Bloggish...Ramblings of a Pre-Surg Optimist

Dec 10, 2016

Good morning to anyone who might read this.  I am feeling somewhat "Christmasy" today, thus the elfin couple and my red and green text, which may or may not be annoying to read.  I feel very thankful for the responses I received to my post this week about my fear of having weight loss surgery.  In true Kim fashion, I rejoined Weight Watchers this week for the umpteenth time, losing 6 1/2 lbs. in only two days, but, alas, here I am 2 days later, gaining it all & right back up to good 'ole 390. Why do I keep doing this to myself?  It seems to be a losing battle, but, not the losing I want to see.  I hope to muster up the bravery to look into VSG again, since I really am longing for freedom from this prison of flesh that engulfs me and hinders my every waking moment.

There....that may be easier on the eyeballs.  I am thinking it might be helpful to keep this bloggish record of my progress.  Right now it will be progress on my decision and the steps I make toward actully moving forward in the process, so, probably not the most riveting nor engrossing material to consume, I apologize in advance.  It is 3:00 a.m. as I sit, chilly here in my RV, typing by candlelight as my fiance sleeps on the couch.  The poor guy has been through such hell with me and my moods in general, but, especially surrounding my weight and this decision to possibly alter my insides and thus alter the course and direction of my life for the positive.  I have tried pushing him away so many times, but the stubborn saint just won't budge for some reason!  Part of me fears what might happen to us if/when I shed massive poundage~will the dynamic between us change?  Will things get better because I am able to DO more and be more active?  Or, is there a slight chance he might become jealous and posessive as I have seen tinges of this in him previously.  I also have had my fear of loose skin.  I am concerned my massive belly will just droop and have nowhere to go.  Is it possible it COULD bounce back with exercise?? I suppose it is a small price to pay for gaining years of life and health.  

Well, I have rambled on senselessly long enough now.  Not sure where this writing winds up when I hit the blue "Publish Now" button.....Who will actually read my drivelings?  I dunno.  But I am thankful and loving ANY and ALL support I can gather at this remarkable crossroads at which I find myself.  To whoever is reading this:  I wish you a beautiful day filled with love, joy, peace, comfort and all things MERRY and BRIGHT.Blessings to you,

Kimmy O.

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