moonglo82
Long time no see!
Oct 24, 2013
Wow... I just realized it's been over a year since my last post! And boy, how much things have changed!
The good news: I have maintained my goal weight for a year now. I fluctuate between 125 and 135, but that is right where I wanted to be and keeps me at a healthy BMI as long as I am below 137, so I'm happy with that. My husband just had his plastic surgery done on Tuesday of this week to remove his loose skin, and he seems to be healing quite nicely.
The not-so-good news: I got laid off back in April, and my life seems to be going in a downward spiral, no matter how much I fight back. My confidence is completely shot right now, thanks to the lies that my bosses put in my work file to justify firing me, and honestly I'm having a hard time overcoming the resentment I'm feeling for them. But not just for them... that resentment is starting to spread to other areas of my life. For example, before I lost my job, my husband and I were planning to start our family this fall. Now that's not gonna happen because I don't have a job. Therefore, I end up resenting all of my friends who are happily pregnant right now... it's not fair to them that I feel that way, but every time I get a cute pic of their preggo bellies or see a joyful status update, it's like a kick in the teeth because I'm starting to wonder when, if ever, I'll get to experience that. I'm also resenting my husband for delaying the start of our family for so long... in my irrational mind, if he had just let me have kids five years ago when I first wanted to, I would already be a happy mother. And I'm getting to the point where I resent the teachers I see every day while I'm subbing in nearby classrooms. Why do they get to keep their jobs while I'm suffering? What did I do to deserve this? It's making it damn near impossible to even apply for jobs, let alone do well in an interview... I just don't have the confidence to sparkle like I need to if I'm going to stand out, and I can't even pay for the counseling I need to work through all of this because I don't have insurance or a steady income. So while some may say this is temporary, I'm really starting to think I have landed myself in a mess that will never get better. And it really sucks.
Any prayers, suggestions on ways to find ways to pay for counseling (I probably don't qualify for sliding fee scales right now), or anything else that might be helpful is certainly welcome. Sorry for the downbeat post... I just really needed to vent and my husband needs to focus on healing and my friends will get sick of me if I don't stop griping lol.
