Oh how I despise food!!!

Aug 26, 2012

Happy Monday   It is a stormy start to the work week here in "not so sunny Florida" with Isaac moving through it is suppose to be stormy all week.  I feel a storm cloud over my relationship with food as well.  You would think that with my surgery being almost 2 years old (11-29-10) I would have already developed a healthy relationship with food WRONG!!!
I LOVE to eat.  I am sure that is the #1 reason that I ballooned up to 301 pounds before I had gastric bypass, and I feel like I have written this blog post before but it is as true today as it was the last time I visited this subject.  I love food.  I love sweets, savory foods, sauces, candys, ice cream, I want it all.....and then I pay for it by spending hours in the bathroom (TMI) and by having a not so happy trip to the scale.  I can say that when I went to the doctor this past Friday I weighed in at 158 pounds!!!!!  That puts my total weight loss at 143 pounds!!!  So I am blessed and very happy with my progress but I also know that at almost 2 years out the weight is NOT going to just continue to fall off and I AM going to have to work hard to maintain.  This hard work will have to be with both my diet and my exercise....both of which I struggle with.  I feel like if I restrict my diet too much then I am doomed to fail. A friend of mine who had the surgery in August 2010 is preparing for plastic surgery, and her surgeon told her that she isn't suppose to have more that 2 grams of fat per meal...WHAT?  Is she suppose to eat air and water all day???  I don't understand how this can 1) be accurate information and 2) be reasonable.  There is more that 2 grams of fat in just about everything except air and water....and some of the flavorings that we add to our water has more that 2 grams of fat.  When she told me this and I literally saw the look of despiration on her face it hit me that I too have to start thinking about "maintenance" and how I am going to maintain my new way of living.  Honestly to this point it has been a struggle and it continues to be so.  I have given myself a new goal weight of 150.  My original goal weight was 180....I am hoping that I will be happy at 150.  My doctor thinks that is a good number and he was very pleased to see that my high blood pressure that creeped up on me during pregnancy had completely gone away.  He was not so pleased to see that my Iron was still extremely low so I am on an Iron supplement 3 times a day now.  The number on the scale isn't as important as how I feel and how healthy I am.  Currently I feel like crap which I am sure just adds to the stress.  Why?? Well because I have this amazing little guy named Masen who doesn't like to sleep through the night.  And someone has spoiled him....not sure who but I would like to beat that person LOL (me).  He loves to be held, walked, doesn't even consider sleeping in his own bed, and he has this habit of smiling at me when I am at that point of pulling my hair out.  That smile somehow makes me feel all better until I get to work and realize just how completely tired I am.  Anyway the purpose of my rambling is to say that I am on a journey to have a healthy relationship with food.  I started a new 'diet' today, so I had a hard boiled egg and some mild cheddar cheese for breakfast.  I went in to the kitchen area at work and saw english muffins, cinnamon swirl bread, cream cheese, yogurt GRRRRRRR Of course I want one of everything with extra cream cheese.  But instead I made my cup of coffee and came back to my office totally and completely ticked off LOL.  Why do I want the things that I know are only going to a) make me feel miserable and b) are not good for me?  Yes the yogurt isn't bad, but it wasn't greek yogurt so really I can do with out.....especially since I just ate my breakfast like 10 mins ago.  Am I hungry? NO, but it looks good and I know that it tastes good so I want it.  Temptation is not very nice!!!
It is hard to say to myself that my lettuce salad is so much better than that slice of pizza....when I already know that the slice of pizza is AMAZING!  So where is the balance, how do you come to a happy medium?  I think for me it is going to be- everything in moderation.  Ok so if I want a slice of pizza I can have it.  But then I KNOW that I have to eat right the rest of the week and hit the gym for some cardio.  Is the pizza still worth it?  Maybe yes and maybe no. The english muffin with extra cream cheese is so not worth it right now.  Balance.  I hate when someone tells me I can't have this or can't have that....that just makes me (being hardheaded) want it even more.  So if I am craving ice cream, why can't I go have some nonfat yogurt?  If I want pizza, who not have 1 slice of thin crust with just cheese and only eat 1/2 the crust (since bread is my enemy)?  If I want a cheeseburger (which hopefully won't happen since I am not eating beef), but why not have a turkery burger patty, or a Boca burger?  I believe it is going to be a give and take 50/50 relationship....or at least that is what I am hoping for.  

Anyway....food for thought for this Monday morning.

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About Me
FL
Location
29.0
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/29/2010
Surgery Date
Oct 01, 2010
Member Since

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