funkyphillygirl
52 weeks ago
Sep 10, 2012
Well, this is my very first blog post, even though I've been posting on boards for the past year. 52 weeks ago, at this very moment, I was in RNY surgery. It took me 9 years of thinking, researching, consulting and praying to get to that point. So many things changed over those 9 years, and I am glad that I took the time to full understand and consider what I was doing. My course changed. My goals changed. My readiness changed.I am incredibly grateful for all of that and to be at the one-year mark (officially on September 12). I have not regretted this decision for one second - not one - during this past year. I felt very ready when the day arrived. I spent a long time defining my goals for the surgery - and really, they were to improve my health. I did not have a weight loss goal and I still don't. But, I did want to improve my health for the long-term. And, it's incredible to me how much I've been able to achieve in just one short year.
As background, I am a Type 1.5 (LADA) diabetic for the past 26 years and have been insulin dependent for 25 of them.. I never quite fit into any one category, even though for more than 20 years, I was told and thought that I was a Type 2 diabetic. I also have PCOS. I gained about 100 pounds after my diagnosis at the age of 29 and, despite couting carbs, watching my diet meticulously, exercising - all good behaviors - I gained weight and could not get it off. My insulin needs kept increasing as my insulin resistance got worse. It was just an endless cycle that I could not interrupt. Nine years ago, I went for a consult on PCOS and it was suggested that I consider RNY surgery. I cried all the way home - and couldn't even allow myself to think about it for quite a long time. I just felt as it I was missing something. How could all these great behaviors result in continued weight gain.
Here's what I now know - my metabolism is/was a mess. My efforts have kept me alive and perhaps kept my weight from being significantly higher. When I went for my psychological consult before surgery, the psychologist told me that I likely would have weighed 100 more pounds if I hadn't been so careful all those years. I had honestly never thought of it that way - and those words were so affirming and so encouraging, that I was finally able to stop blaming myself and start taking advantage of the solution right in front of me - RNY gastric bypass.
I am about 75 pounds lighter now - 175 pounds. I'm not thin, and I am never going to be. But that was never my goal. I am so much better. I can run up the steps. I can run almost anywhere. I can move fast through my daily life. My blood sugars are better, but not perfect. I'm getting ready to go onto an insulin pump, which should make things even better. Some of my meds are gone and some are very significantly reduced. All my labs are better. No more sleep apnea. Not ONE episode of acid reflux - not one. I wear regular sized clothes. I'm in a doctoral program - at age 55 - a goal I've had for a long time. My diligence about my health finally feels like it is paying off.
I'm still afraid some days that the weight will come back - that I will wake up and find that none of this really happened. But, it has. And, all of the time I put into setting my goals, informing myself about what to expect, and working hard at taking direction really has made a difference. If I could offer any of you anything, it would be to get your head right about why you are doing this and get your goals OFF of pounds and clothing sizes and ON to health.
I have my one-year visit to the surgeon on Friday and I cannot wait. I am so relieved to have done this - to have survived and thrived in this past year. I am so grateful to so many - my surgeon, his assistant, my friends who have supported me with so much love and understanding. I have the most incredible husband anyone could ask for - who has stood by me through so many things - lived my frustration and any angst with me - and truly accepted and supported anything I have ever thought was in my best interest. I am lucky and I am blessed.
Good health to you all! In the end, this is what the surgery can give you if you allow it.
