MelodyMay
My Story.
Well, I am yet another person on this spinning patch of dirt who wasn't taught what food was really for and how to respect it as a child. I was never taught portion control. I was taught that we were poor and it meant you eat everything someone puts in front of you. I was taught that with 3 siblings that whatever dad didn't eat we had to share. I was never told to stop drinking soda or to exercise. 
I was one of 6 people living in a small rambler and at one point, each one of us was over 200lbs. I was taught food was a treat and again, since we were poor, in lieu of presents, we'd get sweets. Can't afford to buy you that Cabbage Patch kid but I can make you homemade cookies. Can't afford you buy you new clothes, but I can make you a Jello cake.
It was a reward when we were good and an escape when life got rough. Which in my family, it did quite often. Sorry about the fight you heard and/or saw, lets get Jack in the Box!
I also suffered from an extremely low self esteem when I was younger. Classic lost middle child syndrome, so I find comfort in food. Sweets to be specific. I was often ignored. Never checked in on. No one cared what I did. So, I watched tv and ate candy bars. Or ice cream. Or would drink a 2 liter of soda in one sitting. Or cake. Or cookies. I wasn't picky. 
So fast forward 20 years. I am suddenly in my mid to late twenties and in some weird twist of fate, am in a loving and committed relationship. Something I never thought would ever happen. And now I am looking forward to the future. Being a wife and having a few kids. Only problem was I was too big to get pregnant. I was topping out at 370 lbs at the time and even though we didn't use protection, I couldn't get pregnant. 
So I decided, I have insurance through my job, it's time for the lap band. I got really excited about it but kept putting off making the Doctors appointments. Kept saying, this is my last weekend to eat what I want because I am calling the Doctor on Monday. Time went on and then I said, I'll start the process in January. Start my year off right...and my insurance changed New Years Day...no longer covered...world shattered.
Years pass and I have insurance, then don't, then have it again, then don't...this whole time the surgery isn't covered at all. I have given up on my dream of surgery and figured I'd be fat forever. My relationship ends. I start to not care. I give up.
Fast forward 2 years later. Now I am in my early 30's and find myself in the position again where I am dreaming of a wedding and children. I found him. The man I am going to spend the rest of my life with. Oh crap, my life matters to someone again. And now I want to be here for as long as possible. What was I going to do? He is happy with me the way that I am and I truly love him for it but I don't want to be like this anymore. We both deserve better.
Thank god that after our 1st year together I got a new job. And this ones insurance covers both the Lap Band and the Gastric Bypass...you mean I went from no options to two? Oh, lucky day! I can actually start to imagine a skinnier version of me and I feel like I am walking on sunshine. My life can actually start.
This time I am not letting the opportunity pass through my fingers. On May 22nd 2015, I had a consultation with Dr. Houseworth. I decide the Gastric Bypass is the best option for me. I have over 200lb to lose at this point. Go big or go home, right? the Doctor was really nice and informative. I don't have nerves about the surgery so much as the recovery and all of my new life long restrictions.
The more I tell my boyfriend about the surgery, the more I realize how real this really is. No more candy. No more ice cream. I am going to have some cut me open and change my insides around. I am seriously going to do this. No more carbs, no more sugar, no more soda! My precious chocolate and ice cream...what am I going to do without you..
I realized pretty quickly that I can't focus on all the things I won't be able to eat or drink but to think about all the things I am going to be able to do that I have never been able to do before like going into any store to buy clothes..like not worrying about car seats..like being able to go to an amusement park and actually go on the rides...like playing with my step kids in the park without being winded or having people look at me...like being able to Cosplay because now the outfits will actually fit!..like going for a hike..like being comfortable swimming in front of strangers..like wearing a belt..I only want the simple things out of life. I want to be able to sit in a chair and not worry about the weight capacity and by how much I exceed it by..
I just want to live a normal life and hopefully I have taken the first steps to get me there. I am meeting with a Nutritionist once a month. I have completed my PT and Abdominal Scan and EKG..only a few months and a few more Doctor appts to go and then I am requesting a surgery date..I can't believe this is my life now..I am so excited. 
HW: 394
CW: 288
GW: 175
