Feb 10, 2013
I want to start by saying....I really am not crazy LOL. I feel like I am always trying to change something, fix something, do something....DIFFERENT! I guess that phrase "Life, Liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness" rings very true in my life. I am always pursuing happiness to the point that I am tired. I chase it, stalk it, I search for it high and low, I go on hunting expeditions trying to find it. Why? Because I feel that it truly is out there we just have to be determined and patient enough to go get it.
Those of you who have followed my story know that I have made some major changes since I had RNY in 2010. From losing over 140 pounds to moving to a different city, to leaving an unhealthy relationship, to having another child. I am all about change LOL...not really. Change scares the heck out of me but I am so darn hard headed that I refuse to put up with the drama or misery anymore. A few years about (before I lost weight) I would put up with any and everything. I stayed in bad relationship, worked dead end jobs, allowed myself to be the doormat to anyone that needed to wipe their feet. It is amazing how losing a few pounds can give you a boost in the self-esteem department.
So what is it that I want to change now??? Well I want to change my career focus. I have said this in other posts and it is still very true today...I believe that people should be able to do what they reasonably enjoy for a living. I know that every job has its ups and downs but I believe that if an individual follows their heart and their true desire and works somewhere that they truly enjoy they will be happier (in general). Does that sound crazy? My dad loved his career, he had perfect attendance every day for over 30 years!!! I woke up this morning and thought about every single reason that I could call in sick. But then I remembered that my boss is out of town...again so I got up and came to work. It is stressful to worry about why you don't want to go to work instead of being excited or at least "ok" with getting up and going to work. Who wants to be miserable all day Monday-Friday? Not me. And don't get me wrong...I am not miserable at my current job. I enjoy what I do to a certain degree but it is not where my heart is. I don't have a passion for it. I cannot see myself in 20 years bragging about how I have been on this job for so many years like some people do when they talk about their jobs.
So what so I want to do? Well for years I have had a calling to be in the medical field. Since I graduated high school in 1998 I wanted to be a nurse. But life led me down a different path. So now...many moons later I feel like I might as well give it a try. Not necessarily a nurse but more along the lines of a medical assistant. I found a great accredited certificate program. It is 10 months long and the school is a testing center and they pay for the certification test after I graduate. Sounds great right??!! I thought so too, but classes are from 6pm-10pm Monday through Friday. Let me also mention that I work Monday through Friday from 8am-5pm and I have two wonderful boys...one who is 7 months old and one who is 9 years old.
I have been going back and forth on whether or not I am ready to make the sacrifice. It is only 10 months...piece of cake right?? But at the same time I know how much the boys can grow in 10 months. But it isn't like I am leaving the country for 10 months...I will still be there to wake them up every morning and I will still be off on weekends...minus homework time. But is it worth it? Will they resent the fact that I am gone? Will I have major regrets? I hate regrets. I totally dislike looking back and wishing I had done things differently. I try to be completely ok with every major decision I make. Looking back and wishing you could change things is not fun. I don't want the 10 months to go by and my son to not even know that I am his mother. But at the same time...I am not getting any younger. At 33 years old I feel like it is time to make a decision and go with it. All this jumping back and forth from this to that isn't going to cut it. Especially since I really want to do this.
Let me also add that my oldest son (who's school just called me...literally) has been acting out lately. He will be 10 years old in August so his behavior is completely unacceptable but as a single mom I have spoiled and sheltered him BIG TIME!!! He thinks that he can get away with murder and just cry and pout about it and everything will be fine. He is disrespectful at school, after school, when he goes to a babysitter, and he is even disrespectful with me. I give in to him way too much simply to keep the arguing and bickering to a minimum. That is completely my fault so I do take responsibility for that. I don't want to do anything that is going to make things worse.