Alone

Apr 16, 2015

To say that the last few weeks have been rough is probably one of the biggest understatements that I could have made this year. I am not saying that I regret my decision for surgery, but I have to say that I think it has been one of the hardest transitions I have ever had to make in life. Just last night, I had one of my biggest meltdowns and afterwards (when I could process what I had just gone through) it kind of scared me to realize how big it was.

I saw my NUT yesterday and she did not pass me onto the next stage. I was not happy. I had plans to celebrate with my first craving since surgery (which was a very healthy turkey sandwich or at least a couple of bites of one) and I did not get to have it. I understand her reasoning behind the fail (since it was not a pass), but it still sucked. I have been doing great with protein and walking, but I have not been able to keep ahead of the water. I spent too much focus on protein instead of water and this was one of the ending results this week. Instead of getting my craving fix, I spent another couple of hours at the infusion clinic.

Again, I understand why, I just did not like it and with hormones going wishy-washy, it was just time for another hiccuping cry. I was in the middle of a hang out with family and I just could not stand to break down in front of them. They don’t understand what I am going through, so how can they help? I a surrounded by wonderful people who support my decision, but they still don’t understand and I cannot seem to say the right words for them to be able to [understand].

Thank God I got the right phone call when I did. A fell WLS pal called just to check in and I just kind of lost it. I wasn’t thrilled that I wound up (almost literally) running out of the restaurant (where I only had hot tea) crying, but I couldn’t breathe enough to even tell her what was going on. Granted, she gave me time to cry it out and pull myself together so I could at least relate what was going on, but I still felt like an ooph (sp?) trying to talk to her.

At that point, I did not feel quite so alone, but I still felt kind of freakish. Her husband (a fellow WLS friend) had the same surgery as me (on the same day, actually) and he hasn’t had any issues. She had the sleeve a couple of months ago and seemed to sail right through it. Then here I am, crying almost daily and just feeling (overall) like a failure on this journey.

I know it doesn’t last forever and that I need to push through it. I will succeed. I am not giving up, but I felt the need to share on what turned out to be quite a difficult day. Hopefully my experience can help someone else to not feel so alone.

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About Me
Grand Junction, CO
Location
35.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/31/2015
Surgery Date
Nov 05, 2014
Member Since

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