Here We Go!

Aug 22, 2010

 Hello, everyone.  
I first want to tell you a bit about myself.  I am a mother to two beautiful daughters - 5 and 12.  I am a wife to a wonderful husband, and we have been married for 14 years or something like that.  I am working on my masters degree in cellular/molecular biology, and I have degrees in biology and history.  I am also a singer/songwriter/guitarist/pianist/trombonist.
Most importantly - I am a food addict.  I never believed it was me, but WOW it is me.  I would become very emotionally involved with my food, or I would turn to food when I was emotional.  I kind of suspected that I had the food addiction thing, but I didn't realize the gravity of the situation until a couple of days post-op...
I was extremely upset because I was in such pain.  I started crying uncontrollably, and the only thing that passed through my mind was that I would love to have a hamburger.  Wait!  What??  I am only on full liquids, in pain from WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY, and I wanted a hamburger to feel better?!?  I wasn't hungry at all.  I know I wasn't, but I still craved that burger.  It was then that I knew it was a full-blown addiction.  That was also the moment that I knew I had ZERO regret over having the surgery.  I believe that I saved my own life having this surgery.  I needed this "detox" and definitely need my "rehab" to learn different coping mechanisms.  
I do not know what hole I have been trying to fill with food - not trying to be funny, but you know what I mean.  I do know that I have a very addictive personality.  I smoked two packs a day for MANY years before stopping in 1997.  I could only stop bold turkey, because each time I weaned myself of cut back, I was worse than before.  Alcohol was on its way to becoming a bad problem until I decided that I wanted to live more than drink.  Hell, I even have been biting my nails since I was born.I recently stopped biting my right hand because I started playing my guitar more frequently for paying gigs...  I guess what I am saying is that I have always had some kind of vice or destructive behavior, and that food was my latest "bff"!  
I hope that while I take each day as it comes, and I overcome yet another addiction, I just might find what it is that I have been covering.  I also hope that I can share that journey here.  Maybe someone out there is going through the same, or are having struggles that I may be able to help with - who knows?  I love to write, and I do get a little crazy with my things, but maybe this can be therapeutic for all of us.

Well, I am off to another day on the loser's bench.  I hope to see all of you there!

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