GOAL!!!!! .... MAYBE?

Mar 03, 2017

I can’t believe where I am right now… This morning, I stepped on the scale and was 190 pounds exactly.  WHAT?!?!  That was my original goal way back when I was 362 pounds.  I have now, over 4 years out from surgery, lost 172 pounds to reach my goal of 190.  I reached 199 pounds about 2 years after surgery but started enjoying myself way too much and started gaining weight soon after that.  I got back up to 244 lbs in the next 18 months or so and this past August, I decided to hop off this stupid regain train and quit the up and down.  I’ve changed my mind and dealt with my emotional eating head-on. This has changed my “life”… at least my diet life.  I feel in control of my food choices at least 80% of the time and my binges are almost non-existent.  They rear their ugly heads every now and then but I am able to head them off before it turns into a complete binge normally.

Today I put on a pair of size 10 jeans and a medium button down shirt to head to work.  It really is blowing my mind right now.  I had a pair of “goal” jeans in my closet that were a size 12 and now I am wearing 10s.  I also have a pair of size 28 jeans that were once too tight. It’s hard right now to even remember being that size.  I don’t think I’m done though… I think I would like to lose another 10 pounds…. Maybe?  I’m really happy with this weight and my body right now but I do want to focus more on fitness and replacing body fat with muscle.  I’m going to start really lifting at the gym along with my running which may make it hard to lose those last 10 if I’m building muscle. 

I know this really doesn’t matter but if I get down to 181 lbs, that is literally half of my body weight gone from my highest… those numbers don’t matter; I know that.  Confetti will not fall from the sky if I step on the scale and have lost half my body weight.  I’m not winning any prizes and it’s not “GONE FOREVER” like people like to post when they reach a certain weight or pounds lost.  I could step on the scale the next day and be up 3 pounds… and then 3 more the day after that.  It’s a day by day thing and hitting 181 isn’t going to magically change anything.  So if I reach that weight or not, I really don’t care.  I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing.  However, I have other goals I want to reach. 

Future goals:

1. Compete in a few races in 2017 - I run about 3 times a week and can do about 3 miles without stopping.  I have done 5ks and an 8k race before but I would like to really be able to run a 10k or a 15k race this year.  My big time, long term goal is to complete a half-marathon before I’m 40.  I’ve got a little less than 5 years for this.  Slow and steady, right?? J

1. Reach a body fat percentage of 30 to 32% - I would like to get a true body fat test from the doctor but from those tests you can do at the grocery store stations through the palm of your heads, I am at about 39% body fat.  L  That makes me sad because that seems really high still after losing freaking 170 pounds!  I know it will take a lot of time to lose another 7 to 9% but I would like to start weight lifting and feel this along with my continued cardio will let me reach a better body fat percentage in the next couple of years.

1. Continue to control my food issues while being mindful and keeping my healthy goals first place in my life - My previous yo-yo dieting can really be attributed to me just burying my head in the sand and not wanting to be accountable to myself and the scale every single day.  When I am out of control, I want to just ignore my goals and eat with abandon.  During my periods of dieting, I restricted myself so much that I inevitably snapped back and started binging and couldn’t stop.  I felt like I had to eat all the “bad” food so that I could start my diet again and I wouldn’t feel deprived because I had packed in all the food I wanted before.  This mindset has caused so many failures and much weight gain for me.  I am no longer “ON” and “OFF” a diet.  No matter what I have eaten that day, I am not “cheating”.  There is no test to pass and no morality to the food I eat.  There are just things that are healthy for me and things that aren’t as healthy.  I do weigh every day no matter what I have eaten the day before.  It keeps me from hiding from the outcome of my choices.  I can eat anything I want at any time but I acknowledge that certain amounts of certain food make me gain weight.  I have my normal food I eat that make me feel great and if I want to have other things, I work them into my “diet”.

I don’t know where I will be in a month, in a year, in 5 years… who knows?  All I know is that I am happy with my weight and my body today.  I want to be happy long-term and the only way I can hope to accomplish that is to change my mindset.  I’m working on it….

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