Darla S.
Ashamed
Aug 31, 2012
I can't believe it's been 10+ months since I last posted anything here. I come on OH at least 3-4 times a week to check out the MN forum, but that's gotten to be a slow, sorry place as well - at least compared to the vigorous activity that USED to be there every single day!Anyway, I've found that all the stresses in my life don't get better just by virtue of my waiting for things to get better. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I probably need to DO something about it all. I'm 50, not getting any younger, but not willing to live the rest of my life the way it has been for quite a few years now - and that is, unhappy. I should clarify - my marriage is unhappy. I'm not abused, but I'm just losing my ability to tolerate all the issues that are so deeply imbedded in my husband. I fear reaching the end of my life, looking back and thinking 'Well, THAT sucked" even more than I fear the "D" word.
So, I have all but made up my mind that I will be taking that route in the next 6-12 months. Not going to rush it, terrified for what it will do to my kids, but they're teens - hell, my daughter will be 20 soon. SURELY they know things aren't peachy with their parent's marriage. We don't fight a lot, but when we do have arguements, my spouse tends to flip out and SCREAM. There is no middle ground when it comes to conflict. He either denies it, or RAGES. Just one of the things I can no longer tolerate.
What amazes me, as far as WLS is concerned, is that somehow, I'm still maintaining. My jeans still fit snugger some days and looser others, but I have not left the 10 pound range I've been in for close to 4 years. That's pretty cool.
So, there you have it, another marriage bites the dust. Or will, anyway. Thing is, the reasons I can't stay married have nothing to do with my WLS. They were all firmly entrenched in our relationship well before I ever considered WLS. IF my weight loss has contributed in any way, it has given me the self-confidence to believe that I won't necessarily have to spend the rest of my life alone. I get enough attention from men now that, if and when I ever feel ready to explore a new relationship, I just might be able to find someone. IF. Right now, solitude sounds pretty damned appealing. Well, as much as I can have solitude with my kids and pets.
For any of you reading this that know me personally, I don't want this shared with anyone, least of all my husband. I'm not there yet.
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About Me
Maple Grove, MN
Location
26.5
BMI
Surgery
04/27/2007
Surgery Date
Jan 12, 2007
Member Since
