Heavens2Betsy
What I'm Focusing On
Jul 05, 2016
I just want to remember this comment I posted...
Most importantly, for me, it's all about honesty. I struggle with being 100% honest and accurate with every bite that goes in my mouth every single frickin' day. Over the years of struggling with my weight, I've gotten so used to hiding what I eat, believing that it didn't matter if I eat whatever I want, and I just plain gave up on caring about my health and I lived that way for more years than I've tried to be healthy. Plus, I have the "Because I Deserve It" mindset. I reward myself with food and can justify a reward for myself for almost ANY reason any time. It's been a struggle for me almost every day. I also love pushing limits - always have and I have to be careful that I don't see my WLS as a challenge to see how much I can eat and still lose weight (what a mess). Can't afford to do that anymore!
But, I'm getting better at being honest and accurate. I'm learning to track every bite in MFP, I'm forcing myself to admit on MFP when I mess up, I say exactly what is was and why (most of the time - I'm still struggling with this). My goal is to be sure that happens 100% of the time. It's hard work, it feels embarassing sometimes. I'm seeing a counselor to learn how to deal with this and I see a psychiatrist for anti-depressant meds, too. It's working, I'm learning how to be accountable despite stress, despite the rewards I think I deserve, despite my old patterns.