The Boogeyman Called...And I Am Still Not Excited...Yet

Feb 08, 2015

So, there is such a thing as second chances. After the disappointing news that my original (2/3/15) surgery date had to be cancelled, I felt like I had been kicked...hard. I did all of that work and for what? Nothing. I was a smoker for some 19 years and I managed to quit. I could rant about the hurt for a while, but I have accepted it and now I have a new date, 3/31/15. This gives me time to take the treatments and repeat the EGD to make sure my stomach can handle the surgery. I am doing everything that I can to ensure a successful outcome, but I do not know if it will work or if I get 'stood up' again.

The new revelation I have had is that I am not excited. Everyone is asking, wanting updates, or if I am excited. The truth is...I am not excited. I do not want to get excited and I do not want to think of it. I can not get excited, but it is ALL that I can think about; it consumes my thoughts most every second of the day. It isn't so much the surgery that is consuming my thoughts, but it is the endoscopy that I am worried about, the outcome, not the procedure itself.

I just don't know if I can handle getting kicked again. I cannot give up. I just can't.

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