head wasn't there. Also, the 1 in 200 patient that could die from this surgery scared the living crap out of me. Even though I was already at death doors. I was told to seek help and start water exercise to get me moving. Sadly, that didn't happen, I was too embarrass to even put on a bathing suit and go in a pool, I was embarrassed to even go out in public fully clothed and I had to travel by bus to see the counselor they wanted me to try and see. My anxiety was really bad at the time. I was going down faster and faster.
Fast forward to 2016, I was an hermit, I didn't leave my appartment for fear of embarrassing my family, I was getting panic attacts everywhere I went, my mobility was deteorating, I was moving less and less. My husband and I decided to get a house, thinking it would help me, motivate me to go out more. The appartment I was in was three flight of stairs up, no elevator. By moving day, I haven't been out of the appartment in forever. I had anxiety just going down the stairs, mainly with how bad my lymphadema was and I had a huge fear of falling. Your mind is really strong, it can make you feel so many things and my mind was my worse enemy. My husband and son had to help my legs up the van and the worse thing that day is that I couldn't lift my legs high enough to get into the house and up the 4 stairs, they had to help me with that too. That day I crashed, I realized that I've been depressed a long time before that day and my depression got worse and worse until I hit rock bottom. I didn't want to do anything anymore, I stopped taking care of myself, I had no motivation, and I started thinking that maybe my family would be better off without me. That was July 30, 2016.
September 17, 2016 was the day my husband called the ambulance, if I didn't go that day, I am sure I would have been dead soon after. It took a lot of paramedics to get me into an ambulance and i'm so grateful to every one of them. I had multiple infections, I couldn't get up, I was stuck. I had to stay at the hospital for two months, I had the best help. The nurses, psws were awesome. The physio and occupational therapists did everything in their power to help me. I'm not sure if this is common, but my hospital wasn't well equiped when it came to bariatric equipment. They got me a special bed, wheelchair, walker, ect. Because of the wait for the equipment, it took a month and half before we worked on getting me on my feet again. When I got there, they weighted me on the bed, it had a scale, and I was about 610 pounds. To this day I'm embarrassed to even mention that to anyone. I never thought I would get to such a high number, but I did and I needed to face that fact. I had multiple doctors and it took a few weeks to get one that would really help me. In October 2016, I was put on an Optifast diet, which consisted of 4 shakes a day, plus broth, 2 cups of vegetables a day and diet gingerale, plus lots of water. While on that, I had the chance to speak to the dietician in the hospital, she was good. I was also diagnose with hypothyroidism and put on medication for that. They also put me on water pill to help me get rid of the water I was retaining.
Since I needed help getting back on my feet, I was transfered to a rehab center. I was there for four months and I owe so much to that place. I was on the Optifast diet for about 6 months total, that doesn't include the one month before surgery, slowly relearning how to eat healthy. I basically had to quit all the junk cold turkey, it was the best thing for me. The staff at rehab got me moving, helped me get my stamina back, got me going up the stairs again and got me to get back in the van. The dietician was awesome there, she would spend a lot of time talking to me. I realized that I loved art therapy. I found new ways to cope. I did relaxation therapy also. I got a second chance at life and I was determined to succeed at it. By the time I left rehab, I had lost 280 pounds about. I did write all the correct amounts in my journal. They set me up with a social worker, who I still work with today. She is the perfect fit for me and introduced creative journaling, which I love to do.
For a few months after I left, I saw the bariatric dietician, I started eliminating the shakes and eating properly. I kept losing weight and i went through the Bariatric program, had my conference with my surgeon on November 2, 2017, pre-opt in Toronto November 7, 2017 and finally surgery December 6, 2017. I'm going for my 3 month post-opt appointment this Tuesday, March 6, 2018. I am healthier, happier, more energetic, more positive than ever. I weigh myself once a week, I was 254 last week. My surgery weight was 295 pounds. I might not be losing very fast since surgery, but I look at where I came from and I'm really happy with myself. I do what I am told, I exercise 4-5 times a week. I enjoy moving, breating, having fun and living.
I'm not sure if anyone would read all of this, but the one thing that I would like people to know and learn is to not let your fears and embarrassement stop you from getting help. I should have gotten help at a much younger age, talking to a social worker and a dietician about everything helped me tremendously. I couldn't have came through this without my husband, I'm so appreciative and grateful that he stuck with me through this. It was hard, he became I single parent basically for 6 months. Him and my kids were my biggest cheerleaders. I record everything I eat, I do protein, protein, protein, I drink my water no problem, I don't test myself, I don't care to do that. After everything I've gone through, the last thing I want to do is reintroduce bad eating habits. I don't get cravings anymore, my family can eat anything they want, it doesn't bother me. I'm the main cook in the family, so they all eat more healthy meals. I got this second chance at life, I'm not going to waste it. Thank you for reading! :)
About Me
Before & After
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