My Surgiversary

Feb 21, 2012

On March 2, 2012, it will have been one year since my surgery. I was referred almost 2 years ago, at the end of March 2010. It doesn't seem like that long. It seems like just yesterday I was successful in obtaining a referral from a colleague of my family doctor. My own family doctor would not refer me, even tho I had asked numerous times. Since that time, I've been reassigned to another doctor within the same practice.

I read about people's anxieties now, about being declined for surgery, about being the "only one WLS won't work for", the anxieties over how you're going to survive optifast, or how you're going to endure the dietary restrictions post surgery. I had all of those. I still have the "this surgery won't be successful for me in the long term" anxiety. I still have the "I'm going to regain all the weight lost and more" anxiety. I think we need to keep those anxieties, to keep us on the path to health.

I do not regret this surgery. It has given me my life back. It has given me a sense of pride and accomplishment. I have learned so much from those who have gone before me.

I've learned that weight loss is first about what goes on inside my head, second about what i put in my mouth. Your brain can be your biggest enemy, or your biggest ally. You choose which one its going to be. I've also learned that exercise is the only true way to get away, and stay away from obesity. Without regular exercise, you'll slowly (or not so slowly) return to having the same difficulties you did before.

I have been thinking, for some time, about what i'd put in this blog post. Other people have been so eloquent about the emotional journey they've been on, when they make their surgiversary posting. Some of those blogs have near brought me to tears. Now that its my turn, I'm not sure what to say. I've met so many incredible people. So many people with the same history, the same struggles, the same issues, that its made us close in ways i couldn't have imagined. There are so many people (and a few, in particular) who I call my friends, who I know I can count on for supportive words, or a virtual slap upside the head when i need it.

My daughters made an interesting comment the other day. Rachel said that, when she looks at me, she sees her mom, not necessarily what size i happen to be. But the two of them were looking at older pictures on facebook a little while ago, and were amazed at the change. I, too, am amazed at how this surgery has changed me. Physically, mostly, but emotionally too.

This blog post is being written after finding out about the death of an OH member. Someone who I came to know in real life, as we happened to work in the same place. She was a wonderful, supportive, beautiful woman. I mourn for her. I am so sad for her son, her partner and all her family members. Penny died of a necrotic bowel. I don't know what symptoms she was having prior to her death, I don't know if she had been following all the rules, I don't know anything, really. What I do know is that her death was tragic, and I wish that things had been different for her. I'm going to learn from this, I'm going to educate myself, and those around me. I need to learn from her, we all do. We all need to be advocates for ourselves, and for each other.

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