feistyemm
I am excited to be saying that I will be having surgery on April 21, 2005. My process was very rapid once I finally made a decision -- perhaps 5 days from beginning to approval and surgery date. From what I see here, I am one of the lucky ones.
I am 50 years old, married, and have a nine-year-old son. I live in New Rochelle, New York. The hard part of my decision was thinking that if anything went wrong, it would be devastating for my child. But thorough soul-searching and researching, I decided that I would have a better chance at a long, healthy life with the surgery. So the decision was made.
I am 271 lbs. and have been stuck for two years after coming down from my highest of 329. I try to be realistic about the possible results of this surgery, and though I would be very very happy to be in the 150 range, even getting below 200 would be fabulous. I have concerns when I hear of people gaining after a while. I don't want that to happen, and will do everything in my power to be and stay successful.
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April 13th, 2005
Today is stress test, meetings with surgeon, anesthesiologist and primary care doctor for clearance. So far everything was going like clockwork until yesterday afternoon, when I called the cariologist AT 4:00 PM to confirm the location of the stress test. Apparently the cardiologist's office didn't bother to call for approval until 10 minutes before -- no surprise that they had protocol to approve these tests, and approval would be decided "in a few days." So the cardiologist's office, who does not have as much invested in this and keeping the surgery date, said the stress test would be cancelled for this morning and be rescheduled. I DON'T THINK SO!
So I did my thing. I got through the impossible. I pushed every button known to man. I talked to the health insurance company, who I got to 3-way with me and the offshoot that approves procedures like this -- when she said "approval can be gotten in a few days," i basically described what I wanted her to do -- "Walk up to the supervisor to get it approved, and wait there until she approves it." I then called the cardiologist's office and said, "Do not cancel the stress test -- make sure you have all the materials there at 9:30 because I will be there. Trust me." She doubted me. No more, I guess. Because I managed to get it approved in an hour, and the stress test is on!! Powerful I am.
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April 14th
I had my stress test, surgeon conference, anesthesiology conference, nutrition conference, had another steriod injection for my back (approved by anesthesiologist as it would help during recovery). Today I met with my primary care physician for all the bloodwork and clearance. THEN I get a call at 4pm from the cardiologist's office -- the one that waited until 4:00 the day before the stress test to get it approved -- to tell me the cardiologist wants me to come in to see him tomorrow. I of course am freaking out. He was unreachable when I tried to find out what it was about, and then the office closed and I couldn't make the appointment -- would have been kind to tell me rather than let me stew all night, but why should he bother -- it is not HIS life. Grrrrrrr. I fear that it will be something small and yet it will kill the surgery. Can't even have a cigarette to calm myself down....
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April 15, 2005
5:00 am - Loooooooonnnnng night! Still have hours to go before finding out what is going on regarding the Cardiologist. My primary care doctor called at almost 10 pm to say she still did not hear from him and to hang in there. (She is a sweetheart!) I simply don't understand how people (cardio office) can be so flippant about something that means so much to someone.
11:48 pm - Loooooooonnnnnnnger day. The news was not good. The stress test showed a blockage, and on Monday I go in for an angiogram and possible angioplasty. I think I never took 50 seriously until today. I never felt like I got out of my 30's.
My connection with the cardiologist this morning was so horrendous that I can't even go into it, but suffice to say that I had a new cardiologist as of 10:30 am. I think I will live through whatever happens just to get back at this jerk!
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April 16, 2005
9:53 am - Crying all day yesterday made me sleep like a baby last night -- I needed that. Trying to be positive. It is what it is....
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April 18, 2005
2:40 am - Today is the angiogram. I am obviously not sleeping very well. I kept myself busy all weekend so as to not ruminate -- so I was busy AND ruminating. The angiogram this morning will tell me if Thursday's surgery is still on. My husband said last night, "You don't even care about your health -- just about whether or not you can have the surgery." That is not true. But it is hard not to focus on the surgery when you are so geared up.
This has all brought up the reality of being 50 -- people always guess early 30's, and turning 50 was "just a number" to me as I feel no different than when I graduated college at 22. Now it has occurred to me that 50 is indeed real and I am not immortal.
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April 19, 2005
The angiogram showed absolutely NO BLOCKAGE. What a relief. The test was pretty unpleasant, and as I threw up when I tried to stand to get dressed and leave, I thought about how I will probably be doing this again very soon...
Today I completed all the required pieces of the puzzle -- type and screen, chest x-ray, pre-registered at the hospital. Now all I have to do is shop for the first week and get myself to the hospital on Thursday morning at 6 am. I am very excited about all of this. I look around my room at all the clothing that I will not be wearing, shoes that will not fit. I think about how different so many things will be. I have done this weight loss thing all my life -- 43 of my 50 years -- and never got much lower than 200. Even at 200 life was very different. I was treated differently. I don't care what anyone says. The world changes when you are thin. You go from being an alien to being a member of the club -- not that I necessarily want to be a member of a club that didn't admit me before. My graduate thesis in counseling was on weight discrimination, and I certainly had no trouble demonstrating that it exists. A question was posed to a group of children: "Would you rather lose an arm or a leg, or would you rather be fat?" The result? Most would rather lose a limb. That tells you something about what children are taught. As a large person, I have been treated as less of a woman, the one who can go unescorted through a dangerous place. As a feminist, there is something right about that, but as a large person it is clear that I have been treated differently -- like I was less precious. I want to feel precious just for a moment.
I used to be involved in theatre and music -- I sang in clubs, did studio work. It was my dream, but I didn't end up pursuing it because in essense I was saying "Look at me" -- and I didn't WANT to say "Look at me" -- I wanted to be invisible. What a shame, because I loved singing and performing so much...
So two days and counting down. I wanted this and made it happen. I decided less than a month ago, and pushed every possible button to get it done quickly. I am sorry for the people whose profiles talk about endless waiting and denials and appeals... I think that sucks. I don't know why my approval came so easily, but it did. I am grateful. As a close friend often says, "The planets were aligned."
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April 21, 2005
This is it!
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APRIL 25, 2005
I'm back. I had my RNY on Thursday, 4/21/05 at Sound Shore Medical Center in New Rochelle, NY. I reported at 6:45 AM for an 8:00 AM surgery. I did my best to remain calm and positive, especially for my husband, who was sure I would die, and my son, who at 9 is very influenced by his father. I remember the anesthesiologist asking questions. I remember my son kissing me goodbye, I don't remember my husband doing so -- though I am sure he did. I actually do not remember anything else before waking in my room hours later. My friend Carol had arrived after I was wheeled away. I woke to see her watching me like a hawk. When I opened my eyes, she broke out in a smile. "Hi, Buddy!" I dropped off again, waking to see her sleeping in the chair near me. At one of my waking moments we see each other and I give her the "thumbs up" and immediately drop off again. I don't think I even spoke to her, and she left at 4 to pick up her daughter. By then my husband and son returned, seeming relieved at my being awake and alive. My first questions to the doctors when they arrived were: All is okay? Open or closed? Yes and closed. That made me happy.
I was uncomfortable in the surgical area, and also in my left shoulder -- that actually hurt more than the rest. I had been warned about that possibly happening. I think it was one of the main reasons I asked for pain killers. The other reason was to get some sleep! Lying on my back drove me nuts, and the drain worried me so I didn't want to lie on it. I apparently did get in a wrong position, because suddenly there was a gathering of blood on the bed and my hospital gown. The first 24 hours were the worst. Things then got progressively better. I got up and walked to the chair before 24 hours were up. That morning I had the leak test -- I had to eat 1/2 cup of blue dyed ice (my fingers and tongue are STILL blue to some degree). We then watched to see if the color of my drainage had any change that would indicate a leak. Nothing. What a relief! And the catheter was removed. From then on it was drinking water for the rest of the day, and broth, jello and crystal light the next morning (Saturday). Aside from being thirsty after the surgery, I was hungry. This was unexpected. It was not head hunger. It was REAL hunger, which I am still experiencing. I keep drinking broth and Advant Edge Carb Control, Sugar Free Jello and Crystal Light, hoping to get that feeling to go away. Yesterday I tried a can of the Stallone High Protein Pudding, which was WONDERFUL and made me feel more sated. 2g fat, 2g carb (0 sugar, 1 fiber, 440mg of potassium and 20 GRAMS OF PROTEIN in the little 5.82 oz can. What a find that was! I of course feel guilty about everything I put in my mouth. It's no wonder, having always been made to feel guilty about same since I was maybe 7 years old! At 7 I remember having a friend over for dinner, and my mother gave her cookies for dessert. Me? Nothing. I had a weight problem. I know my mother thought she was doing what would help, but I Dooooooonnnnn't think it was the best answer --I've been stuffing cookies ever since! (Well, until now...)
I was sent home on Saturday afternoon -- kind of scared. I was still in a state of fog from the anesthesia, and could not watch TV, read a book, write or read online more than a few moments, nor talk on the phone. I fell asleep and had a wonderful 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, something I did not have at the hospital both from being wakened over and over, and from my roommate having 5 people basically sleeping over and playing salsa music. For the rest of the day I drank and slept and drank and slept and drank and slept...
The next day, Sunday, I was still drowsy, still unable to focus very much. Eventually I convinced my husband to put in a movie, and I surprised myself by staying awake for it. Afterwards, late afternoon, I decided to take a walk outside to clear my head a bit. I walked around the block, which was partly up-hill. I felt wiped out by the time I was done. Carol came for a visit, bringing me a beautiful bracelet to signify the beginning of my new life of health. After chatting a while, she took me to Stop and Shop to browse -- feeling a bit woozy, I rode the riding cart. We stayed there for over 2 hours (my husband would have a heart attack if he had to be in a supermarket for more than 10 minutes. It simply does not entertain him. I don't get it..... 
. By the time we got back I was really for sleep!!!
My dreams have been WILD. The first night home I had a dream about cooking bacon and eggs and toast for 12 people. But I couldn't find the eggs, and then I couldn't find the bacon and then I couldn't find the toast and then I couldn't find the butter.... Nothing got cooked, but my son got a new winter coat (my dreams have nothing if no shopping!). A few steaks showed up at the end of the dream. Last night I dreamed that all the tires were removed from my car in the 3 minutes I had walked away. Not noticing, I drove off the cinder blocks and broke the axles. In the dream I was completely covered both for complete repair and a rental. If I were really into dream analysis, there would be much material for psychoanalysis!
...... I just spoke on the phone with the program nutritionist. What a sweetheart she is! She has given me the go-ahead for a little bit more substance. I am happy! I asked her if the people who are more hungry and eat sooner do less well. She said "Absolutely NOT!" I am relieved, and I am getting dressed and going shopping NOW...........
later..... I drove for the first time. The trip took less than an hour, and by the time I got home I felt some nerve pain in my neck -- a bit distressing. I hoped it did not have a connection with the 2-1/2 oz of TCBY I had at the mall. By the time I got home, with only a stop at GNC for the Stallone pudding supply and the little serving of TCBY, I was wiped. Rested, felt somewhat better, and then went out again with a friend to a health food store and then to the diner for a little soup. I got home a little while ago and once again am exhausted. But not as hungry. Sigh....
Tomorrow I see the surgeon for a follow up and possible removal of the drain. Not sure they will do that, as there is still considerable drainage occurring. I'd rather they leave it in than take any risk of infection or accumulation of fluid -- we'll see tomorrow.
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April 26, 2005
Today was the doctor's visit -- he DID remove the drain (oh geez, did I hate THAT), removed the stitches, said everything looked fine. My BP already went down. 124/70. I don't remember seeing those numbers since I was pregnant (does that make sense that it was the lowest when I was pregnant?) I lost about 8#. I then went to see the nutritionist, who moved me to stage 3 completely. Two weeks of pureed foods. Kept getting e-mails from people here saying it was too early for pureed food and that I should stay on liquids for two weeks or something. Bugged me. Forgive the vent: Every program does it differently, and everyone thinks THEIR program is the RIGHT way and they are the experts now. I am feeling a LOT better today, and my program is my bible for now. I spent part of the evening pureeing a bunch of things that we discussed at the nutrition meeting, so I'm prepared for a while. Still kind of tired, but things are getting more normal.
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May 26, 2005
Haven't posted for a while -- I am slightly over 1 month post-op and have lost approximately 22 lbs. I am no longer as hungry physically as I was at the beginning, but the head hunger has come on full force. Is there a brain bypass?
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September 6, 2005
I am over 4 months post-op and have lost 56 lbs -- for a total of 116 from my highest weight. When I think about it, it is not THAT slow, but it is hard not to compare to others having had surgery at the same time. I am always afraid that it will just STOP and I will never go anywhere near my goal.
I really am feeling so much better about myself. My body does not feel out of control as it did before. My blood tests have been wonderful. I finally got my period back -- not that I love it, but I am not ready to give it up either! I am losing some hair, but I have a lot of it, so it is not very noticeable as yet. I am hating my arms, but I think I may actually be able to fly soon... my thighs and abdomen are also bothersome. Can't wait to be ready for plastic surgery. I am assuming next summer.... I hope.
I am surrounding myself with support groups, staying conscious. I am so aware that this weight CAN be gained back without serious change and consciousness.
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October 20, 2005
Tomorrow will be 6 months post op. I have lost 66 lbs since the surgery, for a grand total of 124. I am now 205. It is going slowly, and I've thought "I'm not losing. But since my last post I have lost 9 lbs. I will live with that if I lose that way consistently. I had an odd compliment yesterday from someone I work with: she said in a surprised way when she found out I had the surgery, "You look GOOD. Most people look DRAWN after that surgery." Not in my experience. The people I know look pretty good!
My food habits are strange. I can't say I am being totally smart, as I am eating pistachio nuts like they are going out of style. But since I've started that I've dropped a few lbs. after being stuck. I' e also discovered Endulge Chocolate Mint Wafers and (unfortunately perhaps) found a great sale on them in volume. The good thing about these particular foods is they keep me REGULAR. Other than those two items, I am eating plain greek yogurt with banana and splenda almost every day for lunch, sometimes also having it for breakfast if I don't have a shake. I'm still eating the Stallone pudding. All of this gives me my 60g of protein each day.
I went shopping at Avenue and decided I needed new pants, as I was starting to be ridiculed by people observing my baggy pants. I tried on the 18 -- too big. The 16 -- too big. "They are making things bigger these days -- I CAN'T fit into a 14." Well, lo and behold, I certainly did -- and bought every color! My concern now is that I have no idea how to shop in regular size clothing stores. Where in the world would I begin?? Avenue and Lane Bryant have been my home bases since Lane Bryant carried "chubby sizes" for kids in the 60's. I don't think I've EVER had the opportunity to shop in normal stores.
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January 12, 2006
I am now approximately 193. So happy to be below that 200 mark. I am seeing bones I didn't know existed.
Tomorrow I am having a breast biopsy. Did I get "skinny" so I can be the thinnest one in the cemetary? Kidding. I believe I will be fine. To distract me, I was fortunate enough to have a car accident today. No one hurt. Just my poor car.
I am still happy with my decision to have this surgery. I am looking like a Sharpei!! but I will fix that hopefully in the summer. I am now researching plastic surgeons. Oneward and and thinward.
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April 7, 2012
Finally reached my goal of UNDER 150# last week. April 21, 2012 is my 7th Anniversary of my Gastric Bypass. I had some ups and downs. Early on, after losing over 100#, I gained about 40#. I refused to have that continue and did whatever I had to do to turn it around. I was stuck at around 175 for a few years, and then in the last year I've been dropping more.
I had a lower body lift and my arms done about 5-6 years ago. I had some problems with that, including MRSA, and now I'm afraid to go under the knife to rid of the rest of the skin that drives me crazy. I get tempted, and then chicken out. I'm engaged (oh -- I never wrote about the fact that my first marriage ended fairly soon after my RNY -- its a GOOD THING), and yesterday I tried on a sleeveless wedding dress -- the extra skin hung over the back of the dress and really bummed me out. I guess I should be happy with where I am, but after all the hard work I wish this flesh didn't continue to plague me.
The body image stuff does NOT go away. I think about it within 2 minutes of waking in the morning, and as I go to sleep at night. But I am 85% thrilled with my new body. That's pretty good. I wouldn't change what I did for the world.
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August 24, 2012
Since April, I
- got married: August 4, 2012
- had plastic surgery: August 7, 2012
It took me several years to get up the nerve to have any plastic surgery again because of all the complications I went through, i.e., MRSA x3, opening wounds after the lower body lift, an intussusception (intestine telescopes into itself -- rare and serious and PAINFUL -- surgery midnight on a Saturday night). After I wrote here in April, I finally decided to bite the bullet and have one of the two plastic surgeries I still needed/wanted. Due to work's time constraints, I have to do everything in the summer, so plastics was my "honeymoon," 3 days after the wedding. I had breast implants to fill the empty sacks where breasts used to be. I asked to be a full B, but for reasons I don't completely understand, the surgeon said the space required more, and he made me a full C. I can't say I'm thrilled with that, but it is what it is. My new husband doesn't appear too unhappy! I also had an upper back lift. A photo my husband took right before the surgery made me realize how much there was to remove. A LOT. My recovery has been difficult. Aside from being uncomfortable and sore, and having a nerve pain on one side of the upper back, I have been very fatigued and exhausted. It's been 2-1/2 weeks and going out for even 1/2 hour has knocked me out. I'm starting to feel a BIT more energy, but its slow going. I return to work the day after Labor Day and I pray that I will be able to function normally by then. The surgeon says there is still swelling, so I'm hoping things will be somewhat smaller than they are now. He says it will take another 4-6 weeks for everything to settle back to normal, and I have to be patient. I've never had a "normal" situation because of the bouts of MRSA and the other complications, so I have nothing to go by.
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March 7, 2016
It's been 3-1/2 years since I've been on here -- give or take a few peeks. I've been hovering around 149-155, which of course is driving me crazy even though my sizes haven't changed. I haven't much of an appetite, so it doesn't make much sense. My husband is always proud of me if I clean my plate of small portions. He comes from an Italian family who thinks he's too thin at 250. (No he's not!) They of course don't know my history and always tell me I need to eat, criticizing my plate. In 11 years you would think my friends would stop telling me to finish my food. If I don't get on the scale for a significant period of time, I imagine I've gained 20 lbs. After 11 years I STILL think of my body first thing in the morning, last thing at night. I always feel my stomach and marvel that it isn't there. I always feel the extra skin on my thighs and wish they were gone. I still can't get myself to do the thighs and butt after all this time, and awful as they are. Since my last post, when I did my upper back and breasts, the breasts were problematic and I had 4 surgeries until they were normal. I wasn't being a perfectionist -- they had to be at least in the same vicinity of each other. One near my belly button was simply not acceptable (answer to that: internal bra). Blessed with a plastic surgeon who would not stop until I was happy.
Speaking of my new husband -- I married him right before my last post: this has been an issue for me. He never saw me fat, so he doesn't know that every time he laughs at fat jokes it infuriates me. Not that I haven't told him. But he doesn't digest this information. I am just as militant about the issue as I was 185 lbs ago. His response is that that is ridiculous because he used to weigh 360 and fat jokes never bothered him. He is a wonderful man in many many respects, but THIS? Aaaaarrrrrgggggh!
I still am thrilled that I did this in spite of anemia, stomach issues -- diverticulosis, gastroenteritis, gas, etc. They all restrict my diet and I simply don't care. Food is just food. Just looking at cakes nauseates me. Who woulda thought...
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Highest Weight: 329#
Weigh-In 1 week prior to surgery: 271#
Pre-surgical screening:
Cholesterol: 228
Sugar: Borderline
Blood Pressure: 160/100, 140/90 medicated
Highest Size: 32
Pre-surgical size: 26 top, 22/24 bottom, 3X
September 6, 2005
Weight: 214
Cholesterol: 135
Sugar: fine
Blood Pressure: 130/74
Sizes: 22 top, 18/20 bottom, 1X
October 20, 2005
Weight: 205
Sizes: Bought size 14 stretch jeans at Avenue -- so shocked I bought them in every color...
January 12, 2006
Weight: 193
Sizes: Still in 14 stretch jeans. Bought a non-stretch 16 skirt.
None of my shoes fit from before.
April 7, 2012
Weight: 149 (Goal: Under 150)
Sizes: Size 8 Jeans; 10-12 tops
Health: All good re BP, Sugar, Cholesteral
Some digestive issues
February 9, 2014
Weight: 144 (Goal: Under 150)
Sizes: Size 6-8 Jeans; 10-12 tops
Health: BP a bit low at times, sugar and cholesteral fine, low vitamin D and B12. I often have digestive distress and have to be very careful of what I eat. Very small amounts, shakes best.
Just diagnosed with Osteoporosis
Photos
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- Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: Madhu Rangraj, M.D.
Sound Shore Medical Center, New Rochelle, NY
Insurer Info:
Blue Choice, HMO
