245 Pounds

Jan 07, 2012

That's how much I weighed at the beginning of this week.  It's also a measley 4 pounds less than I weighed a year and a half ago, when I first started Weight Watchers.

Not that WW was a bad plan.  On the contrary, I lost a good 50 pounds on that plan when I stuck to it.  And then life happened, I had problems at work and with my family, and I fell off the wagon.  The problem is that I didn't get back on the wagon for about eight months.  By then I had regained all but four pounds of what I had worked so hard to lose, and here I am.

I'm scared, because I am always scared of surgery.  I hate the idea of being put under, because I'm always afraid I won't wake up.  I have no reason to feel that way; I've been in two surgeries in my adult life, and did fine in both cases.  It still scares me. 

The only thing that scares me right now more than the surgery is not finding a way to have the surgery.  As a type 2 diabetic, I don't want to die early because of blood sugar complications.  As a woman about to enter her 30's who is happily married, I don't want to miss out on having a fair shot at having healthy children.  I'm not a mother yet, and I'm chomping at the bit to change that... but I don't want to get pregnant as long as I run the risk of so many more complications because of my weight and my disease. 

I'm learning more and more, and every day I get a little more determined to push my fears aside and do this.  I owe it to myself, my husband, and hopefully our future children. 

I have applied to have a VSG with Dr. Aceves in Mexico.  We'll see what he says!

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