I'm having difficulty, feeling like a fraud.

Jan 16, 2012

Yesterday, it was such a stressful day at work,  I was involved in legal hearings all day, that didn't go as i had planned, and they ran late and i had to do wayyyyyyyyyyy too much thinking. Seems i used up all my brain power on that, rather than sticking to the program.

I thought i started off well, i did 25 minutes on the elliptical, it had been too cold over the weekend to go out and run, and i was out of town.

I ate a small bran muffin before the workout (i had made them the day before, a bit higher protein, because i substituted greek yogurt for half the milk)

Once i got to work, an egg, scrambled in the microwave, and a bran muffin (bit bigger than the one earlier, but from the same recipe)

Snack i had a bit late ( i usually have break at 10, but the morning hearing went long, so i didnt get it till about 1045). I had planned on half a banana and a piece of low fat cheese, but ended up with the whole banana, and the cheese.

Lunch was 2 oz of salmon that i had mixed with mayo, on rice crackers. I was eating at my desk, i was stressed, and i felt ravenous. There are 7 crackers in a serving, and i didnt count how many i ate. I think i ate about 9 of them.  I wasnt paying enough attention to figure out if i was really hungry or just head hungry.

The afternoon hearing started late, and went long. At the latter part of the hearing (about 315)  i was starting to lose focus, i started feeling nauseous and i was afraid of getting hypoglycemic or something. There were muffins in the meeting room, so i ate about 3/4 of the muffin. Felt like crap (not physically, emotionally). I had a piece of cheese right after the hearing.

I got home (finally) about 430, i knew i had to be in town by 5pm, but wanted to prepare something to eat for later (i'd have a break about 6), so i cooked up some meatballs (and enough for tomorrow), and put them in a container. I also made a piece of whole grain toast with peanut butter for snack.

My husband was stressing about his goddam phone, and "needed" to use my phone to call the support people to figure it out. At 450, i'm telling him that i need to be in town in 10 minutes, and i need my phone. He gets stressed at the slightest thing, so of course that tossed him over the edge, and now he's grumbling at me.

At the break, (between hand bell practice and choir practice) the other girls decided to go to Timmies, because they hadn't prepared anything. I, being the "joiner" that i am, ate my meatballs on the way to Timmies (and also had to drop off my car at the shop) and had a tea biscuit with cheese with the girls. And a decaf.

Once at choir practice, I ate the piece of toast at the break. Had a half a glass of wine after choir. Oh,and i forgot, a handful of chips once i got home, because they were there.

This raises so many issues for me.
1. Carb addiction
2. Stress eating
3. "joining in" behaviour
4. not being able to stick to my plan
5. feeling like i'm not being honest with myself, or my supports


I'd appreciate feedback.

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