My truths

Dec 12, 2017

     This past year has been a real drag for me, and I have gone threw so much that I would not wish any of it upon my enemies (don't have any for the record!) but today out of all days it took me crying in front of a total stranger who is paid to listen to my bullshit without judgement that I have found some scary yet emotionally hurtful truths about myself. 

1. I am a person who self sabatoges, I have worked out for a week and when I think what is the point I give up and go back to my same routine.
2. I am addicted to food.
3. I have an unhealthy relationship with food, food is my comfort when my husband and my kids should be that for me. 
4. My tool didn't fail me I failed my tool and though I have never placed blame on my tool I kick myself all the time when I think about how wonderful I was doing before regain. To be a paitent who was nearing 500lbs with a food addiction and not mentally right with my eating habits I manged to drop 150 pounds before a year mark. My surgical team was impressed and so was I.  I hate to let people down and that is what I did, but I mainly let myself down.

So there is 19 days left of this month and year and I am going to stick to basics the next two and half weeks and prove to myself that I got this.. that I can drop the weight. My new years promise to myself and to my children is to take care of myself. They need me and I need them. I'm not a bad mom I am just a mom that is having a rough year. A mom that needs to take a deep breathe and learn to cope a new way. I don't have to bottle things up and eat my emotions. There is so much to live for and so much life I have left. 

Time to get busy living instead of being busy dying!

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