the ugly monster rears its head again.

Apr 03, 2012

As you may know, if you're a regular follower of my blog, prior to my surgery, I'd been on antidepressants for a while. Last summer, I talked to my GP about stopping the medication, and did so under her supervision. She cautioned me that I might need to go back on them over the winter, but I appeared to have made it through without needing to.

This past few weeks, tho, my mood has been spiralling the wrong way. Even with that bout of sunny weather, I was just getting sadder and sadder. Sleeping poorly. Irritable. Anxious. There were a couple of times when I had too much to drink, and, although it was fun at the time, the resulting depressed mood and anxiety were almost unbearable, for about a week after.

I've been avoiding social situations. I purposely go the other way when I see someone I know, at the mall or whatever, so I don't have to take that energy to talk to them. A friend of mine is moving to BC soon. He left a voice mail for me, sent me an email, and i haven't returned either, just because I don't want to dig in to those emotions and deal with that. The other night, hubby and I were out at a friends, but I just couldn't do it any more. I faked some nausea and left the party.

I've been doing what I need to, just to get by, at work. My heart isn't in it. My GP offered to put me off work for a bit, but I don't know if that's the right solution or not. She said I didnt have to make up my mind about that today, just to let her know if I do or not.

My kids were home this past weekend (they live and go to school in Toronto). It was so nice having them around, but now that they're gone, i just miss them so badly.

I've got anxiety about finances, although hubby and I are both working, my budgeting skills are crap, and I feel like we're broke all the time.

So, my GP (who's a wonderful, caring woman, i just love her) has prescribed me an antidepressant. I haven't yet taken that first dose. But I will. I want to feel better. She's referred me for counselling as well.

I don't really want to tell my husband about this, but I probably should. I need to be more open with him, but I hate "exposing my weaknesses".

So, that's where I am today.


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About Me
Penetanguishene, XX
Location
27.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/02/2011
Surgery Date
Jul 16, 2010
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