delprov
Tomorrow is the Big Day
Aug 25, 2015
At 12:30 pm ET tomorrow, August 26, 2015, my surgeon, Dr. Dieter Pohl will officially give me one of the biggest gifts I've ever received!
It's not a quick fix, or an easy way out, or even a Get Out of Jail Free Card, but a tool.
How I use the tool is up to me alone and no one else, but I feel ready to accept it and use it to build a foundation for myself that will be the base of the new home that is my body.
This was no quick decision. I made the choice to go the surgery route on January 1, 2013 and now, one year, eight months, and 25 days later, I'm more versed in bariatric surgery than I ever could have expected to be.
Of course I'm ecstatic that the time has finally come and of course I'm a bundle of nerves, but I have accepted my new lifestyle and come to terms with the risk of the procedure and the mental anguish that it will be at times in order to retrain my brain to use food only as fuel.
I am so indescribably blessed to have the support system that I do. My family, best friends, friends, acquaintaces, co-workers and even complete strangers have given me nothing but kind words, support, guidance, prayers, love, light and more throughout this process and my surgeon has given me complete faith in his abilities. Even my insurance company has been 100% cooperative in this process. I realize that some people are not as lucky as I have been and I pray for those people that they will find their way through what sometimes seems like a walk through a maze, blindfolded.
Looking back on the last 602 days since I decided to have surgery, nevermind the roughly 5,500 days I've spent labeled as overweight, obese or (for the most time) morbidly obese, I've been through so much. There was a lot of self-hatred, loathing, loss, abuse, depression, anger, hopelessness, realtionships that failed (personally, professionally and romantically) and even poverty at times. I saw things I wish I could unsee. I did things that I wish I could undo, felt, heard and experienced feelings that I would never have expected or hoped to be subjected to.
But, here I am, still fighting for my life, still my sassy, shit-talking, ever-learning, ever-loving, ever-hysterical, beautiful inside and out self. Still alive. Still breathing. And still trying.
And what is it that has kept me afloat through the years of weight after weight pulling me down in a seemingly bottomless river of life?
Bonding with my brother and watching him grow from goofy child to angsty teen and now loving husband, excelling in school slowly but surely all these years, forming bonds with friends I've had since the day I was born and the ones I've met along the way and seeing them grow into good, kind, loving leaders in their communities, some of them parents now and damn good ones, graduating high school, softball championships, movies and music and all kinds of art that brought me to tears with emotion, the people I've met randomly and formed connections with, the guys I've fallen in love with, the moments where I looked up at the sky and felt so tiny in comparison to the galaxy, learning about my family and getting to know the people that I lost while I still had them, the crazy ideas that just worked and the really ghetto quick fixes to hold things together in the meantime, awards I've won, songs I've sung off-key in my car, things I tried that scared me, things I tried that nearly killed me, the passions I've found, books I've read, people I've lost touch with and then found again, watching my mother with pride and awe as she single-handedly raised two children.
My life has been beautiful and precious and exciting and overwhelming and mysterious and perfect. I would never ask for more and though the bad was sometimes unbearable, I wouldn't change those moments because they gave me compassion and strength that is undying and the realization that I CAN DO ANYTHING.
And so here I go again, diving head-first into murky waters, hoping I'll resurface quickly and swim back to shore. It will be a mix of good and bad just like the last 26 years have been, but I have time and experience on my side. And I'm worth it.
If you're reading this and you know me, thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for standing by me and gracefully letting me fall on my face and for grabbing my arm and helping me get my balance as I got back up day after day. And thank you more for the beautiful relationship you've given me, whether it was bumpy or not. I love you more than I could ever say and I hope that I will keep you in my heart, cherished forever.
If you're reading this and you don't know me, please reach out. I'd love to know you and your story. I could always use another friend, or a mentor, or someone to give advice to! If you have a question about me, or my process for getting surgery, or my diet or weight/doctor/ANYTHING, please ask. I'm very open about my body/weight/struggles/successes/surgery and I'm not afraid to share the good, bad, ugly and beautiful!!
-Giorgi