Onmyweightohappiness

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I think I am still in shock.

I had my pre-op appointment today. Went thru my pre-op tests and registration. Had labwork, EKG, chest X-ray and went over what to do the day of surgery and 24 hrs before. Got this little breathing machine contraption I have to practice breathing in prior to surgery. Got some soap I have to shower with the night before surgery and the morning of surgery. And that was it, it all only took an hour. So I headed over to my surgeons office for my pre-op meeting with him. They went over the diet after surgery, talked about my pills/medicines, restrictions, follow up appts etc. Then I met with Dr. Ferrari. I felt bad I didn't have a ton of questions for him only about my gallbladder and pills. I told him forgive me I am nervous and couldn't think of anything! He is going to take my gallbladder since I have had issues with it for years so that was a relief, told me congrats on my new life and will see me Friday morning. I was on my way home by 11am. 2 hours wasn't bad at all for doctor appointments!

I started driving home, called my husband to fill him in on everything then there was a call, it was my surgeon's office. Told my husband to hold on I needed to answer it. Instantly I thought bad news, one of my tests came back bad or an issue. Luly says to me, do you think we could re-schedule your surgery for tomorrow morning instead of Friday? I was like ummm huh? LOL She didn't really give a good reason as to why just said Dr. Ferrari's team of doctor's is there on Fridays and he would prefer tomorrow. I said I personally have no problems but let me check with work and other things. 101 things started going thru my mind holy crap no way this is really happening tomorrow! I first had to check with work to make sure I could go out a day early, they had no problems with it. I had to run out there to have my supervisor sign some paperwork and talked to the guys a bit and left. I had to call disability benefits to let them know my date had changed. Called HR to let them know but she wasn't in the office so I left her a message. Called the hospital to make sure I could just make my co-pay payment on Friday even though I am having surgery tomorrow and they were cool with it. Awwww talk about putting a person in shock!

I spent the day getting everything in order. I got my bag backed. Took my measurements and before pictures. Had a really WOW you so need this surgery moment. I was disgusted by the pictures. I looked at my husband and just said how could you be with this? He shook his head at me and said Sarah stop it. I got my jello and pudding made and have all my other "liquid" diet stuff I can have the first two weeks. Made a ton of calls to let everyone know my date had changed. My poor mom started to cry when I told her I loved her at the end of our call. We always say I love you every time we talk but knowing her oldest is having surgery and she can't be here she is just worried, she knows everything will be fine but worries. That is a mother's job. I have been drinking water all day, I did cheat a bit and have a little bit of Diet Coke. Had my last "meal" around 6pm. Just warmed up some noodles with sauce, barely could eat, my stomach is in knots. Now I am chugging as much water as I can because as of midnight I can't have anything else. I think I have everything packed I need and took care of everything. My mind is going so many ways I can't think right now!

We have to be at the hospital by 7am, surgery is at 9am. June 17th!!!!!!!!!!!! The first day of the rest of my "new" life. I have been looking forward to this for so long I can't believe it's really happening. I will be in the hospital probably till Saturday. I won't have internet access, I don't have a laptop so I will post a blog hopefully Saturday if I am feeling up to it to tell everyone my progress and what has all happened the last few days. I look forward to being on the "losers" bench! Now let me go take my shower with that lovely soap and attempt to get some sleep!

I got approved on June 9th, 2010. Surgery date was set on June 10th, 2010 for June 18th, 2010 at 7:30am! It took 4 business days to get my approval back from Cigna. How awesome is that! I am excted and can't believe it's all going to be happening next week!

.....drum roll please.....
On to my big news of the day. I called my surgeon's office this morning since Luly was back today to see my status. She said she was only waiting on the document from my OB for my weight from 2008. She received the letter from Dr. Burns. Ok half way there! I told her I was going to call and see if I could get anywhere with my OB's office hurrying up with sending it. They have had the request since May 20th, they confirmed that with Luly and also told me that as well. Well when Luly called last Wednesday to see an update they claimed to not have the request so she had to re-fax the request. Great who knew how long it would take them to actually get the records over to Luly now! Since it was almost 11:30am I was going to wait until after lunch to call my OB's office and give them a little "hell" about having to wait 11 days for a simple request of having some records sent over. 20 minutes after calling my surgeon's office Luly calls me back and says right after I got off the phone with you I got the fax from your OB's office!!!!!!!!!!! I tried so hard not to scream when she said this! She said she has everything ready and will be submitting to insurance today!!! She said insurance has been super fast with responding, like in 2-3 days so we could have an answer by Friday. If we don't on Monday she is going to call to see the latest status and go from there! I am beyond excited and happy right now. One more step to go, well actually two. Next is to hear those magic words....You are approved. And second is to set a surgery date. I am getting so close! But yet it doesn't seem real, that is so odd. My husband asked me after I told him the great news, he asked if I was ready? Really I can't say I am because it doesn't seem real and I don't think it will until the day of surgery when I am on the surgery table.

I forgot to post last night so here the lastest for my surgery.

I called my surgeon's office yesterday to see where we are at at this point. Since I have completed all requirements as of May 17th I have been anxious ever since. I called around 1:30pm and the one assistant said Luly would have to call me back because she is the one working on my case. I was antsy at work the whole time waiting for a call back. No call.

I left work got home and around 4:40pm she called me back. Basically she has all my test results back in and we are only waiting on two things. She wanted me to call my doctor and have her write a more further note. I guess in the monthly medical notes only a few notes mention about the diet program and exercise program she had me following. Luly wants to be safe with insurance and asked if I could have my doctor re-write a letter stating she seen me from November 2009 till May 2010 on a supervised 1500 calorie diet and exercise program. I had monthly follow-ups and it basically failed and she is recommending surgery. Just so it shows that I was on a diet the full 7 months and it doesn't give insurance a reason to deny me. She is also waiting on my weight results from 2008. They requested it from my OB, Dr. Peterson and are waiting on her to send those back. Also with my test results I do have gallstones and will need my gallbladder removed when I have surgery. After doing much reading I guess that is pretty common. She said once she receives those two pieces of paper we can submit.

I called my doctor's office right after I got off the phone with her to let me doctor's assistant know I needed another letter. Told her what I needed and she said she would call me as soon as it was faxed. I will give it till Monday and if it still hasn't been faxed I will do a follow up call.

This morning I called my OB's office Dr. Peterson to see if they had received a request to send some files to my surgeon. After checking she said they just received the request yesterday and as soon as Dr. Peterson gets to it they will send it over. I tried to ask for a timeline but she didn't give me one. I told her I would give them till next Wednesday and if it hasn't been turned in I would call again as I am waiting on this for surgery.

So this is where I stand. Two pieces of paper until submitting for approval. Glad it's the weekend so I can keep myself occupied hopefully enough not to have this on my mind all the time. It still doesn't feel real at all that I am doing this. I am trying to come up with "rewards" for every X amount of weight I lose. I have things like get my nails done, pedicure, hair done, bicycle,rollerblades but I know I can think of more or better rewards. Plus trying to get my support system in place. I joined Obesityhelp.com and hoping to meet some people in the area.

Have a great weekend all!

is not a word a fat person wants to hear or say. But I'm going to say it! With surgery getting closer and closer it got me thinking plus I got some advice from some people. That I should enjoy some of my "favorite" naughty or bad food prior to surgery. Kind of like a drug addict getting one more fix is how I see it. Which makes it sound like I am addicted to food and I'm not. But the more I got to thinking about this yesterday the more I agreed that I want to take some of my all time favorites and indulge one last time because after surgery more than likely I will never be able to enjoy those foods like I did. Enjoy some of those sweets, junk food or favorite restaurants etc.

I already told my husband prior to surgery I want to go to Golden Coral one last time to hog out LOL that sounds terrible I know but hey it's the truth. Not that I will never be able to go to Golden Coral again but I won't be able to eat like I can now. I am still drinking soda along with my water. Get my soda fix in now because soon it's coming to an end. Chewing all the gum I can get my hands on because that's soon coming to an end. I am getting the sweets in now, even though I'm not a HUGE sweets fan but I do crave it once in awhile. I really need to find a healthy alternative after surgery to give me that sweet satisfaction. I am sure I will think of other last things I want to have. My farewell to my fat life. I am sure some doctors or my nutritionist would tell me not to do this but I am going to. I am going to have to sacrifice a lot after surgery so let me have my glory prior!

I am so trying to be patient and not call my surgeon's office for an update. I am trying to hold off till Thursday because I doubt they have my psych evaluation yet anyways. Hopefully by Thursday they can tell me something on the progress because last week when I had called one of the ladies was getting my case all together. Then you know once they submit to insurance I am going to be calling every other day asking if I am approved. HA HA. I am just so ready for this. Anyone that has struggled with weight or has gone thru this surgery I am sure can relate. For once in my life I am not in one bit of denial about my weight and health. In the past I knew I was over weight or needed to lose but always told my self just eat this, work out this way, I can do it on my own. In the last two years I have slowly realized I can't do this on my own anymore and if you know me well enough you know that is a very hard thing for me to admit to is needing help. I have too much pride to ask for help with anything. But I can't do this by myself. My body has given up on me and doesn't want to work with me anymore. It's crying out for help. My heart and mind is crying out for help. I just want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself. I am tired of this damn weight holding me back in the simplest things in life.

I just keep praying everyday that things continue to run smoothly and that this surgery is the tool I have needed my entire life to help me on the road to happiness once again.

YAY! Still doesn't feel real yet. I have completed each and every single requirement my insurance and surgeon has requested. A long 7 months! But it's done now onto the next step......

Had my psych evaluation today. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just think the word psych can scare the crap out of a person. I got there and it was hot as all can be in the office. Houston heat is in full effect. It's been in the 90's and humid as all can be. It's going to be another long summer. Anyways this lady brings a stack of papers I had to fill out and the doctor would see me in about 45 minutes. I started filling out the paperwork. A lot of it was silliness if you ask me. Why they asked some of them things to a person getting gastric bypass is beyond me but whatever. When I got to the portion that said.....do you feel like you have secret powers that no one else does? I tried so hard not to bust out laughing in the room. Really? Come on now. I mean I know people do think like that and feel that sometimes but wow. Then do you think people are following you or spying on your every move? 80% of the questions didn't pertain to me at all. I am not a boozer, I don't do drugs, I don't feel like dying every second of the day so I breezed thru it. Then the doctor came in and grabbed my paperwork checked it over quick and told me to come into his office.

Was a very brief meeting. I was expecting this long drawn out appointment asking me to start from birth. But his main questions were do I know what I am getting into? Why am I having the surgery? Why do I think the surgery will help me? What things will I need to do after surgery to help me lose weight? Things like that. I was very honest with him and told him I have been considering this surgery for almost 8 years but always kept chickening out or being in denial until my son came along and he changed everything. Like I have told everyone in my life and him, me and food are going to be best friends thru out my entire life, whether I do this surgery or not we will be dealing with each other. So at this point I have nothing to lose but to try something else to help me achieve this. We only talked for maybe 10 minutes if that. He was really impressed with how much I knew and how well prepared I am for this. He said he will write me a "favorable" letter for the surgery as long as my medical clearance is ok I can have surgery.

So that is it. Everything is complete on my end. Now to wait until my surgeon's office receives everything. I so want to call and see what's the latest but I am forcing myself to wait until Thursday to call to see if they are still waiting on any results or where do we go from here or when do they think we will be submitting. I am very proud of myself for sticking this journey out. I almost gave up thinking it was going to take forever, I wouldn't be able to afford this or that or that I wouldn't get approved. But for once I finally told myself to shut up and go for it. It was time to take care of me for once and do something for myself instead of doing for others all the time and doing everything else but for me. So now hopefully the last leg of this journey goes smoothly! We just have to submit to insurance and once insurance approves I can set a surgery date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had my last doctor's appointment with my family doctor today. My 7th visit, My 7th month is complete! We went over everything from the last 7 months. She typed up the letter of recommendation and printed off the letter and my history. We went ahead and faxed it right away over to my surgeon's office. I will call tomorrow to see if they received it. I didn't realize till I got home she didn't print off the 7th visit from today. They probably will need it so I may need to call and have them fax that over. Plus I need to call and ask my surgeons office if they received all my test results from the 7th I had done.
I can not get over that I am at my last leg of my journey. 7 months ago I thought this process was going to take forever and up until about a month ago reality is slowly starting to set in that this is really happening. I have one more appointment to go and that is on Monday and I do my psych eval and if all goes well they will hopefully submit to insurance the end of next week! I have never been so ready for something in my life ever. I know it is going to require a lot of changes and it's all up to me to do them. I have no problems about it at all. My health is way more important. I have a great support system, my wonderful husband, family and friends to help me thru this and keep me positive. I pray this is a tool that will help me to permanent weight loss, better health, being able to love life again and bust out of this shell I feel like I am stuck in. It's so sad that my weight has held me back from the simple things in life. It's down right embarrassing.

Today I had a ton of appointments for my weight loss surgery. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am.

By 7am I was having my ultrasound of my gallbladder done. Was only about 15 minutes long. I watched the screen and I didn't see anything of concern but yet again I am not an ultrasound tech. The tech didn't mention anything but they typically don't. She said my doctor would have the results by Monday or Tuesday. Wished me luck on my surgery. I was out of there by 7:30am. My next appointment wasn't until 9am.

I walked over to the other building to get registered for the next round of tests. They were tossing a fit because my orders didn't have the date on them. How was I suppose to know that the date needed to be on the orders? She told me I would have to wait until 9am until the surgeon's office opened and have new orders sent over. So I sat in the lobby to wait, went and grabbed a muffin and something to drink while I waited. Then the lady came back over and said never mind we could just use the labels they made to show the date. By 8:30am they told me I could go up for my echocardiogram. Went up for that appointment and that was just an ultrasound of my heart. Was only about 15-20 minutes long. Again I watched the screen and the lady didn't bring up any issues she seen, wished me luck on my surgery. She said my results would be to my surgeon by Monday or Tuesday. By the time I went back down to the lobby it was only like 9am.

My next appointment wasn't until 10am. They told me they were trying to call the pulmonary office but they weren't in yet. So I went and sat and waited again. By 9:30am the lady was in the office so I went down to that appointment. I didn't know what to expect and didn't realize it was a breathing test. Who knew it would be much work to do certain breathing exercises? I had to do a few different ones while breathing into this tube. Then they closed the chamber and I had to do more, and they cut off my oxygen for 2 seconds. That was so odd, I seriously felt like I had quit breathing. She said all looked good and the doctor would review and send over to my surgeon by no later than Wednesday. By 10am I was done with this test and had my nutrition evaluation at 11am.

Thinking I would get lucky and sneak in early! Because by this time I was exhausted! I went to the registration desk and she said she was currently with a patient but would come out to get me when she was ready. So I sat around and waited, and waited and waited. 11am came and still no one came to get me. I called Dominique and talked to him for a bit to catch him up on what was all going on. By 11:15am still no one. I was about to get up and ask if she remembered about my appointment but by 11:30am my buzzer went off and she came out to get me. She apologized for being late, her last appointment ran over. We went over my past and I had to fill out some information. Then we talked about food, nutrition, what to expect after surgery and down the road with surgery. Got a lot of great tips, finally know how to read a food label the right way and understand what foods are good and bad. Like I told her one diet is low calories, the next is low carb, the next is low fat. So I never knew what to go by or what foods to get at times. The main thing I learned is after surgery protein is going to be my friend. The one I need to focus on getting enough of every single day. Learned that atleast for the first year no more drinking out of straws, no more gum, need to find chewable vitamins which I probably will have to do the rest of my life, I didn't realize you had to do chewables but it makes sense, I need to increase my water intake by about 20 more oz a day. I am at roughly 35-40 right now. It was a ton of information but a ton of great information. Hopefully this week I have a chance to sit down and read thru it all as we just skimmed thru the main points at my appointment. I also got information on a support group that meets once a month and also an online support group that I can access anytime. The nutritionist actually helps run the both of them so that will be a great resource. She said to keep in touch and email her whenever I needed something. She gave me some free samples of vitamins and protein shakes to try.

So overall it was a good day of appointments. Learned a lot. Now just praying everything comes back ok to clear me for surgery. I left the hospital by 1:15pm. What a long day! Went home and had to take a cat nap because I had to go into work at 6pm for a few hours.

Two appointments to go!

My surgery date is coming closer and closer but yet it doesn't seem real at all. I am almost numb to it all. Maybe because I have waited so long for some "help"? Or maybe because I never thought I would do this? I have researched gastric bypass, weight loss surgery, diets, exercises, etc for years. Specifically weight loss surgery for about 8-9 years. I always looked into it but always told myself I didn't need it, I could do this on my own, I felt it was a way of "cheating" to lose weight, and more and more things I told myself. It took almost 8-9 years for me to finally come out of denial and say I need help. I am obese. Yes I said it. Obese. I cringe at that word. I hate that word. It makes me feel embarrassed, ashamed, angry, hurt and any other emotion that goes with it.

I have always been a pretty confident person. Even growing up as a kid, in high school etc, I was an over weight kid and teen. Not by a lot but I was. But I had confidence, even if I did get picked on. I didn't think I was a 10 or anything but thought better of myself than I do now. In the last few years it's diminished and really hit me hard. The way I see myself and think about myself is a shame. No person should ever have to feel like this. Even my baby sister said Sarah, you are the one always telling all of us to love ourselves for us and be proud of who we are. Those are my words, and I still believe them. I love me for me to a certain degree. But my health has to change. I can't go on like this. Getting pregnant with Gage and having Gage and having Gage early at that, changed me forever. I look into those little eyes and I have to do something. I want to be better. I want to do and show him everything life has to offer with nothing holding me back. My husband is scared because I will be having surgery. There is that risk. I get it I totally get what he is saying. But me being over weight is a risk too. I could die tomorrow for all I know. So the way I look at it atleast I would know I am helping myself. I have confidence in my surgeon, in his staff and everyone helping me thru this. If I had a doubt at all I wouldn't go thru with it. And everyone that knows me knows my intuition is on point a lot.

With a matter of 11 days and all my requirements will be completed and a matter of 2 weeks we can be submitting to insurance, it hasn't hit me yet. I feel like I have been dreaming about this and it's never going to happen. I think until I get approved and a surgery date maybe then it will hit me or who knows it may not hit me until the day of surgery. I will truly feel blessed if all goes smoothly. I have wanted help for years but was in denial. Denial of how bad it really was or how bad it has gotten. The last year of seeing the reality of my health, it's freaked me out. The major thing that has stuck in my head is my sleep study. I stopped breathing 167 times in a 5-6 hr period. One hundred and sixty seven times. I will never forget that number. That alone scares the bejesus out of me. Yes I know my sleep apnea may mot go away after surgery. I accept that. Granted it's herditary too and runs in my family so I may be cursed with it for life. I wear my CPAP machine almost every night now. Not the most sexiest thing under the sun but I tell myself tonight it could save my life. Thank goodness my husband loves me no matter what and in the last two years I have truly seen that. He tells me all the time I am beautiful and how he loves certain body parts. I wish I felt the same way he tells me. Really I do. I know I will never be 100% happy with my body, who is? But I just need and want some help. My body has given up on me. I sit and try to imagine what it would be like 50lbs lighter? 100lbs lighter? And honestly I can't picture it. Is that bad? Maybe it's because weight has been an issue my entire life and I have to struggle to lose 10lbs or 20lbs. To lose 50lbs in a few months seems unreal to me. Maybe that's why I can't picture it.
My mom told me a few weeks ago she had a dream, she was reading a magazine and turned the page and there I was in a tiny bikini and she freaked out and said That's my daughter! I laughed at her so hard. For real mom a tiny bikini? Magazine? Come on now! She was totally dreaming. I haven't wore a swimsuit probably since I was a teenager. I love swimming but don't go because I am embarrassed. I don't care about being skinny, a size 0, being in a bikini or all that type of stuff. I want to be healthy. I want to have my self esteem back, my confidence. I want to be able to put on my clothes and be ok with it, not cringe or avoid the mirror. I feel like I am rambling. Maybe my nerves are setting in. I am just ready. Ready as I will ever be. I keep crossing my fingers and praying everyday for God to watch over me thru this process, let it be a smooth one, let surgery be a success and let this help me to be a healthy person the rest of my life. I never want to go thru this again. I wouldn't wish this on my own enemy.

I had my 6th doctor's appointment yesterday. Nothing really out of the ordinary with it. Talked to my doctor to let her know I would have to do a 7th visit with her. She joked that my insurance company is sending me thru the ringer with this and I so had to agree! I asked her about doing my pre-op but she recommended me using the hospital they suggested. I have my last visit with her on May 12th.

After I left my appointment I got on the ball of calling to see if I could get my other appointments set up. May 1st I will go get my lab work done. On May 7th I have my ultrasound of my gallbladder at 7am, EKG at 9am, Nutritional Evaluation at 11am and my pulmonary at 1pm. Then I have my psych eval on May 17th at 12:30pm. So that completes all my requirements. As of May 17th I just have to wait for my surgeon to submit and then wait on insurance. That's when it will all hit me. Right now it feels like a dream. I am so ready and anxious for this surgery. Something needs to change and obviously my body has given up no matter what I try. I just can't go on living like this anymore. I am tired of being held back in life because of this monster.