Sept. 16, 2010 - still here

Sep 16, 2010

Hi there, it's been awhile but I'm still here and i'm still within my goal weight of 145, I go up 3-4 lbs depending what day I weigh myself but thats okay and it's expected since us women have unpredictable bodies that retain water and can be affected by our day to day lives.  Life has been a little hectic, some changes, me and the fam moved to a smaller, cheaper apartment. We are still on furlough so my income is still a mess, we actually got 1 full check in July then the governor screwed us again and we're back on furlough. If this would end I could catch up and not struggle so much. Joel is back home, he graduated on 7/31/2010 (see pics) and he's hanging out for now, we found out his license is clear so he can take the test and get his license back, which means he can get a job as a auto guy :)  Mellie stayed at the new apartment up until 2 weeks ago then she moved with Dawn. I'm glad for her cause I know she wants some independence, some peace/quiet and she wants to be closer to work, church and her friends. I miss having her around even though she wasn't around that often cause she's busy but of course we're in contact all the time so it's all good.

As for my weight, well I made it to goal back In December '09 and of course i'm not satisfied, according to the charts I need to be under 131 and for a normal bmi I need to be about 140, I am now refocusing my eating and cleaning up my bad habits so that I can try and drop some more weight. I'd like a bigger cushion. If I can lost another 15-20 lbs then maybe I won't have so many fat days. I know they are mental but that's just the way it goes.  I am now a size 6, a 36C cup and even my feet went back down to 6 1/2 - 7 instead of 7- 7 1/2 :) I dont' feel as skinny as people keep telling me I am so for me losing some more weight is not gonna kill me, these people dont see me without my clothes, its scarey and I look very fat, especially with it all hanging everywhere Lord I hate it. BUT I don't hate wearing smaller sizes, fitting in smaller spaces, not feeling subconscious when I walk down the street or into a room, all that makes it so worthwhile. I can run after my grandchildren, pick them up, play with them and I can manage to walk 2-3 miles and not collapse. Of course my arthritis and body pains are still present and cause me grief but I try to work through it, not always successful but have to push forward. I'll be 50 in 3 months for now I'm better at 50 then 40 weight wise we shall see what else life has to bring in the days ahead.
so that's it for now.

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