cruelirony
Down 80lbs. (Post op 4 months)
Feb 19, 2018
I thought I would feel different having lost 80lbs. I mean FFS that is a backstreet boy! But to be honest, I really don't feel like I've lost a ton of weight. The journey up and to now has been and emotional rollercoaster filled with suffering. They don't really prepare you for that. Not REALLY. I don't want to lie; there has been some small successes. I am able to walk up and down the stairs normally instead of one baby step at a time and I do have more energy and less physical pain. That being said food is not my friend.
I was released to maintenence diet at my 3 month post op visit and told that I should be able to eat anything that fit into the plan. Nuts, seeds, skins, meats ect. This is not true. I cannot successfully eat meat without pain unless it is in soup or sauce and then it is often still a challenge. That agonizing knot of pain in your chest is one of the worst feelings. I can eat nuts, seeds, skins, salads, cheeses, dairy, yogurt and of course protein shakes... but it takes a toll on you eating the same things all the time with no real variety.
I thought that I would get less vitamins at my 3 month appointment. I thought at the very least I would be swapping out the nasty tums that I had to chew 3 of a day to one pill.... WRONG!! I have to take 6 calcium citrate a day.
I take:
2 biotin /1 Vitamin C / 6 calcium citrate / 2 Vitamin D / 2 colace / 1 B Complex / 1 Prilosec / 1 Probiotic
and then once a week I take a sublingual B12
and my hair is still falling out!
I'm nervous all the time. I have panic attacks now. My doctor gave me valium for when it gets really bad.
I have no patience now. I obsess about schedules and meal planning because I am losing my hair and I don't want to forget to take my pills or eat my food since I am never hungry.
I have bathroom issues. I take in around 70 oz of water a day and I still have dry, painful stools, if I am even able to go. They have me taking 2 colace every day and I have to take a glycerian suppository if I don't have a movement every two - three days. No woman should ever had to dig in her ass to remove poop; but I will be damned if I am going to have a stranger do it.
Still with me? ( that was harsh I know)
I have to keep riminding myself why I wanted this so badly. I mean I have no one to blame but myself. Either way, there is no turning back now. The scale seems stuck some days and I constantly worry that I am not doing enough - but hell, worrying is probably part of my problem too. I'm told that even when the scale is not moving my body is working and it's still doing all the things to keep me being the incredible shrinking woman... it goes in cycles.
My skin is dry. After a lot of crappy recommendations from other patients I have found that Gold bond diabetic lotion is an instant relief. A pharmacist told me that diabetic lotions are creamier and have more healing properties because diabetics don't heal so well. I'm sitting there thinking... that would have been good to know. I also used lubriderm throught the day after handwashing and such.
I will try to write more in here soon. I might be the only person that isn't willing to blow smoke up your butt.
