Clarissa A.

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I actually don't recognize myself in the picture.

Who is that girl?

 

So here I am 2 yrs. and 5 months out and I am in shock every time that I look at a picture and I truly can’t find myself. LOL, I know it sounds crazy but I really don’t know who I am in the crowd. I keep looking for my old face, my real face, the one that I hated in pics for many many years!

Then I come back to this website and Holy Moly!!!!! Was that me? Did I really lose all that weight? How did that girl function every day? No wonder she was so complacent and docile! She felt horrible about herself so she let them have her way so they would like her.

One of these I will start to recognize and be proud of the new me

 

I cant believe it has already been 2 years!!!! I am down to 160ish, and I feel and look way too skinny. Imagine that I think that I look way too skinny lol

I found out that my family was complaining to my mom saying that I am disappearing - It sucks how nothing is ever good enough. When I was close to 300 lbs they asked me everyday when I was going on a diet and now - they say i am disappearing.... whatever

I am planning to start my protein shakes again tomorrow, i have been eating ok but I am starting to gain weight. I was 155 3 weeks ago!!! I feel ok at 160 but I dont want to gain anymore weight. 

And I definitely will be spending more time on here because it was very helpful in the beginning and I need to get back to my roots. 

TTFN xoxo

So I used to be a regular on here, I would get to work early to check in with everyone and spend my breaks and lunch on this site. Until my gallbladder removal on August 22nd, I am still at home due to complications and now I am severly depressed and have completely fallen off track. I NEED to eat better and start my ZUMBA again, WHY?!?!?!? is it so hard for me to get started. I KNOW that it makes me feel better and I LOVE doing it but I just cant get myself started. Please pray for me...... I really NEED to push past this depression and start taking care of myself.

I am so close to my goal weight and I look in the mirror and want more. Maybe I should be 160 and not 180 but then I fear that it will be a vicious cycle and 160 will become 140 and 140 will become 120.  
So my point is, Will I EVER be satisfied with my weight???????

Go me, Go me, Go me!!!!! Finally at 198.8 at 6 months out. I am so grateful for my surgery, it has not been easy and I teetered between 202 and 200 for like 26 days but I am here!!!

I cried and laughed like a mad woman this morning LOL

So my fiance and I have been fighting alot lately. We truely have alot of stressors! We have 2 children, he lost his job not too long ago (thnak god he is working again), my mom has been very ill, his mother - who lives with us- fell and hurt herself. So needless to say , alot of yelling has ensued and unlike a year ago - I yell back. I used to stay quiet and hold everything in.

Well, lately I have been giving it back. So yesterday, he walks over to me and shows me a picture from when I was 280lbs and proceeds to tell me that he misses that girl.

WTF!?!?!?!?!? is that supposed to mean. I am still that girl but no longer willing to take yelling and insults without giving it back.

Sometimes I think that I might not be in love with him but I can not bear the thought of being without him. I dont know what to think. I went to see that counselor and I was not happy. She is too young for my liking - I want someone with more experience.

Thanks for letting me vent

My Aunt came to visit my mom from Florida last night, so this morning I stopped by to see her on my way to work.

I walked in the door and she did a double take LOL, she was shocked. A few minutes later she said "Oh God, I can't look at you in the face! It is so crazy how much different you look. You're face is soo thin"

I am not in Onederland yet, I dont think, but this is definitely an awesome NON Scale Victory!!!!

This is the Aunt that everyone dreads seeing because she will tell you like it is and lets face it - nobody in my family likes to hear the truth LOL - surprisingly she is one of my favorite Aunts.

I was so close and now I am up 3lbs!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am better now. But geez is it too much to ask for to get to onederland before my 6 monthaversary??? (August 8)
I am obviously and painfully not going to be at goal by my birthday (August 14) but I can live with this part

I hate the fact that I let this $20, metal piece of sh!t dictate my mood for the rest of the day and sometimes the week!

I am almost 6 months out. I was hoping to be at wonderland by now but my body has decided differently. I have had many stalls and I hit 200 last week but keep teethering between 200 and 202. I was hoping to hit my goal by August 14 which i my birthday but I dont see that happening.
I can't complain though because I have lost 78lbs and that aint bad

In High School I was 198 and damn I looked good! But then again I was young and hadn't had 2 kids lol
I am definitely feeling fat lately so I am really going to monitor my eats more closely

My mother was very ill yesterday and ended up vomiting massive amounts of blood.
As I raced to her house, all I wanted to do was stop at the McD's drive thru and load up.
While at the hospital, I ate my nails and craved everything under the sun.
I walked to Au Bon Pain like 6 times and each time I walked around and rationalized why I could NOT eat any of those fabulous pastries.
I was good, after being there for 6 hours, I got a spinach and cheese wheat croissant. I only ate half and was satisfied.
My mom is very ill, bleeding internally and in the OR as I write this, I WANT A DAMN DONUT SOOOOOO BAD!!!!!! BUT I won't, not because I can't but because I DO NOT WANT TOO. I have come too far to turn back now.
Please keep me and my mom in your prayers.
Lord knows I have been praying for strength to overcome my demons and strength to face what ever comes with my moms health.