Indulge....

May 18, 2010

is not a word a fat person wants to hear or say. But I'm going to say it! With surgery getting closer and closer it got me thinking plus I got some advice from some people. That I should enjoy some of my "favorite" naughty or bad food prior to surgery. Kind of like a drug addict getting one more fix is how I see it. Which makes it sound like I am addicted to food and I'm not. But the more I got to thinking about this yesterday the more I agreed that I want to take some of my all time favorites and indulge one last time because after surgery more than likely I will never be able to enjoy those foods like I did. Enjoy some of those sweets, junk food or favorite restaurants etc.

I already told my husband prior to surgery I want to go to Golden Coral one last time to hog out LOL that sounds terrible I know but hey it's the truth. Not that I will never be able to go to Golden Coral again but I won't be able to eat like I can now. I am still drinking soda along with my water. Get my soda fix in now because soon it's coming to an end. Chewing all the gum I can get my hands on because that's soon coming to an end. I am getting the sweets in now, even though I'm not a HUGE sweets fan but I do crave it once in awhile. I really need to find a healthy alternative after surgery to give me that sweet satisfaction. I am sure I will think of other last things I want to have. My farewell to my fat life. I am sure some doctors or my nutritionist would tell me not to do this but I am going to. I am going to have to sacrifice a lot after surgery so let me have my glory prior!

I am so trying to be patient and not call my surgeon's office for an update. I am trying to hold off till Thursday because I doubt they have my psych evaluation yet anyways. Hopefully by Thursday they can tell me something on the progress because last week when I had called one of the ladies was getting my case all together. Then you know once they submit to insurance I am going to be calling every other day asking if I am approved. HA HA. I am just so ready for this. Anyone that has struggled with weight or has gone thru this surgery I am sure can relate. For once in my life I am not in one bit of denial about my weight and health. In the past I knew I was over weight or needed to lose but always told my self just eat this, work out this way, I can do it on my own. In the last two years I have slowly realized I can't do this on my own anymore and if you know me well enough you know that is a very hard thing for me to admit to is needing help. I have too much pride to ask for help with anything. But I can't do this by myself. My body has given up on me and doesn't want to work with me anymore. It's crying out for help. My heart and mind is crying out for help. I just want to be healthy. I want to feel good about myself. I am tired of this damn weight holding me back in the simplest things in life.

I just keep praying everyday that things continue to run smoothly and that this surgery is the tool I have needed my entire life to help me on the road to happiness once again.

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