Jonay
I have a date...with the Boogeyman.
Dec 15, 2014
I have a date. I finally do. I guess I cannot say finally…I have seen people here who have been waiting years and it has only been six months for me…my apologies for my rudeness (and I swear it isn’t sarcasm).
When it finally hit me that this is the thing that was going to save my life…the tool that was going to save my life, I busted my ass off to fix what needed to be fixed. After 19 years of smoking and seven attempts, I finally quit AND only gained 7 pounds in the process. I did test after test (and still have one more to go) and was a good sport about it. “I’ll do whatever I need to do to save my life.” My claustrophobic butt sat in a closed booth for 30 minutes breathing into a tube that was smashed in front of my face! I battled with depression (while quitting) and the food demons – I won, I persevered.
I am not saying this to say that my experience was horrible and that people should pitty me…NOT at all. I got myself where I am and I am doing what I need to do to get my second chance at life.
I am being honest here and promise I am not looking for someone to talk me out of the surgery. I am going through with it.
The problem I have is that I am absolutely petrified at the surgery itself. I have had surgery before: gallbladder removal and a pelvic laparoscopy (ruptured cyst). I have a good idea what to expect, both from previous experience and from all of the literature and testimonials, but that is not stopping the fear. My level of fear is beyond claustrophobia and I cannot seem to get a grip on it.
Am I excited? Yes. My life has been changing for the last six months and it will only continue to get better. I know that it is only fear and I refuse to allow it to stop me from having the surgery, but I cannot even think about the surgery itself without tearing up.
Is this normal? This fear that I have seems very irrational. I cannot help but wonder if I missed something. I even read Garth Davis’ book three times…I just do not know.
