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2 years ago I started gaining weight. I had realized that I could drink diet soda and that sweets do not cause me to dump, I wish I did because I have no problem cutting something out if it causes me immediate discomfort. I no longer can tolerate dairy and have no problem not consuming it. I think I like instant gratification. I am hoping in the new year to see a surgeon here for advice since I seem to be able to eat more than I could even 6 months ago. I would like to lose 30 lbs as that is where I am most comfortble .

I spent so much time on this site while starting this journey to a healthier life that I didn't think there would come a time where I didn't tune in daily. I suppose you want to put the "old" life behind you. The realities I think are you simply cannot do that because it is a lifestyle. I lost 150lbs and have gained back 20 that I am trying to lose. I am going to do this by going back to basics. I think the worst two things I learned I could eat and drink were chocolate and diet soda. Soda is the worst and chocolate I have been able to stop eating again but it is hard. I realize that some of our behaviours are self Sabotage! I don't even really enjoy chocolate but find myself eating it....did. I have been on heavy pain meds since before surgery for abdominal pain. I stopped them slowly over a year and this is the first time in 13 years I have had energy again. I will suffer through the pain because I like having the physical energy to go along with my mental energy. I started having problems with my hemoglobin and ferritin levels, for awhile I had blood transfusions after almost passing out in a store.  I ended up having a hysterectomy since I was done having my babies and this stopped the need so far for blood, I do however go every few months for IV iron therapy and give myself B12 shots every so often.  I am a motivational speaker although until next month my speeches have never included my weight loss surgery or journey. Only because I am known more for our little girls battle with cancer. I will feel so very complete if a time comes where I can make a living speaking. Excercise I hate it but it is necessary. I am not talking about running a marathon but even just getting out for a brisk walk three our four days a week.  I hope if you are reading this before surgery that you realize the risks to this surgery.  I consider myself to be fortunate, having to have IV therapy is no big deal, I did recommend to a friend that her friend have it. She passed away before getting out of the hospital. It made me realize how important it was that people be personally informed, listen to doctors. No two people are the same.  Hugs

Well it has been 11 weeks, I wanted to wait to post so I could post everything.  I had the surgery June 24, right away I noticed that I was free from the usual abdominal pain and experiencing surgery pain.   Not to complain.  It did hurt more then I anticipated, but I think my body was so used to pain meds that I was not getting enough, once I was out of the hospital I started taking my own pain meds (doctors orders) and within only a half an hour life was more tolerable.  The car ride home was very hard. I felt every bump. Once home I was looked after by my wonderful husband.  I could not do this on my own and would not recomend anyone doing it alone.  It is amazing what you can not do because of your muscles.  Keep in mind I had mine open.  The incision was far bigger then I expected, between my boobs to two inches below my belly button.  I took the full six weeks to really get moving, I was feeling great then tore a muscle beside the incision and that took another three weeks.  I followed the diet for about three weeks then I started eating what I felt I could tolerate, I have only dumped once and that was on tea.  I have vomitted a couple of times just from eating to fast I think.  The weight comes off so fast that sometimes I don't even have a chance to wear old clothes before they were to big.  I am now down 58 pounds I did think I would get more comments by now, but I will be patient and I hope people notice more when I am at my goal.  I don't eat anything that is higher then 3 g sugar and 12 g fat.  I don't want for anything, (ok maybe pop) but aside from that I don't feel left out, went to a birthday party yesterday and birthday cake is one of my favorites but I did fine watching everyone enjoy it.  I try not to weigh myself everyday but it is addictive.  I am starting to excersice more so that may help with the weight.  If you spend most of your day worrying about your weight and the ramifications of it, then I recommend this surgery.  It has been a life saver, and I think a marriage saver, I was so down and hard on myself that you start being down in every part of your life, I look at things much different now. 

I am happy with how everything has turned out.

Kim

Hard to believe that in only one month I will start my new life, I am very scared with lots of questions coming up in my mind, no feelings of am I doing the right thing, because I know that I don't want to be in pain any more I am 100% sure that this is going to improve my life and when I am no longer in pain I can be a better mom and better wife.  If having this surgery  would only result in weight loss, and my pain would still be there I would not do it.  I can not remember when I was not in pain.  My daughter was four months old when my pain started, I remember wanting to be a mom, and how great a mom I was in the beginning until the pain started, I have missed so much of her life, she is a beautiful little girl who has been so strong in her sisters battle with cancer and I am sooooooooooooooo proud of her.  I hope when she is older she only remembers me pain free and a good mom, not the mom that can't do anything because I am to tired from the medications, or in to much pain.  One month.  They all take very good care of me when I am not feeling well so after the intial pain etc is over after the surgery I can start taking care of them.

I love my family.

When I first found out that I would have to wait until June for my surgery I was more then a little bummed, but now I have a terrible chest cold and it is playing havoc with my asthma for the first time in years I am on inhalers and prednisone for it,  The doctor assured me that it will not affect my surgery (the prednisone) because it is only five days, but if I dont' get it under control then that will, my plan is to have my respiratory doctor give me a lettter of all clear before I go down for my preadmit tests, just incase they get scared.  Go figure everytime something in my life is delayed and I get bumbed there is a reason behind it.  I am allready nervous about the surgery, any time I read any complications I get scared, I read that book by Carnie wilson and alot of what she says is how I feel.  As well she said that the risks of this surgery are not much higher then having your gallbladder out.  I am having mine  open and I know that adds some risk, but it will be worth it to get a good look inside I have had so much abdominal pain over the past six years the doc promised to take a good look around. Well tonight I watched a program about anorexia and I realized we are not that different, sure I have trouble stopping the eating and they have trouble eating.  They feel guilt about eating and so do most of us. They want to be "Normal" me too.  I can not wait to feel good, no stomach aches.and a healthy weight.and feeling good like most people, have the energy to play with my kids. especially my two beautiful girls they mean the world to me.  To see them grow up into moms them selves, to be able to support my little girl and her battle with cancer.  To overcome this monster in our lives for good.  Tonight she asked me if there was really monsters under her bed. NO monsters under her bed, but in her little brain there is a monster a monster that I know someone out ther knows how to cure, but because of the mighty buck it will many years before it comes to light.  I pray that by the time my son is old enough to know what cancer is he won't be a baby himself like his sisters.  Ok off my soap box.

Kim

Well finally I am approved, now I must wait until Barix calls with a date, I am praying it will be within the next four weeks, but only time will tell. We are going on a Make A Wish Trip for our three year old, so I want to be recooperated by the first week of June.  I have lost 3 pounds so that is good news.

Until later

kim

Well I decided to start trying to lose some weight before surgery, I am hoping that perhaps I can lose some of the fat on my liver prior to surgery, Dr Poplawski did not tell me to lose any weight, but I want to.  I am going to spend the next couple of days on liquids my stomache has been bothering me and I would like to see if not having solids will ease the pain, I am still waiting to hear from OHIP, my doctor should be faxing my application back tomorrow with the additional information that they wanted, I am going to drive them crazy until it is faxed, it has been a little silly dealing with them, it just has not been very professional.

Well bye for now. My current weight is 289.9lbs, I bought a new scale so I can keep better track

Kim

Well I reapplied to ohip for out of country approval, this time I went through my family doctor, he was happy to help.  I waited two weeks and called ohip to see where I was in the process.  She told me that they had sent my application back to my doctor for more information.  When I contacted the doctors office I was told it would be easier for me to make an appointment and come in, so I did only to find out that they could not find the fax from the goverment. Of course this is on friday, so I wait until Monday, the lady at OHIP was very nice and re sent it, again my doctors office could not find it.  finally on the third try they recieved it.  She promised that she would leave it for my doctor on his desk.  So I call today to see what they wanted and to make sure that it gets faxed back.  Well my doctor is out of the office now until the 18th.  all they wanted was the exact name of the surgery, so she figured the other doctor in the office would sign it, nope! Errrrrrrr it is not my fault that the fax got lost not once but twice.  So now it will be another five days before it even gets faxed back.  I tell you this is a pain in the $%# !

Wow it has been a long time.  I finally did get aproval for out of country, but then found out that I was expecting.  This was a huge surprise as I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it hurt comming in as I worked so hard at getting aproved, I now have a little boy to add to our family.  He was born early because of my health issues related to obesity.  He had a rough beginning and I have to admit sitting there watching him in the critical care unit was hard, I felt that it was all my fault that he was born early.  He is great now, and I am in the process of reaplying, I hope it does not take as long as before. My girls are great both doing well, my three year old still fighting cancer, but does it with such grace, she is so brave.  I look forward to stopping in daily again, everyone looks so good.  

Kim

Well here I sit, three months and two days since I applied to the government for out of country care.  Each day I get a bit more depressed,  I can't help but wonder why everything that has to do with me is always hard, most here within weeks, not me it months.  Most have healthy children not me, I have to watch my poor baby fight this horrible disease.  I am not a whiner, but to be honest with you, I need to whine for a bit.  I just want something to go smoothly, I want to call the lady in the government that deals with this, but she is so unpleasant it is just more stressfull then waiting.  I have called my doctor and they have not called back.   

I have done a lot of soul searching, trying to pin point when I eat, when am I the worst,  I can see so clearly that I am an emotional eater, since I am an emotional person I eat alot.  It has been so long since I have been excited about anything.  To see the light at the end of the tunnel. To know that somewhere inside of me is this person with lots of energy, someone who is not always in pain, and always tired from all the drugs that are pumped into my body for pain.  I am excited to meet this new person.  I look around at other moms who are healthy and I see the enjoyment that they and thier children have from the smallest thing, like tickles, and running.  Oh I can't wait.  

I am nervous, I have to find something to do with my time and my emotions when I am on the other side.  I have started writing. I wrote a book about grief when my husband passed away, now I think I will work on one about this journey.  Only time will tell.

I am going to start following the SECRET!  so from here on in, Positive thoughts.  I will find out that I am aproved on Tuesday!

Well that is all for now.

Kim